I Want A Relationship Where They Don’t Just Scratch My Back, But Massage And Draw On It Softly Giving

GREY.

How the worlds gone grey,

all the colors left.

I hear that you’re ok.

Don’t you have any regrets?

All the struggles,

All the pain,

All the time I wasn’t ok.

All the years,

All the hurt,

All the times I wished I wasn’t yours.

I stopped going to therapy,

not because I thought I’d manage;

I didn’t go because it’s not fair,

For me to pay the repairs of your damage.

You got off Scott-free,

and I’m not at all shocked,

but I know it’s not me…

It was you who caused,

This slow motion car crash.

All these years later, I still have

the bruises and the whiplash,

but you don’t have a scratch.

I replay it frame by frame,

Incinerated in my brain,

So I could forever torture myself

Asking myself again,

What did I do wrong?

Was it me?

Did I ask too much?

What did you need?

What could I have done,

differently?

Or even worse,

was it you and not me?

LOVE, DEAR ABBY

I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.

“he only saw her light for a fraction of time, yet he would never forget her sunrise.”

- abby

love, dear abby...

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➵ 21, female, she/her, leo, istp

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QUOTES + POETRY:

➵ 2024: Collection

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➵ january

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➵ Grey Poem

➵ Friend Poem

➵ Keychain Poem

➵ January list

➵ 2024 Collection

➵ currently writing a book

➵ the loving mother to a handsome black cat and adorable yellow mutt

➵ according to my DNA, i am 108% likely to consume more caffeine than the average person. it’s literally in my blood

WAR.

Three rotations around the sun,

and sometimes I’m still not over it,

I know the war is what I won,

But those battle plans just won’t quit.

I dug many trenches back when fighting,

years later, they aren’t filled,

‘Should I’ve done things different?’ Keeps me awake,

With sleep deprivation, I’m skilled.

I think of who I might have been if you hadn’t happened,

But if not, I wouldn’t have met that man, I wouldn’t have stole his hat and,

Put it on; “combat vet” it read right on brim,

The two of us weren’t so different, we both had wars we tried to win.

But that’s the thing about going to war:

even if you come out on ‘top’,

The ghosts you met will follow you,

The haunting will never stop.

But there’s something nice meeting a veteran,

Literal or not,

He’ll support you unconditionally,

your back he’s always got

And so I bought him flowers,

A simple thought that crossed my mind,

I’ll never forget that smile

When he revealed it was the first time,

That someone gave him something

for his service, not anyone,

The thing is, he’s got no idea

how much for me he’s done.

LOVE, DEAR ABBY

“I saw the back of someone who looked like you and my heart skipped a beat.”

LOVE, DEAR ABBY

There’s a statue of you in the gardens of my mind.

BAND-AID

Call your new toy by your pet name for me,

insist that that’s not how that is but I see,

I caught you red handed as you replaced me.

It was plain and simple, Destiny.

Pretend that you’re pure and that you share love,

But I know how to tell when looking at one,

You’re unstable and you blame everyone.

No wonder you’re so lonely in Edmonton.

Claim you don’t take sides yet turn and ‘campaign’,

To get others to leave me, but with you to stay,

The fact that it’s not real, that’s really the shame.

They’ll leave you one day.

You were shocked and confused when I stood up to you,

Went crying to Kevin, but he thought it through,

He knew that you were lying to him too.

Too bad. Screw you.

Do you need an emotional Band-Aid?

You’ve got no friends left after your charade.

Wish I could say I’m surprised, but I ain’t.

And it’s all because you’re a snake.

On Monday, you cried to me bout your boyfriend,

Then Tuesday, you told me, I wasn’t a good friend,

Three weeks ago you decided it was the end.

Not such a nice Canadian.



You made up some false narrative in your head,

Badmouthed me to all of our mutual friends,

And now to me, you’re simply dead.

Hope it was worth it in the end.

LOVE, DEAR ABBY







“i remember you often so that the colors won’t fade.”

“i don’t know what’s worse: to have lost them, or to have never had them at all…”

“i do. it’s to know which way it was…”

- abby