Hades: I’m The Sand Guardian, Guardian Of The Sand.

Hermes: I’ll be there in 5 minutes. If not, read this again

Thanatos: Here you are, Lord Hades. A nice hot cup of coffee.

Hades: It's cold.

Thanatos: Nice cup of coffee.

Hades, drinks it: It's not even nice.

Thanatos: Cup of coffee.

Hades: I'm not even sure this is coffee.

Thanatos: Cup.

john: rog, i need you to calm down-

roger: *slams fist on table* BUT HOW CAN IT BE ‘BIRTHDAY CAKE’ FLAVOR IF BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR 

Okay but Fred having to climb on the kitchen counter to reach the top shelf and John (or Bri or Roger) just fucking LOSING it over how cute he is

Roger probably shouldn’t be staring. He definitely should be going to get the step or going over to help. He definitely shouldn’t be letting Freddie do this.

But it’s too cute, and Freddie doesn’t know he’s there.

Their manager had just called. Killer Queen had reached number two in the charts, and the boys had decided to celebrate. Freddie had officiously stated that it was the perfect occasion to drink the Moet et Chandon that the company had graciously sent down, and had gone off to find their good crystal flutes.

The good crystal flutes that had been placed on the top shelf when they moved in, to keep them safe.

The top shelf that was definitely out of Freddie’s five-foot-nine-and-a-half-inches reach.

Roger couldn’t help but watch as Freddie pulled a chair over to the bench and scrambled up on it, the tip of his tongue poking out in concentration. Grinning when he was stable, he rose up on his knees and carefully pulled out the four glasses, slightly dusty from disuse. They were set on the bench equally as carefully, and then Roger was treated to the sight of Freddie’s foot cautiously sliding down, looking for the chair -

Freddie squeaked in surprise when he found himself suddenly swept into Roger’s arms, kisses peppering his neck.

“Rog! Stop! You want to give me a heart attack!”

“Mmm, you’re not scared of me, my sweet - adorable - little - cute - Freddie,” Roger grinned, and Freddie sighed.

“Sometimes I swear you put things on the top shelf just so I can’t reach.”

“But you look so cute trying to get it down!”

“I am not cute!” Freddie said indignantly. “I’m fabulous.”

“You’re cute,” Roger insisted, kissing further down Freddie’s neck, and Freddie rolled his eyes, knowing the argument was lost - for now…

Alternative responses to ''I love you''

Abraxas: Who doesn’t

Diao Chan: Thanks

Bahamut: I know

Tyr: *finger guns*

Byakko: A horrible decision, really

Uriel: *laughs nervously*

Chronos: why

Lucifer: I’m sorry

Hades: *laughs hysterically*

Greek Gods As Things I’ve Said

Zeus: I may be a whore, but I am a whore with power.

Hera: Denial and homicide- my two favorite coping mechanisms.

Hades: The fact that you all haven’t realized that I am probably going to be your landlord in hell is sad.

Poseidon: The ocean is full of plastic, just like the world is full of idiots.

Hestia: Ah, home. Mine constantly feels like it’s on fire, especially when it actually is on fire.

Demeter: Eat your goddamn grains you whore.

Aphrodite, screaming: JINGLE BALLS, YOUR DAD’S SMALL, I SUCKED DICK LAST NIGHT-

Ares: I’m not saying violence is the answer but if these math problems were people they’d be dead already.

Apollo: At least we have music and memes to dull the pain that is our existence.

Artemis: I don’t want your number you stupid male I want to hunt you down and end you in the woods because it contributes to the mood, now fuck off.

Dionysus: Wish I could just run off in the woods and rip people apart and get nasty.

Hermes: The future is meaningless but the thievery is now.

Hephaestus: If hitting it with a hammer doesn’t fix it, you’re not hitting it hard enough.

Athena: I have come to the conclusion that I will be alone simply for the fact that everybody else is fucking stupid.

Persephone: Fuck you mom, you make my life more like hell than actual hell.

Hades: Persephone kissed me!!

Zeus: [gasp] No!

Poseidon: [squeals] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!

Hades: It’s unbelievable.

Poseidon: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!

Zeus: Okay okay, we wanna hear everything. Poseidon, get the wine and unplug the phone. Hades, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Hades: Oh it ends verrry well.

Poseidon: [rushing over with wine glasses] Don’t start without me! Don’t start without me!

Zeus: Alright, let’s hear about this kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips, or was it like a, y'know, “I gotta have you now” kinda thing?

Hades: Well, at first it was kinda of intense, y'know and then… oh god, and then we just sorta sunk into it…

Zeus & Poseidon: [squealing] Awwwwwww!

(Scene changes to Persephone, Artemis, and Hecate casually eating pizza)

Persephone: And uh, and then I kissed him.

Artemis: Tongue?

Persephone: Yeah.

Hecate: Cool.

Persephone: it was probably bad to sleep with someone cause I wanted to pet his dog, right?

myths series  ♆  Greek mythology

╙  Hades

[Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker, Hades stands in front of the pot with his arms crossed]

Hades: So. Who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

Persephone, quickly: I did. I broke it.

Hades: No. No you didn’t. Thanatos?

Thanatos: Don’t look at me. Look at Hecate.

Hecate: What?! I didn’t break it.

Thanatos: Huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Hecate: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken.

Thanatos: Suspicious.

Hecate: No it’s not.

Hermes: If it matters, probably not, but Minthe was the last one to use it.

Minthe: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Hermes: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Minthe: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Hermes!

Persephone: Okay, let’s not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it Hades.

Hades: No! Who broke it?!

Hecate, softly: Hades… Alecto’s been awfully quiet.

Alecto: REALLY?!

Hecate: Yeah, really!

Alecto: Oh my God!

[Everyone starts arguing]

Hades: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. *Looks back at the group with a smirk* Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.