What Would They Do?

Diary

i stare at the empty pages. i wonder what i'm supposed to write. what i can write. i scroll through my experiences within my head. albeit, none of them sound good enough to be put on paper. i weave the pen in a dance across the pages jn my diary. i'm not sure if the words make sense or not, but they are there to stay.

i buy diaries, yet only write a few passages every so often. i feel that my words are far more secure within the locked security of my own phone.. or rather my own head.

i started writing because i was done being silent within my own head.

~ m.n.

Words/Phrases You Probably Didn't Know About

hi hi ! hello dears, it's been a while but i've decided to put together a list of words or phrases that you most likely didn't know as well as their definitions !

have fun writing and please let me know if you wish for a pt. 2 !

~ m.n.

accismus (n) - pretending to be disinterested in something when you actually want it.

ala rasi - an Arabic phrase that roughly translates to "anything for you."

anomia (n) - a brain disorder that makes it hard to remember the names of people and objects.

balter (v) - to dance or tread clumsily.

clinomania (n) - the persistent desire to stay in bed, even when there are other responsibilities.

constult (v) - to act stupidly together.

defenestrate (v) - throw (someone) out of a window.

draconian (adj) - something that is excessively harsh and severe.

eglaf (n) - a word that has no meaning and can be used in place of any other word.

ephemeral (adj) – lasting for a very short time.

fabulist (n) - a liar, especially a person who invents elaborate, dishonest stories.

gheegle (n) - the urge to squeeze or pinch something very cute.

heterophemize (v) - unconscious use of words other than those intended; to say something different from what you meant to say.

irenic (adj) - aiming or aimed at peace; promoting peace.

jayus (n) - a joke that amuses because it is so unfunny or poorly told.

jouska (n) - the act of repeatedly playing out hypothetical conversations in one's head.

latibulate (v) - to hide or seek refuge, often in a corner, to protect oneself or find comfort.

lethologica (n) - the inability to remember a particular word or name.

moonglade (n) - the bright reflection of moonlight on a body of water.

morosis (n) - an obsolete medical term that means idiocy, stupidity, or fatuity. it can also refer to a decline in intelligence due to foolishness.

nedovtipa (n) - one who finds it difficult to take a hint.

nepenthe (n) - a potion used by the ancients to induce forgetfulness of pain or sorrow.

obganiate (v) - to annoy someone by repeating the same thing over and over.

phosphenes (n) - a ring or spot of light produced by pressure on the eyeball or direct stimulation of the visual system other than by light; the colors, "stars," you see when you rub your eyes.

pregret (v) - to feel regret for an action before it has happened.

shlimazl (n) - a person who is unlucky or inept, or bad luck itself.

smyster (v) - to smile to oneself while daydreaming.

snaccident (n) - accidentally eating a snack, especially an entire bag or box of junk food.

ultracrepidarian (n) - expressing opinions on matters outside the scope of one's knowledge or expertise.

Time Reversal

i truly wish i could rewind time. to the time i had a loving group of friends. to the time i laughed uncontrollably every day. to the time i felt secure. nowadays i stare at the screenshots i took of old group chats and wonder where it all went wrong.

it feels unfair for people i care so deeply about to be able to walk away so easily. did our friendship mean nothing? why does texting daily dwindle down to small glances within the halls of the school; back down until i'm unnoticeable at all.

i wish i had the confidence to stand up to my issues, yet i sit and allow time to work its path. i wonder what my life would be like if i told them how scared i am to loose them instead of allowing them to degrade me into the person i am today.

if i could turn back time, would i do it? would i push the button? would i flick that switch? my internal longing says yes, but my heart disagrees. i have found my people. my new friends love me for me and would never leave over something so minute. i will continue to endorse my being into these people i care for so because they reflect the mirror back at me and it is not empty.

i tend to forget that i do have a loving group of friends. i do laugh uncontrollably every day. i feel secure with my love for others and their love for me.

~ m.n.

Happy Holidays 🎄🎁

i hope you all have a wonderful holiday today, whether you celebrate something or not !

~ m.n.

i have an ao3 account !

i will be posting fics irregularly and whenever I have time ! i will, however, create fics in fandoms that I am in. that being said I have a joongdok (joonghyuk x dokja) fic in the making ! 💗

hope to see you soon

~ m.n.

It's Over

i'm sad, but it's hard to put into words. yes, i'm depressed, but it's so much more than the word. people tend to not understand what i feel when i just say the word.

"it must suck feeling down all the time."

yes, but it's so much more. i feel glued to my room - to my bed. i don't take care of myself simply because i don't have the gumption. i get internal cravings that scratch at my innards. they scream at me to kick the bucket. splash the water over the life i haven't finished. they tell me i am not enough.

they are suffocating. they are killing me from within. i am a seemingly perfect apple with a worm hidden inside. i am the milk that you pour without realizing it has gone bad.

i am melancholy novelette.

~ m.n.

Birthday

it's my birthday, but i feel no older. i always have had the privilege to have a party with love filled to the brim every year. albeit, i remember feeling unexcited for the one day written towards me. my one special day and yet i felt empty. why is that so? as i grow older i realize how foolish i was to wish to grow older quickly. i thought being older would mean that i have more control over my life, yet i feel that's still untrue.

i never took anything for granite. i opened every card slowly just only hoping for the handwritten "we love you, happy birthday." if there was anything extra i appreciated everything so much. i took every present i received and kept it, it'll remain by my side until the day i die.

~ m.n.

Hope you have a lovely day! 🎉🎉

this is a very sweet message, thank you so much ! didn't know how much i needed this, i hope your day is filled with lots of love as well. 💗

"look for the perfect person who completes your puzzle. albeit, look for one who compliments you rather than one who fills in the holes you leave empty."

~ m.n.

Rejected

opened letter,

my name printed on the soft white envelope,

someone already knew of my failure before i was even to lay my eyes upon the words,

my delicate fingers grasp the letter that disapprove of all of what i had done,

i hadn't been enough. the letter crinkles as my eyes glaze over,

who will take me seriously now?

~ m.n.