Hello, I Am Mohammed Ayyad From Gaza. I Would Like To Share Our Story With You. I Was A High School Student

Name/place/other things

(she/her) 🩷🌷 studyblr / writerblr / desiblr

hiii!! I'm pari - (puh-ree) this is actually the pet name that my family and or close friends call me by so I thought that'll make this account a bit more personal (it means fairy/angel 🧚)

Age : 18!!!!

Grade : - 12th+ / gap year

preparing for : jee mains and adv + fashion school + cbse boards improvement

My subjects are :

Physics

Chemistry

Maths

English

Physical education

hobbies 🌷: dancing, painting/sketching, reading/writing poetries , reading books, watching movies

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movies- I'm a self proclaimed cinephile, I'm a big bollywood munchie. I've actually grown up on bolly films and I think watching movies has kept me sane

favourite/comfort movies 🩷

yeh jawani hai deewani (prolly watched this 27271 times).

dil dhadakne do (criminally underrated)

taare zameen par (childhood trauma)

gangs of wasseypur (I'm from bihar so..).

jane bhi do yaaron (way ahead of it's time).

kal hona ho (srk fangirlism)

tamasha (relatable af)

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music- I do listen to music quite a lot , my taste? everything except for the ones I dislike lol ,and i think because I learnt dancing ever since I was a child I tend to lean towards pop beats but I also listen to slow music quite a bit

favourite songs (at the moment) 🩷

Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call by bleachers

Pop Muzik by M,Robin Scott

Diet Pepsi by Addison Rae

I bet on losing dogs by mitski

Juno by Sabrina Carpenter

Femininominon & HOT TO GO! by Chappell Roan

Baawre by Shankar Mahadevan.

Believe by Cher

Ophelia by The Lumineers

G.O.A.T by Diljit Dosanjh

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books/novels - I haven't read anything new in the past two years other than my academic books , but I'm interested in literature a lot and I'll read any good literary piece no matter the genre

favourite books 🩷:

The kite runner by Khaled Hosseini

Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

And the mountains echoed by Khaled Hosseini

Normal People by Salley Rooney

A thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hosseini

Under the oak tree by Suji Kim

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Why Tumblr?

I have had this account for a while but I only used it for reading smut 😶‍🌫️ lmao and now I want to use it to bring some decorum in my life.

I think writing a blog about my day is a good way to keep myself in check. I'll be treating this blog like my journal.

My lifestyle has been very messed up from the last two years , so along with studying, I'm also gonna focus on getting my shit together in general. this account would revolve around the same , but I also yap a lot so I'm gonna talk about some random musings as well :3 :)) ;)

how does active recall work?

active recall is a method of studying where you actively stimulate your memory during the learning process. instead of passively reviewing notes or textbooks, you test yourself on the material, forcing your brain to retrieve information. this process strengthens your memory and enhances your understanding of the subject.

the principle behind active recall is simple: the more you practice retrieving information, the better you become at remembering it. this technique involves:

asking yourself questions about the material.

summarizing information without looking at your notes.

using flashcards to test your knowledge.

teaching the material to someone else.

Closure.

[looking back at a diary entry]

It's 31st May , 2024 , 6 am in the morning

I didn't sleep at all I stayed up doing random things, but all of it ended with me praying

well , for someone as pathetic as i

there could me many things to pray for ;

a better life , health , my parents to (finally) love me , good grades , any improvement of any sort infact

But at the end of a day and the start of another

I find myself praying for him

for how I wish I could hug him goodbye

how I wish I could meet him for one last time

how I wish I could look into his eyes one last time

how I wish I could hear him laugh one last time

How I wish I could see him smile one last time

and oh how I wish to just lay my eyes on him one last time

to just rest my eyes on him and memorize every little detail

the way his almond eyes are a little widespread

the way his nose scrunches as a reflex everytime he's in sun

the his smile is slightly titled towards left

the way his lips just stay in the same position when he laughs

the way his eyes catch the first hint of emotion that eventually creeps across his face

the way he raises his eyebrows subconsciously

the way he touches his nose everytime he is thinking

the way he shifts his head to one side whenever he stands

the way his teeth are bent forwards at a 10° angle

he is a beautiful boy

I probably don't even remember what he looks like exactly

I would just love to admire him one last time

I was not sure whether i should use past or present tense when I talk of his face

