What A Happy Family! Hm… That Lamp Looks A Bit Weird. What’s That On Your Hand Tim?

Saw this comment on a post about Superman. Felt the need to share the pain.

bad influence

people who act like batman isn't "judge jury and executioner" because he doesn't kill people are like. genuinely so funny to me because. they're very obviously thinking of "executioner" as like. the stereotypical guy with axe who chops people heads off, and not, yknow, the literal definition of the idiom itself, which is about someone who has the ability to judge and then subsequently punish someone unilaterally. which is quite literally what batman does.

he has the ability to decide what is a "crime" to him, he is the one who decides whether people are guilty of those crimes, and he is the one who executes their punishment. the severity of the punishment doesn't matter - he is unaccountable to anyone else, and indeed is allowed to commit as many crimes as needed to reach his arbitrary ideal of "justice."

the ideal of batman is this: a man who is so fundamentally changed by an act of senseless violence that he takes it upon himself to fight back against the rot and corruption in the world. he does this not through political activism, not through ridding himself of his wealth in favor of a greater good, not through community outreach, but through an individualistic fantasy of being a hero.

and you'll say: charlie, but he does do that !!! he donates his money all the time, he funds social programs, hospitals, orphanages, gets people jobs -

and i will say this: so why don't things get better?

because here's the base of it. gotham, at its core, can't get better. no matter what bruce wayne does, there will always be more crime, more villains, more death, more people for batman to beat up in back alleys. because that's what sells.

reoffending rates don't matter in gotham, prison reform doesn't matter in gotham, what actually causes crime doesn't matter in gotham because that doesn't sell books.

and so here it is; dc has unintentionally created a world where batman can't win, but can't be wrong, and where thousands of nameless, faceless, only-created-to-die civilians must be pushed into the meat grinder that is gotham, to fuel bruce wayne's angst and vindicate his constant, tireless, noble fight against the forces of evil.

and then: a new robin, who is poor and who's parents are dead or gone because of this cycle; who is happy go-lucky and hated by editors and fans for being robin, for not being dick grayson, for being poor.

and this robin is written, unintentionally or not, to be angry at the ways in which batman's (the narrative's) idea of justice is detached from its victims. bruce seems perfectly fine to allow countless unnamed women to be at risk from garzonas in his home country, yet robin is the one who is portrayed as irrational and violent.

this robin is not detached from gotham in the way bruce wayne is: this robin is a product of gotham.

(and here's the thing. you can't punch aids. you can't fight a disease with colorful fights and nifty gadgets. and how would robin dying from aids add to batman's story; it would call into question the systemic changes that haven't been made in gotham. how does a child get aids, in batman's city?)

so robin dies, and then bruce (the narrative) spends the next couple of decades blaming it on him. it is jason's fault; he was reckless, he just ran in, he thought it was all a game. if only bruce had seen what was coming, if only he could have known that jason wasn't rich enough or smart enough or liked enough to be robin.

batman gets a little more violent, a little more self destructive. he hurts people more and almost (!!) kills a couple guys. this is bad because it's self destructive and "not who he is." it is not bad because batman should not be able to just beat people up when he's angry.

and then he gets a shiny new robin - who is all the things jason "wasn't": rich and smart and rational and he doesn't put who batman is into question. batman and robin are partners, and jason is a grave and a cautionary tale, and (crucially here) never right.

the joker kills thousands and it doesn't matter because they were written to be killed.

batman beats up thousands and it doesn't matter because they were written to be criminals.

and then jason comes back, and nothing has changed. there is a batman and a (shiny! rich!) robin and the joker kills thousands. (because it sells)

and jason is angry - he has been left unavenged - his death has meant nothing, just as willis' had, just as catherine's had, just as gloria's had, just as -

thousands. ten of thousands. hundreds of thousands. written to be killed.

but one of them gets to come back.

and he is angry - not only at the joker, but at bruce (the narrative) - because why is the joker still alive (when thousands-)

here is the thing - jason todd is right. not because the death penalty is good, not because criminals deserve to die, not because of everything he says -

but because of what he calls into question. why is the joker alive?

because he sells books.

and dc has written a masterful character, through no fault of their own, because jason knows what is wrong, and he knows who is at fault - batman. (the narrative)

so the argument that bruce can't kill because he's not judge jury and executioner; the argument that jason is a cop or that jason is insane or that jason is in the wrong here; they hold no weight.

batman can't kill the joker because the joker sells comic books.

and jason can't kill the joker because the joker sells comic books.

so he will beg and plead and grovel - he will betray everything that is himself, he will forsake his family and his city and kill himself - just so that bruce (the narrative) will let the joker die.

he was condemned to death by an audience, and after he came back he has spent his whole life looking us in the eyes and screaming, asking, pleading; why is the joker still alive?

why are thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands (the number doesn't matter, see, because they're just a number. not people. not real.) why are we expendable for his story? why did i have to die just for nothing to change?

and the answer is money. and the answer is the batman can never be wrong. and the answer is shitty writing. and the answer is -

nothing jason can ever change.

which is the worst of it all. he is a victim with no power, and no one else in the world can see it. he is raging and crying and screaming at his father and his writers and you - and it doesn't matter. jason doesn't matter. and he knows it.

