*one Dry Response* They Hate Me And Want Me To Kill Myself

Lesbians will see a girl with slightly rolled up sleeves and be like. Oh. Oh no.

i know we’re all mentally ill here and everyone is going to scroll past this but i feel like i have an obligation to make a post like this every few weeks.

i am not romanticizing what i go through at all. i am miserable. this disorder is miserable. please, if there is any hope you can recover, try it. i will be your biggest cheerleader. not because i want to see you gain weight, but because I want to see you live, truly live.

you will probably never make it to your ugw. if you do you will not be happy there, or you will die of complications when you’re finally happy.

Sooo I did successfully get around eating my Dad's birthday cake, because my entire family kind if overslept and I said I'd take a piece to school with me since I'm in such a rush

Yeah, I'm obviously not gonna eat it, but I'm so happy I got around it 😅

To me it kind of feels like I won't truly live until I'm skinny. That right now, there is still a wall I need to cross until I'm "on the other side" or something, when my life can finally begin.

on that note

while going over your calories is not necessarily a binge, you do not get to decide what binging is for other people!

i’ve seen comments saying “not even 2000 calories is a binge” dude. it’s not about numbers. you can’t put a number on restriction - someone can be anorexic at 0 calories, at 200, at 800, at 1000, at 3000+ because it’s not about the numbers that you eat, it’s your mindset

binging is uncontrollable eating, past the point of fullness, into the point of pain, but it can also be mindless, thoughtless over eating when you don’t want to eat

numbers do not make up your binge. don’t think that because you didn’t reach a certain amount of calories, doesn’t mean you didn’t binge. same as restricting. just because someone went further, doesn’t mean you didn’t go at all

I binged the second day in a row and I feel fucking awful

I really hate myself and I can never fucking let this happen again

Like yeah, eating more in the weekends is one thing, it's not ideal, but Ig eating maintenance for a day or two is fine

BUT NOT FUCKING STUFFING MYSELF UNTIL MY STOMACH HURTS

I hate, hate, hate myself

I'm fucking stressed man, time to procrastinate harder

loser idiot binges instead of starving

Was trying to read a book while pacing around my room but a couple pages in I realized just how heavy that thing was like okay, may not be the best to read while walking then, but also how am I supposed to read all that? Ugh

I've been trying to read more lately, because I always thought it was a bit of a waste of time really (I just sit around and do nothing even remotely productive, especially when it's novels I'm reading (I'm trying to get myself a couple scientific books now though so that I'll also feel like I am really doing something for my brain and interests then)) but then I got myself a digital watch and I've really started paying attention to my steps and work outs now and I got the brilliant idea of "what if I read during that?"

My neck is not thanking me. The books are not thanking me. I am NOT thanking me. But it's cool! It's books, after all.

And I used to read a lot as a kid, but that was because I got bullied (especially about my body) and literally had nothing else to do during break time back then because no one wanted to hang out with the fatty kid. Anyway, and that's one of the reasons I kind of stopped reading novels, but now I'm getting back into it!

I know that's a random ass lost but whatever. I don't even plan to write that much, I just wanted to tell you about my heavy book and then the words just started flowing lol