No Thoughts, Head Filled With Skip Muck With Sweater Paws

Very random headcanons about the easy boys:

Babe was down with the flu and spend three days not leaving his bed and watching conspiracy theories on netflix

The very next time he went back to work and saw Speirs, he was damn sure his captain was replaced by a reptile and Speirs is actually an enormous lizard hiding under human skin;

Bill knows one direction songs better than some of the 1d fans;

Hoobler always thinks that those little sparks in the sky at night are not planes but ufos;

Smokey blocked him on the phone because he got tired of Hoobler sending him real pixelated dots of the night sky with GORDON THEY ARE REAL SHIT FUCK WE GONNA DIE messages;

Guys have “no questions asked” use of one time for each other;

Meaning that if one of them calls the other and asks to do something and ads “no questions asked”, the latter will not ask, tell, question or deny anything he is asked to do;

Examples of this involved Lip going to a real shady place at 4am in the morning to give some money to nix who was buying a baby goat from Russian mafia;

Roe trying to remove Cob’s dick from a plant pot;

Speirs playing along with acting that Harry is the prince of Wales just so that Harry would get a free desert and some restaurant in a small village in Madagascar;

 Nix trading naked, tied to a bed Speirs for three big macs from a 70-year-old hooker;

Luz distracting Sobel by kissing him because Lieb was planting a prank in Sobel’s room and almost got caught by Sobel returning early;T

he last incident cause a whole bunch of mess as

·         A) Sobel was conflicted with either punishing Luz for his behavior and also not wanting to look homophobic because of punishing man for his preferred kiss-buddies;

·         B) Toye thinking that Luz is actually attracted to Sobel and being both disgusted by this and incredibly depressed as he was in the stage of doodling little hearts around Luz’s name in his notebook;

·         C) Sink asking Dick to give an inappropriate behavior lecture to Easy:

·         D) Dick giving the lecture and mentioning that it is also inappropriate to slap someone’s ass or comment on the physical body of other soldier;

·         E) Easy making the game out of this and objectifying the most ridiculous parts of each other’s body

·         “DAMN TAB YOUR CLAVICULA MAKES MY NORTHEN REGION ENLARGE”

·         “Captain Nixon, your Adam’s apple looks especially fine today”

 Penkala once saw Dick and Nix slowly dancing to Elton John’s version of “Chapel of love”

He recorded everything and never showed or mentioned this to anyone;

 A year later, at Nix’s and Dick’s wedding afterparty, he showed the video to everyone;

Even Speirs got tear-eyed;

You know how in friends chandler accidently saw Rachel naked, so she wanted took revenge on him but then saw joe naked and so on and so on?

Yes well Don accidentally walked on Ron naked in his office (he was just after the shower) and of course Nix said that the best way to defuse the tension would be Ron seeing Don naked;

So after the trainings, Ron bee railed to Don’s room in hopes to see him naked;

What he didn’t know was that Muck’s shower wasn’t working so Much showered at Don’s place and yes, Ron dragged shower curtain trying to peak at Don but al he saw was naked Muck performing “my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” and the screeching like a little girl;

So this send a barrel rolling down the hill and the very highlight of this situation was;

Our poor, innocent Skinny Sisk seeing an old and wrinkled ass of our most respected Colonel Sink

So waaaay before Toye and Luz were a thing, Toye experienced quite common symptoms of having a crush

Except that he never had those and actually though that there was something wrong with him

 And he went to Gene and described them

Mind you, Gene was in, like, his third year of med school

So Toye goes “I dunno, doc its like, once a day maybe twice, I get these intense heartbeats, my pulse just goes insane, I get hot flashes, my head starts spinning a bit, and it never happened before”

“so how long has this been going on?”

“maybe like 2months. How long does Luz live with me and Bill? That’s how long.”

 And Gene just looks at his chart, looks at Toye, looks at his medical books and goes:

“I think you are experiencing a menopause”

Buck is a serious carnivore and once Luz dared him to eat a broccoli and Buck still says it was the most horrifying experience in his life. And this guy was in war

Martin and Bull take a spa day once in month because their nerves need a break from easy’s shenanigans once in a while

webster is that you

Winters: And what do we say when we feel like this?

Nixon: More espresso less depresso.

Winters: No–

Really drunk Joe Toye sitting in a pile of puppies and he starts getting teary eyed and his voice gets really husky as he gathers them up into his arms and rubs his face into their fluffy little bodies. “I can’t protect all of them.”

