Bucky: I Only Just Met Peter But If Anything Happened To Him I Would Kill Everyone Here And Hunt Down

Harley: F*ck Flash, he’s being a dick, I’m gonna steal his car.

Peter: you can’t do that! it’s illegal! You shouldn’t do anything that’s illegal, it’s wrong!

Harley: Why are you acting so high and mighty? you’re a vigilante, that’s illegal too.

Peter: It’s only illegal when you get caught. And unlike you, I don’t get caught.

Loki at Midtown Tech: I have come to kidnap my adopted gremlin friend

Office Lady: I’m not sure who you mean. Would you like to ask over the PA system?

Loki: I would love too.

Loki into the mic: Hey gremlin, we’re gonna fight a god and kick his ass. And then we’re gonna cause mischief with the vent bird

Meanwhile in Peter’s classroom

Teacher: Well that was weird. Probably someone playing a prank...Peter, why are you getting up?

Peter: I’m gonna fight a god, kick ass and cause mischief with the vent bird. It helps a snake and spider de-stress.

Teacher: You know what? I don’t care anymore. “Fight a god” as long as you get your work done.

Ned after a moment: snake... snake... Wait, does that mean that was Loki?!

😂

Bruce, to Shuri and Peter: listen up, teens. There's nothing meme about smoking cigarettes. It's not "Netflix and chill" to do a drug. Fidget spin yourself into church

Peter our as Spider-Man talking to a criminal: Where can I find a wheelchair?

Criminal who’s rant was interrupted: What? Why?

Peter: Cause I can’t stand bullshit

TW: Dark humor.(?)

I can't stop thinking about Tony and Peter casually joking about death and shocking everyone around them like us Gen z's do with our friends.

~~~~~

Peter: I hope the light at the end of my tunnel is a fucking train.

~~~~~

Tony: I used to be a playboy but now all I want on top of me is 6ft of dirt.

~~~~~

Random bad guy: I'll snap your neck

Peter: I'll let you

~~~~~

Tony: I swear to God I'm gonna start a hit list.

Peter: I volunteer

~~~~~

Kidnapper: *hands them a gun* One of you has to die.

Tony: I will

Peter: No let me do it

Tony: Get behind me I'll shoot both of us

~~~~~

Robber: *Aiming a gun at Peter but hesitating to shoot him*

Peter: Would you like me to pull the trigger?

~~~~~

Bad guy: I'll kill you.

Peter: I'll fucking do it for you.

~~~~~

Tony: Don't come Heimlich me if I start choking cause that's my ticket out of here and if you save me then your fake and just want what you can't have.

~~~~~

Tony: *staring at a vase of dead flowers*

Peter: lol you wish that was you huh?

Clearly you don’t know Johnny Storm

Clint, after being drenched in gasoline: Oh no. Fire is my only weakness.

Y/N: Yeah, fire is everyone’s weakness.

Y/N: It’s fucking fire.

Loki: Mental illnesses are like Pokémon cards.

Thor: In what way?

Loki: I collect them for fun.

Loki summoning daggers:

Where is it?!

Thor frantically trying to calm him down:

Loki, wait!! You should treat spiders how you wish to be treated!

Loki:

Killed without hesitation!

Thor:

Not again! Please stop dying!

“Where are you thinking of going?”

“New Jersey”

*Forgive me Brooklyn. I have sinned*

-Steve Rogers

Tony: It fits -_-

Tony: Guys, I’m stuck on a word

Harley: What is it?

Tony: Another word for bottom, 5 letters.

Harley: Peter.

Peter: Wait-