This Reminds Me Of The Time My Old Roommate Asked Me To Cut An Apple For The Dish He Was Making And The

I also have the need to entertain you and will constantly ask if you want anything if you come to my home because “being a good host” was drilled into me from birth

I’m gonna need you to perform a full memory wipe before leaving, thanks

if we break up u have to return your keys and all knowledge of my personality traits & netflix queue

But they were the coolest and you had to own a shit ton to set on your desk next to the eraser that actually worked or your life was meaningless

these dont erase ANYTHING

A bunch of kids messing with a ouija board: we call upon the spirits!

The ghost of a teenager who died in 2002: *snikering* Bro, I’m gonna tell them I’m a Victorian royal murdered by my husband.

His buddy, laughing: Yo, tell them you never got revenge so now you’re gonna murder them instead.

The ghost: Oh, hell yeah! Classic man!

the issue w/ ouija boards is that ghosts are LIARS and RELISH in your sorrows 

I become more and more of a conspiracy theorist every time I learn something new about the government

Tiktok is making a whole bunch of claims that you shouldn’t curse the government because they have ‘ancient dark magicks that is so much more powerful then us and did we mention Ancient and Dark and every person talking about this spells it magick’ and something about the cia doing astral projection? and I feel like you’d find this funny caretaker

ACTUALLY THAT'S REAL

IM NOT EVEN JOKING THE CIA TRIED TO TRAIN PEOPLE TO SCRY BACK IN THE 50s BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THE RUSSIANS WERE DOING IT IT TIES INTO THE MKULTRA STUFF

THEY DONT HAVE SORCERERS ANYMORE SO YOU CAN CURSE THEM

How come your kid can be whoever they want when they grow up, but when I try it it’s “identity theft” and “illegal”

fuck it up buttercup 

This is honestly the best thing I’ve ever seen

people will look at classic dystopian sci-fi like "wow how did the author predict this would happen" and the answer is they didn't. they hoped and hoped this wouldn't happen. (some of them, the lucky few perhaps, even died believing the worst had been averted.) these writers took a look at terrible things happening around them, and imagined a future where these terrible things dominated and warped reality, and they held it up to the audience and said "see? does this future not appall you??? it has already begun."

dystopian fiction isn't a prediction. it is a warning and a PLEA