Yesssss New Resource. New Things To Learn. Add This To The Knowledge Hoard.

So JKR is anti asexual now to

I would like to announce that my little brother is a little bitch (nongendered) and I love him dearly.

I was texting him about a recent tragic realization about strawberries. And this little fucker who stole my height and testosterone from before the womb goes:

Little Bro: so that's bananas, pecans, milk, and strawberries

LB: all hurt your mouth

LB: gonna need to Kevorkian you with a banana split in a few years at this rate

Anyway I called him a cunt and I feel justified in that action. We love each other very much.

And that's very much how I see current Tim and Damien's relationship with each other. It's fun to playfully hate on a sibling who can bite back. It's flyting, but without the poetry.

Damn, I'm gonna hafta stop joking that Batman's a furry because after some thought, that's a disrespectful joke. Batman is clearly not a fursona and I should know better than to kink shame like that anyway.

Screaming, cackling, joyous!

There's just something enthralling about these two. Especially Tim serving his malicious compliance response to the "Where were you?". It's peak. He loves his family, he doesn't like when they pry into his business, they have all had many conversations about hiding injuries. Now Tim selectively over shares and it's a power trip.

And just. Yes. Tim's laughing hysterically over his boyfriend accidentally shooting him during their kinky sexy times. That is the most true and appropriate response. I kept imagining them on that "Sex Sent Me to the ER" show, retelling this story and breaking down into giggles again.

...Tim is trans masc by default in my head so when Bernard said he'd get him pregnant... I'm just saying, Tim's dealt with a lot of time travel bs. His birth control could fail. He and Steph could have a very funny role reversal, going to the same Lamaze class she took, deciding that the Dead Robins Club is so last year - the Oops Baby Club is now the fun place to be.

I beg you for more Tim and Bernard being chaotic freaks

*Falls down twenty flights of stairs before pushing myself up* This could mean several things, and I will do each one! >:D

Suggestive content below, minors DNI or whatever.

—

Tim, sick, lying in bed: I'm gonna die.

Bernard, sitting next to him, checking his temperature: No, you're not.

Tim: Bet.

Bernard: Please, don't prove me wrong on this one.

Tim: Uuuuuugh...

Bernard: At least you look sexy when you're sick.

Tim: Do I not always look sexy?

Bernard: Oh, you definitely do, always, look sexy. But, I mean like this, your cheeks and thighs all flushed, and all sweaty and helpless and weak in bed...

Tim: Don't get any ideas.

Bernard: To late, I already have several.

Tim: . . . Are you supposed to have sex, when sick?

Bernard: Is that gonna stop us.

Tim: Hmm.. Nope.

—

(inspired by a short story @donkoogrr made for me :3 )

Jason, picking his phone up at two in the morning: Who the fuck is this?

Bernard: Uh, me, so, like, y'know how I asked to borrow a gun for things you did not wanna know about?

Jason: . . . What did you do?

Tim, laughing hysterically in the background:

Bernard: I shot Tim.

Jason: you diD WHAT!?

Bernard: I DIDN'T KNOW THE SAFETY WAS OFF!

Jason: YOU SHOT MY LITTLE BROTHER!? ACCIDENTALLY!?

Tim: IT WAS HOT!

Bernard: He's a bit hysterical?

Jason: Oh my GOD, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME!?

Bernard: I SHOULDN'T LEGALLY HAVE A GUN AND ALSO THIS WOULD BE SO HARD TO EXPLAIN TO A 911 OPERATOR!

Tim, laughing harder in the background:

Bernard: I have a compression bandage on him..?

Jason: . . . I am on my way, but I swear if he dies from this I'm gonna throw him in a Lazarus pit only to give him an honorable death.

Jason: Oh, also, I'm telling Dick face about this.

Bernard: . . . F#&$.

Tim: Think we can finish up before he gets here and I bleed out?

Bernard, throwing a pillow at him: TIM!

Tim: I've been shot way worse!

—

Ransom girl, flirting with Tim at a gala despite being told several times he has a boyfriend:

Bernard, walking right up to Tim: It's done.

Tim, playing along: It's done?

Bernard: Yup. She's dead.

