Please Reblog Is Your Blog Is Safe For Non-Binary People.

Dear Supporter,

I hope this message finds you and your family in good health and high spirits. My name is Rakan Zaqout from Gaza.🍉 I am reaching out to seek your urgent help in spreading the word about our fundraising campaign. I lost both my home and my school, my parents lost their jobs too, due to the ongoing genocide in Gaza and we are facing catastrophic living conditions.💔

I kindly ask you to visit our campaign. Your support, whether through donating or sharing, will help us reach more people who can make a difference. Thank you for your continued support for the Palestinian cause. Your dedication brings us closer to freedom.🕊

Please note, our campaign has been verified by 90-ghost and aces-and-angels.☑

I can't do much but post this so others can help

I want to run away from everyone and everything and start new. I don't want to be burdened by this life. I want to be my own new thing. I want to be known by very few that already know me and I want to live in quiet solitude for awhile while I fix the mess I am in. Not isolated but not where I am. Just new. I need to be new in my own way.

I am Kelly, My family is in danger. They are trapped in a city in Gaza called Rafah. They fled there because my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and the only chemo treatment she could receive was there. Due to a militia that is increasingly taking over the country and bombing hospitals, all of the disabled, sick and elderly had to flea to Rafah to get medical treatment. Hundreds of thousands of Gaza people fled out of Rafah earlier this week after the militia overtook the Gaza military. My family was unable to flee because my grandmother is elderly and sick.

As of yesterday, my grandmother, disabled aunt, aunt who is sick with Malaria and my two teenage girl cousins were trapped at the top of an apartment building that has been overtaken by militia. They are helpless.

My aunts are sick and they have been injured. My two cousins are just children. Please help my family in one of two ways.

I'm sorry that happened to you and your family, but I don't know how to help. I'm a teenage kid in America, would reposting links to resources that are looking to help you all do something? If so what links could I use that are actually helping.

I'm posting this on my less active blog for my sanity and also for maybe less attention it something idk.

Tw for sexual assault and rape.

Don't read past if those can trigger you or you just don't wanna read it. If you do thank you I think, idk how to feel about it all.

Anyways. I was raped last night but someone I consider my brother. For context I'm 17 the kid is 13-14. I won't go into detail for my own sanity but also because it's unnecessary. It happened at night, the two other kids were sleeping next to us, and I woke up to being assaulted. As the person I call mama #2 said I could have easily pushed him off or beat the fuck this kid. But I didn't. I woke up to it, which threw me very off guard. Not only that but I was molested as a child and raped 3 times before this, so I already have trauma surrounding this stuff. So when I woke I was specifically thrown back into the time I was 7. I could tell the difference between the flashbacks and what was happening but I was still paralyzed. I wanted to cry or move or tell him to leave or something but I was stuck. So yeah. I was raped. The kid didn't mean it with malicious intent, he was just curious and fucked up big time. What he did was wrong but he's still a kid. So I have chosen to let his mom (mama #2) handle it. But now I fear I have lost another group of people I loved for speaking about it. Idk. I also feel extremely guilty because I have a boyfriend. He's already told me he still loves me and everything but I can't help but feel like I did something wrong. On top of that I am responding to this trauma with intrusive sexual thoughts. I want to throw up and carve my skin off or kill myself right now. But I won't. I understand that my body is coping, like I said I've been raped 3 times before this. I just idk. I need an outlet that I know can't really effect me and Tumblr is the best place I guess. Anyways. Yeah. Support victims and stay safe.

I love my friends but sometimes the shit they say it do make me so fucking mad or uncomfortable. Like I get that it was probably a joke but I'm not too accepting to those jokes rn especially with the way the responded when I said smt back. Like you can't be offended when I say that. Ugh. I want sleep.

I love my boyfriend, I really do. He's probably the healthiest relationship I've had in my life too, but I just.

I'm a very private, introverted, and closed off person. I like my alone time, I don't talk often unless you get me started on things, and I typically don't like people. Tbh I have a hard time being nice to people, including people I love and like.

My boyfriend is very clingy, which is okay, but I don't want him to feel like I'm gonna leave him or get all sad because I want some time alone. Like we're always on call and it's kind of bothering me? Not because it's him, but because I'm technically not having full alone time. I feel guilty because I know he's a very clingy and lovey person, but I really can't be on call with someone for days on end. I love him, but God I need my space.

That and I also am starting to miss being single, because I didn't have to worry about talking to people about my games which usually are romance/character oriented. I feel guilty play these games I have loved for years and use as comfort because I have a boyfriend. Idk.

Like I don't want to leave him but I also can't be surrounded and loved on 24/7. It's not even like we are always talking on call either, it's just the fact I'm not alone that is bothering me sometimes. It's also not all the time that I'm annoyed I'm not alone, more often then not I'm happy to be around him and everything but like when I'm doing my thing and he calls me I get agitated.

It kind of reminds me of when you're doing something and someone interrupts you and you love them but now you're very upset.

Also I want us to take it slow because I do have commitment issues and attachment issues and it kind of feels like we're rushing it at the same time. Like yes, one day in far future I'll marry him (maybe, idk how life will go) but like rn can we just vibe?

I'm also feeling guilty cuz I am in the ace scale (not sure what ace I am but I know I'm ace) and he's a very sexual person while I'm very like. I use it to cope, like a bad coping skill and to deal with stress. Sexual things are kind of something I have a love hate relationship with? Cuz due to trauma I'm a hypersexual and I hate it because I kind of don't want to have sex ever. I mean imagination and fictional stuff I'm all for but I am very neutral and sometimes against doing stuff irl. He even thought that he wasn't satisfying my needs because my ace ass hasn't done anything sexual and honestly didn't want to.

Idk. I personally don't think I'm ready for a relationship at all, honestly I don't think I really need one. I think I'm fine being single and having friends (even though I honestly only have my best friend and a few online friends), a relationship is kind of my last priority. I feel a little bad for that mindset but I'm also borderline poor and have sever health issues plus a lot of trauma I went through recently so like ... Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I still love my boyfriend and I don't plan on leaving him unless he fucks up or I quite literally cannot handle it, I'm just kind of upset or smt?

Maybe I'm just not use to someone being so clingy or so lovey and stuff this early on. It's not bad, he's very sweet and everything, I just don't know if I can handle it. I can barely handle myself. I think maybe it's something wrong with me, maybe I'm just built wrong or something. I adore him but also ugh relationship. Maybe I just need my alone time back and I'll be good? Idk lmao.

I think I just need to make sure we slow down and go at my pace and let him know that I need my alone time and that, as much as I love him, the relationship isn't my highest priority. He's still a priority just not the highest one. I'm number one. So yeah. Idk.

I don't like him, so why am I jealous? He's not mine, why am I jealous? I am not single, why am I jealous? Fuck emotions.

you taste like a human idk

-🎙

Noice 👍