They’re Cooking On 911twt Part 2 (miserable Edition)

Post-Episode 8x10 Buddie Thoughts

"You matter to me" Ugh just tell him you love him pleaseeee

That hug did not feel platonic in any way. I'll have to go back and watch it later, but the closeup focus on their faces before they pull away feels so much more significant in a way their previous hugs have not.

The awkwardness with which they interacted with each other as well can only be described as "how people act around their crush, nervous af"

Buck was so fucking awkward I love that dork. He does not know how to act normal about his feelings. He has to know, right??? The final shot of him as Eddie drives away feels like a revelation

I NEED TO KNOW IF EDDIE LEFT THE COUCH TO BUCK

Two Quick Thoughts.

First, this isn't a criticism, just something I would have liked to have seen. I get Athena, May, and Harry walking directly behind the coffin during the funeral procession, and Buck walking with the 118 behind them. I think that fits who Buck is and being part of the fire family. But what I would really have liked to see (other than eulogies) was Buck standing with Athena, May, and Harry at the final gravesite. The show has made a big deal, on more than one occasion, about Buck being Bobby's son. I think it would have been nice if he could have been there.

Second, does anyone know if they shot the funeral in a church or built the set themselves? I ask because I'm wondering if it is a coincidence that the scene above the casket is everyone gathered at the crucifixion of Jesus.

One thing I am really curious about if (when) Buddie goes canon, is how they are going to handle the "Telling Chrisopher" conversation.

Is Eddie going to decide to have a heart-to-heart with Chris before he ever confesses his feelings for Buck because he wants to make sure his son is okay with it/he has his blessing to date again? Or are Buck and Eddie doing to get together, and then they have to navigate the dilemma of when/how to tell Chris?

I think either option presents so many interesting possibilities. Given Eddie's track record with dating/how he has approached the dating conversation with Christopher in the past, the latter option seems more in line with what he has done previously but the former is not necessarily out of the question considering just how royally he fucked up with his last relationship. Sooo here are my thoughts about how each one could pan out.

Pre-realtionship heart-to-heart option:

Positive reaction— Chris is totally cool with it. He loves Buck, and maybe even at one point thought they were together or would be good together but never said anything (little bit of wishful thinking here on my part, but I am a sucker for Chris secretly wanting Buck to be his second dad). Maybe he even helps his dad plan out how he's gonna confess his feelings. I swear to God if Eddie goes for some kind of grand gesture I want to see Chris involved in some way. I will be reduced to tears if that happens. Probably the best outcome, definitely a better outcome than Eddie would expect.

Negative reaction— Chris freaks out. Not because he has a problem with his dad wanting to be with a man, but because Eddie has a terrible track record with dating– which Chris has already been very hurt by– and because it's Buck. His dad has a nasty habit of bringing another person into their family unit and ruining it when things seem to be going well and Chris has gotten used to them being in his life. Now it's someone Chris has a well-established, deeply meaningful bond with, and he will not let his father ruin that. Not an ideal reaction, but realistic given past discussions between Christopher and Eddie about his dating decisions. I could see the aftermath of this going one of two ways:

Prompts further discussion and reassurance from Eddie about why this time will be different– His past relationships had less to do with what Eddie himself wanted but what he thought Chris wanted or what he thought would be best for him (having a mom). He was pushing aside his own happiness and desires to become a version of himself that could be deemed a "good father" and a "proper man", at least by his parent's standards. But he doesn't want to do that anymore. He doesn't have to hold himself to someone else's standards to prove he can be a good father or man. He wants to be the best version of himself, to allow himself to experience the joy he has been denying for so long so that he can show up better for his son. Chris tentatively gives his dad permission to date Buck if he wants, but if he screws it up like he fears Eddie will, Chris will not forgive him for it.

Given Chris' reaction and his strong desire to fix his relationship with his son, he, once again, decides to prioritize what Chris wants. This might lead him to forgo dating altogether for a while or to try dating other people to get over his feelings for Buck (obviously, this doesn't work). To make matters worse, once they move back to LA (before or after this convo) they have to deal with the fact that Buck is going to be living with them for the foreseeable future until he's able to find a new apartment. Cue insufferable amounts of pining from both of them. At some point, Christopher is gonna realize that they are both crazy about each other and he's had about enough of the longing looks and his dad moping around. He'll finally give Eddie the go-ahead with a warning that he better not screw it up.

Post-relationship dilemma option:

Positive reaction– I imagine the convo would be quite similar to the one in the heart-to-heart option with some differences, such as a discussion about how long they have been together, why they didn't tell him sooner, what this means for their family, etc. I think it would be funny if Chris already knew or suspected bc they might have been oblivious to their own feelings, but literally no one else is.

