There Is A Single Person On The Face Of This Earth Who Would Understand My Pain, But Yet They Caused

i might be doing really terrible on the emotional regulation front but in my defense ive had a gaping hole in my chest since i was 12

sometimes trauma processing is weird and you have to write about some ancient old man, but whatever works i guess

notes app ramblings

very close to giving up. i feel like i need to go back to the damn ward. i hate that this is my life, and that none of it gets to be easy.

i am tired.

god i just feel so fucking empty. i wish i could just like actually be able to make friends so i don’t have to be alone all the time?? but making friends as an adult is stupidly hard.

tbh i should just go back to being a fanfic writer, i had so many online friends back then it was crazy lol

i say this shit and literally a day later am doing not very well at all. god i hate the constant shifts and mood swings

it’s 5am and i’m listening to the birds chirping, i hear my breath, and the soft indie music that always is coming from my phone. i note that there is pink in the sunrise this morning and that i do not dread the day ahead of me like i have for my entire life.

the work is noticeable sometimes, proper therapy and medication pays off.

missing you michael, and the girl i think i’ll call sachiel.. hoping that a code name that is two layers deep won’t tip anyone off loll

i just want to be pretty. i want to be good and sweet. i hate being this way. i hate myself. i hate the world for turning me into this monster. i hate it all.

i know it sounds stupid but praying in the quiet hours of the morning will always be one of my favorite things.

(god i never thought i would say that lol, but here we are,, life is weird but my gods are good and that is all that matters)