Rules: Describe yourself with 10 pictures you already have. No downloading or searching for new ones.

Thank you

Tagging: @baberoeeee @sunnyshifty @geniedocroe

Rules: Describe yourself with 10 pictures you already have. No downloading or searching for new ones.

Thank you so much for tagging me @dearscone and @sohoneyspreadyourwings 💕

*I have plenty more photos to describe me*

I'm gonna tag: @queen-irl-af, @brianmay-be, @alienoresimagines, @melancholiaprincess, and anyone else who would like to play and just say I tagged you 💚💚

Babe: Can you dust my wets?

Doc Roe: You can just ask for Parmesan cheese

Babe, confused, lifts all of his spaghetti with his hands: Please. My wets.

Burton “Pat” Paul Christenson

The resident artist of Easy Company, a small but important role.

The Real Christenson:

So there’s a few different sources saying when he was born. On official records in Ancestry, it says he was born July 23, 1922. In the book by Marcus Brotherton, he says August 24, 1922. I’d go with the official date recorded by not only his family but the government….but that’s just me.

Burton Paul Christenson was born in 1922 in Oakland, California. As a child he was never called Burton, he was called Pat (a self given nickname) or Chris.

He was talented, even as a kid. He played piano, sang, and drew throughout his life. He never took a professional art class, just a few college courses. As a teenager, he made airplane models out of wood. His friends recall Pat was a perfectionist about his airplanes and if one wasn’t exactly perfect, it was burned and flown.

With his creative side, he also had an adventurous side. At age 13, Pat jumped off his roof with an umbrella to see if it would slow his fall. Needless to say, he never did that again. He learned archery after watching Robin Hood and would read Robin Hood to his younger cousins.

He was fairly athletic, even using his talents to help him out in that area of his life. He made his own weights with lead and flower pots. He could walk on his hands, box, and loved push-ups.

Pat graduated from high school at Castlemont. Before the war, he worked in a telephone company. He enlisted at the age of 20, after visiting a recruiter during a lunch break. They saw the ad for the Paratroopers and were convinced it was the only way to go. He did not want to be the average man in the Army, he wanted to be the best of the best.

Pat was always up for a challenge and competition and proving his worth with Easy was his goal when he enlisted.

When he started training, he wrote that, at first, “the majority of men had little conception of Army life and what was expected of them.” Mostly, “too many men in our ranks were unsuited for the Parachute Infantry,”

Pat soon was the toughest man in Toccoa. He held the physical-fitness record in Toccoa, an accomplishment that Winters confirmed in a letter to his family. The scene where Pat drinks water while running Currahee, didn’t actually happen to him, it happened to another person but it was shown to be Christenson.

Pat kept a photo of his younger cousin Gary (the two were close throughout most of their life) tucked into his helmet during jump school. When he made his qualifying jump, he managed to get an extra pair of jump wings and sent them back to Gary. He told Gary he was now a qualified jumper and Gary became the envy of his school with his fancy jump wings.

When Easy was sent to Alderbourne, England, Pat was with them. They continued to train and Pat continued to write about his experiences, saying, “Our training revolved around how to fight every conceivable way, and often, large groups of men gathered at the local pub.”

Pat was assigned to teach unarmed combat to others due to fear of an enemy invasion. Winters picked three easy men, all of them were privates. To gain respect from their trainees, Winters told them to borrow sergeants uniforms for their teaching. They traveled to the other units and trained them in hand-to-hand combat for days. During this time his reputation as the toughest man of Easy only grew. He wrote: “After a period of time, a group came to me and exclaimed, ‘Sergeant, no one can get out of this guy’s hold. If this stuff works, show us how you’d get away from him.’ There, standing in the middle of the group, was a great big 300-pounder with a smile from ear to ear. I deliberately paused, directed a cold stare at him, then approached quickly and said, ‘Make your move.’ As soon as I felt his arms around me I immediately collapsed my legs and threw my arms over my head. I slipped out of his grasp and found the back of his neck with my hands. His body was now bent over my back. I jerked hard on the back of his neck. His body, off balance, came flying over my shoulder and struck the ground with a violent thud. Swiftly, I drove my knee into his neck. I had never executed that move as well before or since. The crowd roared with approval. Then and there, to that group, I was untouchable.”

