I Am Suffering 24/7 But At Least Im Funny

Tony, lying in bed about to go to sleep: shall I turn off the light?

Stephen: FRIDAY just a second please

Tony: *lying down and closing his eyes*

Stephen: *counting down to 00:00* 5…4…3..2..1

Stephen, as the light goes dark: you missed our anniversary. Goodnight.

Tony: *sitting up at once*

Me walking into the mcdonalds: ah good mcmorning could i mchave a mccoffee mcplease?

Mcemployee: sir you dont have to put mc in front of everything

Me:

Okay but what if sherlock did die.

What if, when sherlock jumped from the hospital roof. he realy died, and john got so depressed he tried to kill himself with a overdosis sleeping pills. But he failed and got into coma and kept imagening adventures with sherlock. Mary is just the nurse who takes care of him and rosie is het daughter she cant stop talking about. And when mary “dies” she had just quit her job.

I can have fun alone!

I say as i isolate myself from the world to cry

#meme

*tony* kid, what the hell happened over there?

*peter* i dont know, i sang baby shark for two hours and they let me go

new favourite thing: peter parker getting kidnapped as an SI intern and going against all expectations

kidnapper: i know you're scared. this'll all be over soon, and we'll let you go unharmed ...if you give us what we want

peter: oh, no, please. keep me. i've got school and i'm really just not feeling it today, you know?

kidnapper: give us information on tony stark, we know you work for him

peter: okay, first of all, i'd say i more work with him? second of all, i don't know, man. he likes blueberries-

peter: i just think it's a little rude that you're holding me captive and not even being professional about it. you kidnapped iron man's intern, seriously. where's the passion? it's honestly depressing in here. oh my god, is that what's driving you? because i know a good therapist. i mean, i haven't seen them for myself yet, but mr. stark recommends them and he usually has good ideas-

kidnapper: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEBODY SHUT HIM UP

Now here me out.

What if...

I was nicely laying in my bed when i felt something tickeling my arm. So i thought: hey what is this weird feeling lets check it out. So i took my phone and turned my flashlight on. Turned out there was a FUCKING BEAST IN MY BED, WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO GET IN MY BED!!!! THIS IS ILLEGAL SAMANTHA!!!! THIS IS RAPE.

Im in the mood to run people over with my car.

But i dont have a car.

So everyone is save.

...for now

Cursive