@ask-the-face-man

I'll murder everyone here if I don't get my dog.

You’ve died and have reached the after life. They are giving you the grand tour of heaven. “Any questions before you decide if your staying with us?” You, “yes just one, where’s my dog?” Them, “ahh yes, we have a strict no pets allowed policy.”

Ladys and gentlemen, the one I call a friend is more insane than I am. Someone get her therapy please, she needs to fix her obsessions.

how we liking the phone (ft. akane)

Guy: YOU STUPID BITCH! I FUCKING TUTORED YOU FOR NOTHING?! Me: WELL YOU SUCK AS A TEACHER YA CUNT!

You are “the guy”, when something needs to be done, something needs to be fixed, when governments, billionaires or very important people need something done and someone says “I know a guy”, you are that guy. Now you are facing what may be your hardest job.

It might seem crazy what I'm about to say.

Your brother left his newborn child with you so that he could go “find himself,” whatever that meant. Lacking the resources and unable to care for a child, you had no choice but to give them up for adoption. Years later, your brother finally returns and asks where his child is.

WHY?????? I LOVE SEEING WHO MADE IT!

I just reada really good fic but halfway through I realized "oh shit this is really familiar.... didn't I write something like this once?" And as I kept reading I kept predicting what happened next and the further I went the more convinced I was that they'd ripped off my story-

like, copied the ENTIRE plot and re-written it, just better than I had? The characters were more fleshed-out than mine were, and the POV was more interesting, and the pace made more sense- but it was MY STORY?

So close to the end I was like "holy shit.. do I message them? Ask if my story inspired theirs? Should I be angry? Flattered?" Cause their tags and description didn't mention me AT ALL, which, sure, it's fanfiction to begin with, but if you're using my work than at least credit me as inspo, right? Just to be courteous?

But I get to the end of the final chapter, and it's not finished, and I'm kind of disappointed cause I never finished my story and I was really immersed in their version now and had been looking forwards to seeing how they tied up my loose ends- so I scroll to the bottom to leave a comment, and.

It's MY URL.

IT WAS MY STORY THE WHOLE TIME.

THE ONE *I WROTE*.

In *2013*.

And FORGOT ABOUT

BECAUSE I WAS SO INSECURE ABOUT MY SLOPPY, SHALLOW, AMETEUR WRITING

And I'm just sitting here now staring into space thinking about every shitty story I've ever written now like

IT WAS ALL GOOD?

IT WAS GOOD THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME??

I'M A GOOD WRITER?????

SAVE PEOPLE'S LIFE WITH THIS!!!!!!

Reading amazing fanfiction, then forgetting to bookmark it

Me: I'm heading out! I'm making sure this kid is happy! My minon: But boss! The heroes! Me: They can go fuck themselves! I bet so many heroes denided seeing this little kid so now they have to ask a villain! and if the child doesn't have parents, get the adoption papers ready!

You are one of the most dangerous villain in the world of heroes, also known as The Death. One day you received a letter from Make-A-Wish requesting you to visit a sick child.

*holds up frying pan* Easy way or hard way

You're not the only one with insomnia, right?

Me and Leon are hashtag twinning with insomnia 💥

Please don't call us out like this...

My mom showing me "hot", buff, alpha males she took from Google: "Do you think he's attractive? He looks really nice!"

Me thinking about stinky opossum guys who look like they've been out in the rain for 13 days: "Yeah I guess I dunno.."

I'm guessing the questions are... "HOW?!" and "WHY???"