Pat was in the same plane as Richard Winters on their jump into Normandy. Like most of them, Pat had a rough ride down. Pat was a machine gunner at the time and lost the tripod for the gun during the jump, along with most of his other supplies. He also spotted a German firing an antiaircraft gun as he landed, but the German did not spot him (he was firing at another paratrooper) and Pat lived to tell the tale after safely landing in an apple tree.

When he went for cover, he landed on a dead American soldier. The dead man made a noise as air escaped his lungs and terrified poor Pat. What a helluva way to start the war?

Pat stayed in cover for a while, sensing movement, he gave the signal with the cricket. (Because why would you say flash when you’re surrounded by Germans and they might actually shoot you if they don’t know that language) When no response came, Pat raised to shoot the figure in front of him. The shadowy figure yelled out, “For Christ-sake, don’t shoot.” It was a boy named Woodrow Runner, Pat’s assistant gunner. He had lost part of his cricket and couldn’t send the signal.

Pat spent the rest of his Normandy campaign as a grenadier. He described it as one small skirmish after the other.

Pat made the jump into Holland on September 17, 1944. Pat considered this jump to be like a “parade ground jump”. By this time, Pat had become a squad leader and replacements were making their first jump.  Easy liberated the town of Eindhoven and made their way to Nuenen. Pat  wrote extensively about the skirmish in Nuenen. 

When two Germans fired at Pat from their location in a second story window, Pat raised his Thompson at them and fired. The gun did not fire, but the Germans were still firing at him. Pat realized that his gun had been put together wrong and he was exposed in an open field. Pat managed to fix his gun, out in the open, and get it placed back together properly. The Germans did not decide to stick around for the gun to work and ran. 

Pat recalls an event that happened shortly after, “The last house had an open field next to it. I parted the foliage of the hedge that separated the field from the house. I must have been spotted by a German machine gunner. Before he could fire, I pushed through the hedge and dropped into a ditch just on the other side. Robert Van Klinken, one of my riflemen, was following me closely. [Van Klinken] peered through the same opening as I had, just as the German machine gunner depressed the trigger. Van Klinken was hit with three bullets.”

Pat managed to grab Van Klinken, who was hit in the groin and chest, and dragged him into the ditch. Then men in the ditch were under heavy fire from the Germans. Pat waited until orders from Peacock, who was not sure what to do. They eventually called a withdrawal and manged to escape under fire. ““‘Chris, I’m not sure what to do,’ [Peacock said.] “‘Let’s withdraw—now!’ I said. He hesitated. ‘Who’s going to start the withdrawal?’ (The Germans were firing a machine gun in the path of our only escape route.)I said to the men around me to move to the rear in two’s and keep spread out. The men began to move. All got clear of the house. Peacock dashed across the danger area and I was close behind him. We ran as fast as we could for several hundred yards when we finally ran into the rest of E Company. We mounted the rest of the British tanks and rode back to Eindhoven.” 

Pat lost his friends Van Klinken and Bill Dukeman during the fight at Nuenen. 

Like every member of Easy, Bastogne held no good memories for Pat. On December 18, 1944, Easy left France (where they were having a slight break beforehand) and traveled to Bastogne, Belgium. Easy arrived on the 19th, dug their foxholes, and prepared for the worst. 

Snow began to fall on December 21 and the temperatures only got worse as the days carried on. Pat only writes once more about Bastogne, on December 23, 1944: “The blackness of the early morning surrendered to the new dawn. It was cold and quiet, and snow had fallen intermittently [throughout] the night. The flicker of a small fire could be seen in the rear toward the first platoon CP [command post]. [The fire] was well under control, for there was no tell-tale smoke that a German artillery observer could see. [If there had been smoke,] that area would have been shelled or mortared immediately. The early morning hours passed with only the sound of sporadic small arms fire to our left flank and occasional mortar fire a great distance away.”

 While Pat did not write about Bastogne, he drew about Bastogne.  One drawing shows a man’s leg exploding, being hit from mortar fire. Toye and Guarnere both lost their legs to mortar fire in January and Pat drew the picture in their honor. Other drawings include a jeep being hit by a mortar blast, patrols, tank battles, mortar fire, and hiking toward town. 