Concept: an episode of the Justice League cartoon where the MCs get sucked into a 90s teen movie… powers get reset to when they were that age.

Batman: I have decided I will reveal my identity to one person

Justice League: !!!!

Batman: *walks over to Green Arrow*

Green Arrow: Wait wha-

*Hot steamy make-out session right in front of the League. Jaws are dropped, Superman’s eyes are red, there’s tongue*

Green Arrow: … huh

Batman: *raises an eyebrow* Do you understand?

Green Arrow: *now completely aware that Batman is Bruce Wayne due to how many make-outs the two of them have had over the years* Surprisingly yes

Justice League: ?!?!?!

Batman: That’s all *sweeps out of the room with a dramatic flare of his cape*

Now the winner gets his prize! Come get your momma!

ONE PIECE WANO SPOILERS FOR EP 1020

Sanji calling Robin for help in front of everyone is my favorite Sanji moment in this arc so far.

Like most of the fandom I have a love hate relationship with Sanji’s character because he has the potential to be a really well developed character but in many arcs ends up being a very shallow one. Coming off of Whole Cake Island which is a very strong Sanji arc, Wano felt soo lacking. His peeping gag was back, he was using the germa tech despite his conviction not to, he was insecure about Jinbei replacing him as the ‘smart’ one of the stronger strawhats. After an arc where our crew was separated and went through a lot for Sanji it felt like he was unsure of his place in the story and was revisiting all his “positions”.

Then came this villain Black Maria, who embodied and questioned the shallow aspect of his character and by extension his chivalry. She demonstrates that men like him are quick to think themselves heroes that save women from harassment and violence but internally want to inflict this harassment and violence on women as well. Sanji runs in thinking a woman might be getting harassed, beats up the guy, but when he’s escaping we see that exact scene is one of his fantasies. It’s legitimate criticism of his character. I wish it would be a learning moment. Sanji refuses to fight against women as usual and he’s put in a position where he can either die, call Robin and put his friend and a woman in danger, or fight women. This happens all the time but Sanji here makes the easy decision to cry for help.

What’s great about it is, this is an incredibly humiliating moment for a “chivalrous man”. We see a bunch of other manly men in the show react with disdain and ridicule at the fact that he would go crying for help from a woman, the opposite of “chivalry” in their eyes. Even the villain women working under Black Maria are shocked and disappointed because this doesn’t fit the “chivalrous” image. But Sanji isn’t giving up his friend, he’s not betraying her, he’s asking for help. Because he trusts her, because he knows he can rely on her. The key here being, unlike Black Maria’s expectations Sanji’s wish to protect women is not just to seem more manly and chivalrous. He would rather have the world think he’s a weak spineless coward than hit a woman. That’s in this context a rarer thing than to simply proclaim he’d rather die. It proves that his morals come from within and that he stands on them.

Robin, of course, shows up immediately, saves his ass and says “Thank you for relying on me, it made me happy”. This is what got me crying because Robin doesn’t think less of him for a second because their places have been swapped before. In water 7 and ennies lobby she tried to make the choice of dying instead of asking for help and putting her friends in danger. She saw first hand that that hurt them more than any buster call could have. It was her and Sanji on that train where she refused to accept his help and it did nothing but hurt them and delay the inevitable. She learned that day that she was worthy of being protected and that her friends would walk into a death trap for her. She was resolved to do the same. Of course it makes her happy to have the chance to do that for her crew.

On a side note, Sanji and Zoro’s views on women are often pitted against each other as “protect women” vs “view them as an equal” but this arc we saw Zoro protecting a woman that couldn’t fight (Komurasaki/Hiyori) and Sanji trusting and relying on a woman to save him in a dangerous situation.

This is the funniest batfam meets JL crack fic I've read. Nightwing joins JL, they suspect him because he's close to B and it turns into the batfam doing a home alone on the JL. It's unserious and hilarious I was crying laughing and I really needed that after all the angst I've been consuming recently

Allo people exist? Oh right!

ONE PIECE WANO SPOILERS FOR EP 1033

Paraphrasing the Sanji Zoro convo

Zoro: How are you so good at bandaging and splints

Sanji: It’s not that different from trussing and prepping meat

Zoro: Am just a piece of meat to you?

Sanji: Please, you’re not that appetizing