Latest Posts by owensarrows - Page 4

*queerplatonics all your love songs*

I want to be a guy's princess but in a boy way. His pretty boy. His malewife, if you will.

life sucks but at least we can sexualize the horrors

my biggest pet peeve is when people use unconsciously instead of subconsciously

No, a QPR is not 'more than a friendship'.

No relationship type is inherently worth more than another, and none are superior or inferior.

Relationships do not exist on a hierarchy, despite what society may have you believe.

Relationship types just are. You can participate in them or not, that is up to you.

But no, a QPR is not a relationship type that is 'more than a friendship'.

Certain relationship types cannot be more of a relationship than another.

QPRs are just another relationship type to exist. You can be part of one or not, it doesn't matter.

But just stop saying they are a relationship 'more than a friendship'.

Because relationship hierarchies are fucking bullshit.

What are the limitations of friendship but a normalized social construct ?

I shall kiss my friends if we so desire, thank you very much

Still not over the fact that there's people out there, putting their laptops in their fridges to cool it down..

One season a year, I turn into a wet sock and my skin feels like it's on fire.

You’re not lazy, you’re neurodivergent:

A post on executive dysfunction, ADHD inattentiveness and hyperfocus, and whatever else occurred to me as related as I originally wrote this for twitter.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been called lazy by people in your life. But the thing is, there’s almost no-one (if anyone) who’s actually lazy. And I promise you, if you’ve felt guilty because there are things you should be doing and can’t get them done? You are NOT lazy.

I’ll get to executive dysfunction, the main focus of this thread in a moment. Because I want to start by talking about ADHD and hyperfocus.

Is it hard for you to pay attention to things you don’t enjoy, but can focus for hours on things you do?

Does the world ever disappear to the point you forget to eat/drink while you’re working? Can you suddenly get days worth of work done in a short amount of time, but only once it’s the last minute, or when you get into the zone? But you don’t necessarily have control over getting into that mode?

Hyperfocus

The reason this is related to this thread is that often this is the “proof” that you’re lazy. Look, if you’re interested you get things done! Look at how much you can do when you “just make yourself” or “just focus”! Clearly you just don’t want to do the thing.

I can’t tell you how many days I’ve sat there trying to get into a zone that’s eluding me, losing sleep and feeling guilty, just to finally hyperfocus in the final day and pull out a miracle.

But I have ZERO ability to force it (I have tricks! but it’s not the same).

Hyperfocus often gets brought up as a “you can’t have ADHD, look how focus on the things you enjoy! Look what happens when you do focus!”

But actually, it’s a major aspect of inattentive ADHD!

So, that’s why hyperfocus matters in this convo.

Now onto Executive Dysfunction.

To start with, a quick note: Executive dysfucntion is not just an ADHD thing. It’s an aspect of a lot of different neurodivergencies.

Also, this is primarily from my perspective as a person with ADHD, I’d love to hear your versions of these experiences!)

I like to describe executive dysfunction as “the start button isn’t there.”

Also, this isn’t just for chores or boring things.

Have you ever sat there going “I want to game” but it just never happens?

I sure have!

When you have executive dysfunction, this means that starting tasks can be near impossible. You just can’t get yourself to start it. Often, you may sit there staring at the document with the blinking cursor, or looking at the stove, or glancing at the full laundry basket, etc

But again, there’s no start button. You just can’t do the thing. Which makes it really hard when people tell you to just focus, or that you could do it if you just cared, or that you’re just lazy.

Because we want to do the thing! We do!

(I mean, okay, want may be a strong word sometimes, I never WANT to do chores, but it’s still not an intentional putting it off. It’s more an “I need to do this thing, I know I need to, I want it to be done, but I can’t get myself to do it”)

Now for me, and many with ADHD, once someone points out you haven’t done the thing, or when the deadline comes close, suddenly the start button appears

Which again, people use as proof you totally could have done the thing the whole time.

So clearly you were just lazy & are only doing it cause you got yelled at/prodded/nagged.

But this isn’t true, there was no start button!

@adhd-alien has a PERFECT comic on this: https://twitter.com/ADHD_Alien/status/1138475368191598594

Now, we learn tricks to deal with this. Or meds may help.

For me, I find ways to enforce outside deadlines, or I’m more likely to have. a start button for something I’m doing with/for other people.

But ultimately, our brains just don’t work the same.

So for someone where the start buttons are always there, who assumes everyone is the same as them, it looks like we’re actively making the choice not to hit start.

So they call us lazy, unable to see us desperately trying to hit a button that’s just. Not. There.

Now, add on to this all the other comorbidities that come with neurodivergency, we almost never have just one thing. Add on physical disabilities or chronic/invisible illnesses or chronic pain or fatigue.

All of these make it so much harder.

There are SO many things that affect our abilities to get things done.

For example, I had a doctor appointment four days in a row (OT, neurologist, OT, infusion). I also helped schedule an event, and did a stream.

Before MS and chronic pain that would be nothing.

I could have done SO much more, filled my days with getting things done.

Now? I’m spending today on the couch, recovering before my stream tonight.

And I have to fight so much guilt, because I feel like I should be doing more. But my body just CAN’T.

So.

Do you feel guilty, but you just can’t start the thing?

Is there no start button?

Are you exhausted and your body is insisting you rest?

There are so many things that affect our ability to do things.

Brains, bodies, the world we live in.

But you’re not lazy.

HAPPY PRIDE THE A IN LGBTQIA+ STANDS FOR ASPEC IDENTITIES NOT ALLY !!!

there is no stronger self control than that of someone who’s closeted and resisting the urge to make a hilarious gay joke in the heat of the moment

Your value and worth as a person does not lie in how productive you are.

You are so much more than the amount of shit you get done (or don't get done) and no person can be judged by something like this alone. We are so much more my loves.

Just wanted to say that in case you needed to hear this. <33

For pride month I think we should make some fictional men real /hj

There are not nearly enough words in the English lexicon (or any language for that matter) to express the immense charm and magnificence of that Fallen Angel painting. I think about it so often and every little detail is simply mesmerising. I want it on my wall in big. I want to see it every day for the rest of my existence because it is too beautiful not to, and it would honestly make each day ×9999999999 better.

fwb who don't even include the "friends" part <<<<<<<<

need titties gone so i can have a cute boy lay on my chest

i want to go to the beach with him and build sand castles and splash him with water and have a picnic on the beach and laugh

Black people do not have to be exceptional for their right to life!!!!

Repeat after me:

Black people do not have to be exceptional for their right to life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men men men men men gay gay gay men men gay gay men men men <33