Tim: Good, good.

Random girl, watching with great confusion and slight fear as Bernard and Tim share a sweet kiss and walk away together:

*The rumors that the Wayne's are some sort of crime family don't get better after this...*

—

Bruce, after calling for an emergency meeting after a massive rogue breakout: I know this is last minute, but— where's Red Robin?

Tim, riding in on his bike:

Jason: Where the f#&$ were you?

Tim, looking around: Are there children present?

Dick: ??? No, Dami is still changing—

Tim: Good, I want you all to know I'm only half coherent, my brain is still fuzzy, and I'm still recovering from being choked out, carved up, humiliated, and defiled in the best ways possible, and I swear one of you better die to make up for what I'm missing out on tonight.

Dick:

Jason:

Bruce:

Tim: None of you wanna see what I look like under this costume right now.

Damian, walking in: Have I missed something? Oh, Timothy, you are here, finally. What took so long?

Tim: Sorry, was hanging out with Bear, y'know how clingy he is.

Damian: Tt, don't forget about your promise to take me to the zoo this weekend.

Tim: Wouldn't dare.

Dick: My baby brother...

—

Stephanie: . . . So, you and Tim are into some freaky stuff?

Bernard: We did not use olive oil, wooden spoon, or the kitchen for their intended purposes last night.

Stephanie: To scared to ask, but also me and Cass have been thinking of experimenting. Any tips?

Bernard: Several.

—

Bernard: You're mad at Bruce again?

Tim: Yeah, but it isn't that big a d—

Bernard, pulling his phone out: Say less.

Bernard, posting anonymously that he'd be getting Red Robin pregnant, one way or another:

Tim: Now what's that gonna do?

Bernard: Give Bruce a heart attack.

Tim: . . . What?

*Cue that night, Bruce begging Babs to tell him what rogue and or magic user is threatening to get his son pregnant and w h y ? ! *

Babs: Harley Quinn says she'd help plan the baby shower, Poison Ivy asked if they're doing a a gender reveal because she has ideas that were safe for the environment, Cat woman commented that she wanted to be the godmother and is currently fighting Spoiler through text for rights..? Nightwing has stated he's castrating anon, and Red Hood told them to watch out for Batman, he's always looking for new Robin's.

Bruce: I am so confused...

—

Tim, gesturing wildly to an entire wall full of case files and "evidence" while being sleep deprived: I'm connecting the pieces.

Bernard: Love dove, the pieces are not connecting.

Tim: They're connecting...

Bernard: What are you trying to solve exactly?

Tim, blinking slowly: I forgot after my eighteenth cup of coffee, but I'm close!

Bernard: Uh huh... Ready for bed?

Tim, whispering as he sticks a sticky note with a poor drawing of a chicken to the wall: Death before dishonor...

—

Tim: . . . Hey, bear?

Bernard, half awake: Mm?

Tim: I want grilled steak.

Bernard: . . . It's three in the morning, Timboo.

Tim: I know...

Bernard:

Tim:

Bernard, groaning as he gets up:

Tim: I love you.

Bernard: I love you more and this is proof.

—

Bernard: Uh... Tim?

Tim, setting down the twelfth cake: You said to pick up a cake.

Bernard: Yes. A cake. You bought twenty cakes!

Tim: I didn't know what flavor you wanted tonight!

Bernard: So you buy all of them?!

Tim: Except carrot cake! Because you don't like carrot cake.

Bernard: We have... So much cake.

Tim: I also bought brownies—

Bernard: Timothy!?

Tim: They're red velvet..?

—

Bernard: I am staring respectfully.

Tim, changing into his Red Robin uniform: You are not.

Bernard, looking him up and down slowly: So respectfully.

—

High school Bernard: I wear sunglasses so nobody knows where I'm looking.

Darla: . . . Bernard—

Tim, not paying attention as Bernard stares at his biceps:

Bernard: Shh...

Darla: This is not heterosexual behavior.

Bernard: No clue what you're talking about. Hey, Tim?

Tim: Yes, Stephanie is a real person.

Bernard: No, no, not about that.

Tim: No, I don't wanna hear the entire lore of Undertale again. And no, I don't care about your d#&$ size, no, you can't know mine either.