Negative Reaction– Again, I think this would prompt a similar reaction to what would happen in the negative heart-to-heart scenario, with the first outcome being likely to occur. I don't think they would necessarily break up over this, but that they would give Chris some time and space before discussing the situation further and giving him as much reassurance as he needs that everything will be okay. I can see Buck being the person to approach him first to talk about it since he is usually the one Chris turns to when he's upset with Eddie. It could be a slow process, but eventually Chris is fine with it and is happy that his dad and Buck found happiness in each other.

Secret Third Option– They don't tell him, maybe he doesn't suspect a thing, he catches them together before they get a chance to say anything. Chris' reaction to this one could probably fit either of these potential neg/pos reactions and be further complicated by whether or not Buck and Eddie know that he saw them doing romantic coupley shit. I do think it would be hysterical for them not to notice him when he catches on; he'll starts dropping hints that he knows and waits for it to finally click that they aren't as secretive as they thought they were. They eventually catch on and admit they are in love and live happily ever after as a family.

Either way, all options lead to Buddie canon with a happy ending for all three of them because I said so.

Sorry I don't care Bobby's mom should've taken him with her. I don't believe in not giving children a choice but I think abuse is one of the moments you can enforce that "I'm an adult you do as I say" thing.

the whole fucking point is that buck would sacrifice everything for eddie and eddie would sacrifice everything for buck AND they would both sacrifice everything, INCLUDING EACH OTHER, for chris. that's the whole point. that's how buck is finally going to realize that he has a family with them and how eddie and chris are going to realize buck is theirs. it's literally the whole fucking point!!!!!!!!!!! nobody loses here

bobby’s boybestie and co-dad michael won’t even be at the funeral. btw. which is not only sickening for the sanctity of male friendship which everyone seems to worry about but is so mean to athena bc michael would never leave her and the kids alone at a time like this. tv sucks.

Further thoughts on Buddie following episodes 8x11.

I'm speculating here, but I think this episode was about setting up a coherent and satisfying narrative around Buck and Eddie's feelings for each other. Look. Buck's recently figured out he's bisexual. If he's going to end up dating Eddie, Eddie needs to come out too. But how do you get two main characters to come out as queer when they've only ever dated women before? That's a wildly convenient coincidence.

(Audiences hate convenient coincidences.)

Now Buck is insisting he's not interested in Eddie. Why isn't he interested in Eddie? Well, Eddie's straight. Okay, that's not really an answer. But it doesn't matter! Because Eddie's straight! Why does everyone think he's in love with his best friend? His best friend is straight!

Suddenly Eddie's sexuality is a question. Is Eddie straight? Why is that important to Buck? What would happen if he wasn't? Fandom has been asking these questions since day one and we've already got more than a few answers of our own. But now Eddie's sexuality is being made salient by the narrative. And we're being told, Buck is not in love with his straight best friend.

So, hypothetically: Eddie comes out as Not Straight. This is no longer a wildly convenient coincidence. It's a complication. (Audiences love complications). Because now Buck has to answer the question that we've just established he does not want to answer. Are you in love with your best friend?

They can also reverse the order. Have Buck answer that question and move on to What Now? In this case, Eddie coming out is now a resolution. (Audiences also love resolutions). I think this is the less interesting path but it's also possible.

Usually when I dissect narratives like this I think in terms of "what I would have done." This is not what I would have done. This is better than what I would have done, because I've never had to convince my audience that People Can Be Queer, Actually, Yes Even Him. I would not have thought to structure it this way. I didn't think to structure it this way, and I've given a lot of thought to how I would hypothetically structure a getting together arc that would be convincing to a mainstream audience. I've been thinking that the only options for Eddie coming out are either Buck is supportive and excited for him as a friend, or Buck is painfully hopeful because he's been pining. Way, way better: Eddie comes out and Buck, who's been insisting for months that just because he's queer doesn't mean he's in love with his best friend, immediately realises he's in love with his best friend. And spirals.

Eddie isn't sure what he's expecting when Buck meets him at the airport. Red-rimmed eyes, splotchy face, hunched shoulders probably. Not this. Distant eyes, blank face, straight-backed. He'd been braced to catch Buck as soon as he landed, had spent his whole flight locking every bit of his own grief away to be thought about at a later date, let the guilt pool in his chest instead.

I should've been there, I could've -

He'd been ready to catch Buck, but it's Eddie who falls into Buck's waiting arms. Eddie who tears up. Eddie who clutches at the back of Buck's shirt like a scared child. And it's Buck sweeping his hands up and down Eddie's back, holding him together, murmuring:

"It's okay. I've got you. It's not your fault."

Eddie doesn't cry in LAX. His grief is a private thing. Always has been. He locks it into his bedroom and lets it out behind closed doors. But Buck is the safest space he's ever had, so he lets himself break a little. Lets himself shake apart under Buck's hands until he can ground himself with a deep breath at the junction of Buck's neck and shoulder. Until he can stand on his own.

