Lines That Start With "If I Could ...." Are So Painful. They Remind Me Of Emotions I've Experienced Before

How could I be yours, when 'am not even mine?

Vulnerable yet dominant

I wish to fill myself with answers to questions I've never asked, for my mind is a hesitant colossal of chaos and mysteries , and it demands , but wouldn't dare , to know , more...

I want to believe in myself,

but who the fuck am I??

What if I loose myself while trying to figure out why you left me ?

- "Self portraits, roses and her brain...on fire", Astha

" If I could love you, I'd write about us everyday" - Astha 24.01.2022

Walls,

I wish I could walk through them...

"I don't want to feel like this,

but this is all I feel..."

21:57 pm

How loud, would she have been, with glistening red tears of fury, loss, and wars within...

Who would've maimed her autumnal skies, rose skin, gentle aesthete, and country choruses, enough to spiral into a dark vacuum of shambolic ambitions?

How loud, would she have been, to chisel a world within...to feel so much only to feel nothing...

" I can't explain myself, I'm afraid,

Sir, because I'm not myself,

you see. "

I didn't know of people being placid yet devoured ,in times of uncertainty, writing prophecies of each other's doom...