Person: "Wait What?" Me: Me Like Bombs. Me Like Poison. Me Like Bombs

Well if it makes you feel better I'm actually starting to draw kinda good now!!!!

can't stop thinking abt my wife. can't stop drawing my wife. can't stop looking 4 more wife content.

It's a recipe for cookies, They're hungry and need to eat food or else they'll eat something they shouldn't.

For reasons unknown, an immortal beast has been dropping off random trinkets at your ancestral home for generations. They’re all kept in storage; nobody dares throw them away. Today instead of a trinket, the beast leaves a note with instructions on it.

The hottest gossip on the royal family.

When the eldest of the royal children was kidnapped and brought to the ritual table to be the new vessel for the cult's god, they seem oddly fine with it. It was in the middle of the ritual that the eldest royal revealed…

. . . I kinda want it to be Gyutaro from demon slayer NGL

You, a normal human, try out a dating app you've never heard of and soon find out it's a dating app for supernatural entities. Every date you go on, your date is always surprised you're not repulsed by their non-human features. But your latest date just can't believe you're not joking…

Another boob fact for you!!! If your mom has small boobs but your boobs are large, you got them from your dad. Yup your boob size depends on both parent's boob size if you didn't know.

BOOB FACTS

Lopsided boobs are completely natural! in other words the left boob isn't always the same size as the right boob, this is completely normal and you are beautiful

that's actually the only boob fact I have so far I'm trans sorry I'm new to this

*grabs twenty megaphones and sticks them all together* You will soon~ *insert evil laughter*

“These specimens have been conditioned for contact. They’re safe. But if you see them in the wild, DO NOT approach. It’s very dangerous.” “Why? Are they aggressive?” “No, they’re extremely friendly and very playful. That’s why it’s dangerous.”

This is canon people. Try to change my mind

Ford and Mabel Bonding!

because because because,,,

I gotta,,,

Neighbor with a farm: "WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY POTATOES?!" Or Zeus steals the from the store.

Today at therapy was really hard. I was sitting here crying, and generally being miserable, when I felt a nudge at my knee. I looked down to see that Zeus, my service dog, was doing his job… and brought me a potato. it is very hard to cry with a gift of potato.

The daughter in question: MURDER!!!! (she's having tea with dolls and is 15.... is she trying to poison one of them? Yes? No?)

“I never told you to train her, I told you to protect her!”

“Her training will protect her.”

“But you turned my daughter into a bloody assassin!”

Me: Umm.... hey boss? Boss: any new leads on that case? Me: Yeah, I found myself Boss: What?? Me: Turns out I was kidnapped and my parent's aren't my parents! Boss: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

You’re a detective that opens up an old missing child case from 1997, after new evidence had occurred. You stumble back from desk in shock. You’re the missing 1997 child