Born Again

You are right my lady

I'm no one's judge or jury

I lack a heart to know your beauty

Nor am I a commander of truth

What do I say; what do I do?

When I'm just your eyes

Reflected back at you.

Mirror, mirror on the wall;

Save your breath, save your words;

What makes you my judge and jury;

You see an image, not my beauty.

Whoever says mirrors don't lie,

When your very reflection is inverted.

The moments that we lost in time,

Still reverberate in my mind.

Your radiant smile, eyes dancing with mirth,

I still see it like an image in a hologram.

The warmth of your embrace,

I can still feel it like the soft evening breeze.

And like I promised you millions of time,

I still keep your essence inside the walls of my heart.

-Yours forever

How naive we were to assume

That the galaxy spins around us

That the stars were gathered to watch

While dance in the centre of universe

Thought we brought colour to this world

And the sprinkle of stardust

How naive we were that we couldn't see

The stars conspiring against us

And now everything is spiralling away...

The colours are fading away....

My heart still beats...

But from inside the wooden box.

Sometimes

When I'm staring at the stars

At night

My dreams come alive

As if the million tiny lights

Are holding a mirror to my mind

At times

I let myself wander those streets

it's a different world alright

And In my haze of midnight

I hold my fist tight

I won't let it slip this time

not this time

But as the earth glows in light

And the darkness goes to hide

forcing me out of the world

I painted with my mind

Colour red

You think you can tame me

Just because this pendent of your name

Is hanging from my neck

You think I wouldn't cross the threshold

Just because the sound of my anklets

Are more loyal to you

You think my identity belongs to you

Just because the bangles I wear

Is marked by your name

You think I would obey you

As the commands of those Gods

Just because you coloured me red.

You showed me the sky

You showed me the stars

You showed me the boundless universe

And it's endless possibilities

You told me there is a world

Beyond everything I've known

Tales of wonder

And lands of dreams..

And when I gathered my wings

Ready to take the flight

You told me, you don't want me to fly?

It's amazing, isn't it?

How a little distance

can change your perception of life

Showing you the whole picture

Not just the pieces with terrible colour

It's amazing, isn't it?

How a little pause in your life

Is exactly what you need

When you've lost

all hopes to win the race

To reflect on your flaws

Or to gain some insights

It's amazing, isn't it?

How a higher altitude

Makes the world seem beautiful

Hiding the ugly cracks

It shows a picturesque wall

A ray of hope

A little ray of hope

lighting up your heart.

A little ray of hope

brightening your spirits.

A little ray of hope

flikering in the shadows,

showing you the way to light,

when you're drowning in sorrows.

A hope that shows you,

you can fly so high.

A hope that tells you,

you can touch the starry sky.

A hope that brings

the twinkle in your eyes.

A hope that augments

the love in your heart.

That little ray of hope,

that you guard with your life,

makes all the difference,

between being dead and being alive.

Misshapen

Sometimes I feel a weird kinship

with those misshapen clay pots,

That lay discarded and forgotten.

At first like a new born baby,

It too sits on the centre of potter's wheel,

Soaking up all the attention it needs.

But as the life goes on,

And the wheel of time is spun,

Just like the clay in the hands of potter,

We are strained by the hands of humanity,

Bending to the world's whim,

Smoothing out our deformity,

To be accepted by the society.

But when after all those pottery,

We still turn out misshapen,

Just like those deformed clay pots,

We're easily discarded and forgotten.

The first time I got acquainted with grief.

Red blazing fire danced before my eyes, greedily engulfing my mother's body. The crackling sound of fire dominating any other sound caused by the crowd of people. The world faded around me as i concentrated on the sight in front of me. I wasn't even aware how many hours have passed since my mom drew her final breath. If someone told me to describe the hours subsequent to her death, I probably wouldn't be able to string four sentence together. Those hours had been hazy. I remember holding her hand with one hand and the other resting on her chest feeling her heartbeats as her heart heaved for the last time. I remember trying to get ahold of myself as the devastation hit me like wave of tsunami. The feeling of loss was sudden. I tried to think of all those impending arrangements and formalities I have to do, so I wouldn't break apart in a hospital room. After all, I have long since known of her illness. I knew what was coming. I had time to prepare myself. I shouldn't be loosing it like this. I managed to distract myself for almost five seconds before I lost it and as if a dam broke loose all the emotions hit me at once. The devastation, the loneliness, the loss, the confusion, the anger, I felt it all. The pain was almost physical, as if someone was ripping me apart limb by limb. I don't know how much time passed while I sat there sobbing hysterically. I don't know when people started coming in, awkwardly muttering their condolences, some taking me in a firm embrace as if they're touch will pacify the raging storm inside me. I wish it could but their solace couldn't reach me through the thick layer of sorrow. But I was still grateful for their presence. Even though their faces were a string of blurry images that I didn't care to acknowledge at that time, I was still grateful, especially when they stuck around and took over the cremation arrangements. I wasn't sure I could have taken care of things in my current state of insensibility. I guess, this was the boon of living in a small town. People always make time to stand by you. Either because they expect the same from you or they just don't want to appear insensitive, the reason doesn't matter.

In the process of breaking down, trying to pick myself up to give my mom a proper cremation and seeing her motionless body turning into ash something inside me went numb. I was tired. Tired of my mind being clogged up by emotions. Tired of life being so unfair. I wanted to stop feeling. I wasn't one to let my emotions take control of situations. Guess, that was before I had a brush with grief. And I was glad I didn't have anymore family, glad that I wouldn't have to go through it again. I kneeled near the ashes as the fire died down watching the thinning smoke still rising from the ash. I closed my eyes and tried to envision my life from this moment forward. And for the first time in life I felt burdened by life. For the first time I had no one to lean on. I was truly and utterly alone.

Not my usual thing to write so it'll be nice if you can give me any pointers. Any constructive criticism would be appreciated as well.