Buck looks at him, eyes searching, deepest of furrows between his brows, so devastatingly gentle. And Eddie kind of wants to fucking scream at him for being okay. He'd needed to take care of Buck. He'd needed to have something to do. But now Buck is looking at him like he can fix him, and Eddie wants him to. So badly. But Buck knows Eddie's grief is for South Bedford Street, not LAX, so all he does is lead Eddie out to the parking lot.

It's a silent drive. Buck tells him the details of the funeral. Clinical. Sparing. And Eddie watches Buck's knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. Listens to the creak of leather under an unyielding grip. And he sees it then. The countdown over Buck's head, ticking away steadily. He's grateful in a way.

They pull up to the house silently. The engine falls quiet. And they stare at the door. The door Bobby had appeared on the other side of just a few months ago for a goodbye dinner. At the house. The house Bobby made coffee in when Eddie couldn't stomach being alone. At the home. The home Bobby helped him build in every way.

Buck gets out of the car. Eddie follows. Buck unlocks the door. Eddie locks it behind them. Buck disappears into the kitchen. Eddie pauses.

Can't quite separate Bobby from kitchens in his mind. And it's not like Bobby ever cooked anything in Eddie's kitchen, but there's some stupid grief-crazed part of his brain that thinks he'll find Bobby at the stove for a last supper. A parting gift to Eddie. Because Bobby was always too good. Too generous. Too understanding. When it came to Eddie.

When he finally makes it in there, Buck is stood staring into the fridge. Vacant. Eddie joins him, presses their shoulders together as hard as he can without knocking Buck away, and looks at Buck's fingers curled loosely around two beer bottles. Eddie knows it's not the early hour staying his hand.

It feels wrong. To find comfort in alcohol at Bobby's expense.

Carefully, Eddie unpicks Buck's fingers from the bottles and watches as Buck's arm falls limp to his side with such weight it bounces off his hip. Swings once, twice, stops suddenly. Eddie grabs the water filter. Closes the fridge.

"Sit down," he whispers. Sure, steady.

Buck sits down.

Eddie grabs two glasses. Fills them with water. Leaves the filter on the side. Who cares? Who fucking cares? Takes the glasses over to the table in shaking hands. Spills only a little. Sits opposite Buck. Stares into his cup.

"I didn't say it back," Buck rasps eventually.

Eddie picks his head up with great effort. Ony manages it because he wants to see what hurt he's caused. Their missing medic. Absent in their hour of need.

"What?"

"B-he-he told me he loved me." Buck's eyes go wide. Horrified. Haunted. Hollow. "He t-told me he l-loved me, and I could-couldn't say it back be-because that would mean..." Buck chokes a sob into his hand. "I thought we'd fix it. I-I-I thought we'd find a way. We-we always do. I couldn't say it-it. I didn't want t-to let him go. And now, he's..." Buck's face crumples first. Then, the rest of his body follows, folding in on itself in the chair until he looks almost as small as Christopher had the first time he'd ever sat at this table. "He's d-gone, and he doesn't know I love him."

"He knows, Buck." Eddie's hand curls into a fist on the tabletop. Doesn't know what to do. For all he'd been ready to hold Buck together, he's not sure how. "He knows you love him, Buck. You told him every single day."

"But I never said the words!" he snaps. Pure rage. Pure guilt. He looks up at Eddie. Blue eyes wet and red and wild. The rage and the guilt seeps away, leaves only pure grief. "I never said the words."

He sobs then. Doesn't choke it down. Lets it out. Eddie reacts like it's instinct even though he's never done this before. Just somehow knows in his bones what to do when it comes to Buck.

He stands, rounds the table, slides a hand into Buck's hair, one on his shoulder, pulls Buck's face into his stomach and holds him there, holds him together. Buck's fingers tangle themselves in Eddie's belt loops. A lifeline. And Eddie holds him tight as he can.

"All the times you cooked for him. All the times he cooked for you. The two of you cooking together. You had your own language, Buck. He knows you love him."

And all Eddie hears is: you're gonna stand there with a hundred-something bodies on you and tell me I'm not fit for duty. Did Bobby know Eddie loved him too?

Squeezing his eyes shut tight, Eddie drops his cheek to the top of Buck's head. Stops holding Buck together and starts holding on. Buck's hands grasp at his hips, twist into the back of his shirt just like Eddie's had at the airport.

And all Eddie hears is: I just want to make sure you don't think you have to lose everything before you can allow yourself to feel anything.

It’s literally so sick that the first episode where Eddie won’t be with the 118 is the “Bobby’s mom is a mega-church televangelist” episode. Like. He would have so much to say… so many faces to make… Eddie…