Below is a drawing by Pat (credit to Marcus Brotherton): 

Pat was injured a few times at Bastogne. Pat was injured as he was in his foxhole, his arm outside the hole. He heard the shrapnel coming, but was too sleep deprived to bother to move his arm. He was hit in the arm. Afterwards, he didn’t put in for a Purple Heart because ‘Van Klinken and Dukeman were killed, it was nothing’. When Bastogne was coming to a close, his feet froze and he was evacuated and sent to the hospital. When he arrived to the hospital, Pat wanted to take a bath but was told not to because of his frozen feet. Pat didn’t want to get into the hospital bed while he was still dirty, so he took one anyways.

Pat returned to Easy before they took Hitler’s Eagle’s Nest and finished the war off with Easy. 

Pat returned home in the fall of 1945, now a Tech Sergeant by the war’s end. His first night home, he talked about war, mostly focused on being glad it was over. Gary, his cousin, remembered that first night and told about how Pat had been affected by the war, “ Funny thing was, he looked up at the ceiling inside his parents’ house and said, “Wonder if a mortar could go through this.” Pat wanted to get on with life, same as the rest of the guys. A few evenings later, the family held a big dinner celebration.” 

Pat went back to work soon after getting home, back to the telephone company he’d been with before the war began. He was not happy at that job, wanting to instead be an artist or horticulturalist. Pat was also big into physical fitness and eventually started a side job where he opened one of the first public gymnasiums in Oakland, California. Pat got a third job in landscaping and worked on that from 1967 to 1987. 

Pat married Mary Jo Bonham in 1947. They had three children, all sons, and moved into a large house near Oakland. The house had a large yard, which Pat decorated with a Japanese garden and a deck. Pat loved it so much, he slept outside during the summer.

Like most of Easy, the war followed Pat home. His son, Chris, said in an interview, “My father was probably like many of the fellows who came back. He was haunted by a lot of his war experiences. My room was adjacent to the back yard. I’d have the window open and remember hearing him in the night, many times. He had put stone pathways in the backyard, and I’d hear him walking on the pathways at two or three o’clock in morning. Afraid, I’d go to my mother. ‘Your father’s having funny feelings,’ she said. That was how she put it.”

Mary Jo passed away in 1997, three months after being diagnosed with liver cancer. She was 69 at the time. While her sudden death took many for surprise, it destroyed Pat. He stopped writing and no longer cared about life. There was no purpose left for Pat and grief consumed him.Pat’s own health began to falter. He had an small stroke and was left a changed man. Pat became slow, unresponsive, and he spiraled downwards from there. He was put into a hospital near one of his sons, Paul Jr. 

During his time in the hospital, Pat was still tough as he was during the war. He even got to the point of needing to be restrained so he could not punch the staff. But his brain was still “rewired” and he was losing track of the day. He was put into an  Alzheimer’s facility after a short time in the hospital. His brain would sometimes revert back to his days with Easy. One event that came to his son’s mind was when his dad said: “’Well, [Sergeant Don] Malarkey’s sitting over there. I just told him he had outpost duty.’ I’d say, ‘That’s not Malarkey.’ He’d say emphatically, ‘Of course it is.’”

Then, magically, his brain just rewired itself again. One day, he told his son he was fine and he needed to go home. And it turned out, he was perfectly fine. He was even able to take his driver’s test again and passed it. Then Pat was diagnosed with colon cancer. He had it removed and was just fine afterwards. But even Pat had his limits. 

Pat fell in his backyard, broke his arm and messed up his leg. His son Tim paid for him to have a caregiver live with him from there on. Pat was diagnosed with lung cancer, most likely due to his smoking habits that started with the war. Pat was offered surgery to remove the cancer, but refused after hearing he might end up on a ventilator. ““I don’t want to go out like that,” Pat said. “Let the cards fall where they may.”

Pat fell into a coma after a high fever. He died on  December 15, 1999. Pat passed away in his home, with his three sons by his side. 

When Guarnere told Winters that Pat had passed away, Winters wrote to the family: ““I always took pride in having my best looking man out front carrying the guidon [a small flag carried for marking, signaling or identification] for reviews by dignitaries. And that man, or course, was always Pat, who, with his clean-cut good looks and wide shoulders, proudly carried the Company E guidon.“When it came time for the big jump in Normandy, I wanted my best, most dependable man right behind me, that man was Pat again.””

Toye: Luz, put on some pants or at least some really high socks.

Luz: Really high socks it is, then!