Bernard: . . . I'm gonna kick your a#$.

Tim: I welcome you to try, b#&$%.

Bernard, leaning in: I would have you pinned in seconds.

Tim, dropping his phone onto his desk now: Only if I let you.

Bernard: Would you?

Tim: Would I?

Darla: JUST F#&$ ALREADY!

—

Lemme share a story with you.

I got my first laptop as part of my school-provided college gear back in the day and back then the only places for fanfiction were either niche circles where each author had their own website that hosted their works and a small selection of other authors who were their friends all connected by hyperlink... Or fanfiction.net.

It was wild times on the Internet, my friend. It was very difficult to keep track of stories.

But! I visited home after some time and mentioned to my little brother that my computer was running slow. He, being the more tech-minded of us, volunteered to check it out, so I opened it up and brought up a new tab for him to look stuff up if needed.

It was not needed.

"Deadname." My brother was taking very calming breaths. "I know having multiple tabs open is convenient... But you should not have so many that they look like a Mario SPIKE PIT!"

Zero lessons have been learned since then, but it was very funny to watch his face changing colors.

I be like: I wonder why these pages are taking so long to load :/

My thirteen opened tabs:

Martha and Jon Kent are trans t4t and that's why they knew how to get new documentation for a space toddler.

I once wrote that Sugarverse!Madara wasn’t promiscuous and now I’m looking at all these fun and/or pervy au collabs I’m doing and it’s like.

Naw.

He’s still not a ho. 

He is confident about sex and likes to have it often when he’s got someone to have it with because his ego grows ever more powerful with every orgasm he gives his partner(s).

Put him with people that are pretty but he doesn’t know them well? He might flirt if one seems into him/situation calls for it but otherwise he’d be chill.

Madara might actually be in charge of Konoha’s lipstick missions. He could probably teach people how to use genjutsu as a seduction tool and never need to touch the target at all.

Unpopular Opinion Time

I don’t ship Sirius Black with Remus Lupin and while I’ve read good fics with them as a couple it usually strikes me as a lazy pairing.

The basis of their relationship seems to be that hey were friends for years and they hugged after being reunited.

I actually got into a legit argument about this once and was accused of being a homophobe. Personally, I think that turning them into a couple based on this scant character development is perpetuating a culture of toxic masculinity. Two men showed love and relief and are now ‘super gay for each other omg otp’

I think Sirius Black is hetero pre-Azkaban and too mentally injured to call himself by any labels post-Azkaban. (He spent ten years having portions of his soul sucked out of him, it was going to take a lot more years than he was given after that to rediscover who he is, let alone have a sexual identity.)

Remus I can see as hetero or pan. He would likely focus on pursuing female companionship over male simply because he is already ‘different’ enough as a werewolf and would desire a sense of normalcy.

And even if they were both gay, that does not necessitate that they would automatically be attracted to one another. It’s a common theme found in a lot of amateur stories that the token gays must be paired with each other rather than seek a single life or date outside of the friend group.

Anyway, it’s 6:30 AM and that argument from my high school years is running around in my head, so here’s my belated rebuttal being tossed into the internet.

(Also I got a discord? https://discord.gg/qwPzVtr I still don’t know how to technology very well, but I’ll hopefully be more active over there. Tumblr’s editing system isn’t all that intuitive for me unfortunately.)

Jason is the most impregnate-able Bat because we all know by instinct that he'd rearrange his entire life to take care of his kid.

He's not just a Daddy, he's a Father. He would nurture the fuck outta that kid. He would read all the most accredited books, he'd be active on the parenting blogs, he'd be there at the PTA meetings.

Jason would be that special mix of terrified and excited to help this child grow up. He's the parent that a kid won't be too afraid to call when they've done something really stupid and they need help now. He's the parent who will work so hard during arguments to try to say the right thing.

We can all see Jason "Get Him Pregnant" Todd being such a loving dad at every milestone in his kid's life that we can't help but want to give him that kid.

(This message was sponsored by the supporters of @arandomao3user's campaign to get Jason Todd Pregnant.)

Bernard moved in with Tim? Guess you could say they murder shacked up