Zeus: I Solemnly Vow To Never Stick My Penis Into Crazy Again

Theo: *phone starts ringing*

Cain: *looks at who’s calling*

Cain *grimaces*: you still call our dad ‘daddy’?

Theo: *answers the call and makes direct eye contact with Cain*

Theo: Hello, Adonis.

Cain: *chokes on drink*

Apollo: can we agree to not tell mom about this

Artemis: this isn't even the most disappointing thing I know about you

Aphrodite: Ares just told me that I make him happier than drugs. That’s some serious shit right there

Spot the difference *impossible*

Queen Texts #4

DiscoDeaky: wₕₒ ₐₜₑ ₘy cₑᵣₑₐₗ

SpaceNerd: John?

DiscoDeaky: ɨ ֆǟɨɖ աɦօ ǟȶɛ ʍʏ ƈɛʀɛǟʟ

CupboardBoi: jesus, satan calm down

DiscoDeaky: ᴺᴱⱽᴱᴿ

OneQueerBoi: well, none of us ate it!

DiscoDeaky: 𝖜𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖔𝖝 𝖎𝖘 𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖞

DiscoDeaky: ａｎｄ ｔｈｅ ｂｏｘ ｄｏｅｓｎ＇ｔ ｌｉｅ

OneQueerBoi: ask Julie then!

DiscoDeaky: yₒᵤ ₜₕᵢₙₖ ⱼᵤₗᵢₑ ₐₜₑ ᵢₜ?

DiscoDeaky: Ḫ̴͔̦͑a̴̻̘͋̈̏̀̈́̐́͋,̸̧̲̬̳̯́͒ ̵̛̹͙̤̰̖̲̌̈́̅͗̑i̷̧̲̔ ̸̦̓̅̈́̈́́͌̿̇̀ͅd̵̡̜̯̲̻́̑ͅơ̸̗̞͓͈̦̙͑̋̎̏͐̐͐ņ̷̨̧̦̤̺̯͓̦̍́̈̏ͅ'̷̨̧̱̹͇͇̙͖̙̇̓͊̅͑̀̆͑͘͝ͅt̸̮̊͒̉͌͠ ̸̛̬̝̂̍͂̊̃̄̕͠b̵̖̺͔̼̖̹̒̉̇͒̋͗̑͜͜͝ē̸̥̟̰͌̍̄ͅl̶̜̬̩̟͋͝i̷̯̻̟̲͝è̵͜v̶̛͍̞̠̪̖̖͎͖́̽̌̓̿̅͆é̷̞͎̍̒͐͋͜ ̶̜̲̯͐̑͊͜i̴̢̗̤͕̯̠̺͇͋̈́̔͒t̶̨̼̺͚̪̐̅͒̌͊̐

SpaceNerd: Did you ask her?

DiscoDeaky: …

DiscoDeaky: she ate it

CupboardBoi: Are you going to apologize, demon?

DiscoDeaky: *high pitched devil screeching*

DiscoDeaky: NEVER

freddie : it’s saint patrick’s day. the holiday of my people.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

brian : you’re not Irish.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

freddie : binge drinkers.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

roger, from across the room : aMEN!

Persephone: I know it was you because you’re the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup

Hades: …soup is delicious