I am sure he changed

He probably looks prettier now

only to make me hate myself more

I often wonder if he is completely oblivious to my feelings

is he completely unaware of how much I want to hug him

not to feel anything but just a warm embrace

by him

by the first boy I fell in love with when I was just a kid

the first boy whose name I wrote at the back of my diary to find "flames" of lol

Embracing him would be like embracing my entire childhood

my ages through puberty

my acne phase

my bob-hair-tomboy-anjali phase

my boyband phase

my bangs phase

my theater phase

my artist phase

my jee phase

through it all he was there

not physically but somewhere in my heart

Just there

like an asshole really

somewhere he shouldn't be

but just with his legs on the table with shoes still on , a ciggerate in one hand and my diary in other

he owns it

he knows the command he has over me even if he isn't there

is that what romanticizing someone out of bounds feels like?

someone who isn't yours, was never yours ,will never be yours

but you know that the world is a game of gamble

and even a chance as small as a spec of sand is still a chance

and you hold onto that chance so dearly that everything you think about is consumed by that tiny possibility against the innumerable odds

yet you fight the world and it's rules just to think of yourself as his and his as yours

irrationally , erratically, irresistibly

I fantasize sometimes that maybe if i hugged him good bye

maybe then he would take his shoes off the table and leave

maybe that hug could do what almost 10 years of life couldn't

I fantasize sometimes that maybe if i had a huge fight with him and told him to get out

maybe then he would flip me off and leave

maybe that fight could do what almost 10 years of life couldn't

but that hug and that fight are the spec of sand

against the odds that I might never see him in this lifetime

and if I do I am sure that I would turn into that little girl again who understood what being vulnerable meant at an alarmingly young age

I wish I could just lie in his arms and cry

cry about how much I miss him

about how much I wish he was mine

about how much I hate him

about how difficult it has been to hate him

and about how I would go to the moon and back just to see him break into a titled smile

I was literally ready to fight anything and anyone to protect him

and I did

until i realised that he doesn't want my protection

until I realise how foolish it was to go to battles for someone who doesn't even want you to

; not because they care about you getting hurt

but because they wouldn't care at all even if you died

maybe he was blind and didn't see me

Or maybe he saw me and used my help and just left like that

I truly don't know which one is worse

I hate how much space he consumes of my thoughts

I hate how everything reminds me of him

his song pops up in my recommendations

everytime I open my eyes I see his favourite colour

when I open my phone and there are messages from him

when I open my phone and there are no messages from him

i hate how much I love him

when I don't cross his mind at all

25.12.2024 , Wednesday

Merry Christmas everyone!! <3333

I hope your christmas is going better than mine as I literally couldn't celebrate at all cuz I have my chemistry exam tomorrow :")

my family's over for dinner, I just paid them a quick visit and excused myself for studying and yet

Somehow I don't think I studied enough as well , I had so much time and I didn't utilise it well but there's no point in regretting rn

so here's all that I'll try doing before I take a pre-exam nap :

d and f block quick revision and imp questions

physical chemistry quick revision and imp questions

ncert line by line of atleast one of the electrochemistry

revise all the above once before sleeping

that's all , I hope I'm able to manage atleast these

wish me luckkk!!! (pray for me y'all 🩷🩷)

FINALLY GOT EM AFTER A WEEK OF SEARCHING!!! 😭😭

I WANT HARRY POTTER KINDERJOY

Goddess of Rot

Day 3/271 days until finishing my A-level resit

Pretty chill day today, met up with some friends tonight and was totally fascinated by some flowers they had in their living room :D

Did some essay plans for the evaluation of the cognitive perspective

Edited a 15 mark essay for my tutor next week

FINALLY finished off my Observational Methods Research essay!

I’m looking at trying some more study resources/methods. I’m currently using Quizlet and Notion a lot but I’d love some recommendations of other interesting resources!

Snack of the day ~ left over mac and cheese

Hello, this is a longshot saving life call, I am Vivian from Gaza. I am here to request for your support to help get my insulin, just an injection for today to save my life please I beg. I was diagnosed with Latent Autoimmune Diabetes and due to the current situation in Gaza I'm unable to get my insulin injection as a result I'm here begging for little financial support to help me purchase insulin for this week. My donation link is attached in the pinned post, I might have sent this ask to you earlier but kindly consider donating and sharing. This is the only option I have at the moment to save my life from going into a coma.

🙏🙏🙏🙏

Day 4/271 days until finishing my A-level resit

Suuuuuper productive day today! Caught up on all the work I’d missed at certain points in the past 2 weeks.

Finished all my work for tutoring next week

Completed my revision on the cognitive perspective

Finally perfected some knowledge on Moray (1959)

Even had time to meet up with a friend group before they head off to uni next week! Had some lovely vegetarian curry that my friend made me and found some conkers :)

Snack of the day ~ falafels and hummus