More Blackout Poetry

The whole, "K*lling urself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" bullshit is spouted by the ignorant lucky ones who have only had temporary problems. Some people's problems are permanent so maybe try offering actual help and support to them rather than regurgitating an overused phrase that means nothing to people with real struggles.

literally just want to die so for once my brain could SHUT THE FUCK UP

feeling like diane from bojack horseman when she got medicated and lost her ability to write the gritty shit.

just talk to me. for once. i just want to know what you’re thinking one last time.

sometimes i wonder if michael stalks this account, he has no idea it exists, but i still get nervous to reveal specific details about him anyways.

i saw a girl on my fyp swinging a lightsaber and flashes of the night at the football field flooded my mind. Which reminded me of all the stars we could see that night, making me think about the backyard picnic- and how the summer night breeze rushed through my hair as i ran and ran and ran while you chased me all across the field. the way you would grab me and haul me over your shoulder as you dragged me back to the blanket giggling all the way. I thought about all the ice cream, and the parking lots, the 3am paragraphs, and the endless destination-less car rides.

the way we didn’t talk for years and you still remembered how to get to my house by heart.

i miss you. i cant yell it any louder. i miss you michael. but you left and i need to move on. but how am i supposed to stop grieving the man that i wrote about in my notes app- the one i said i was sure i knew in some past life somewhere. the guy i was sure saw me.

i’m sorry my disease riddled mind made me too difficult to deal with. i wish i could have been better for you, i really do.

the urge to bleed out on the bathroom floor while music plays in the background

what if i like, just started manifesting that he came back? :D

(yes this is about who we all think this is about lmfao, im pathetic and need to speak to my therapist)

Lady Euphrosyne Devotional Post

Charity Euphrosyne

embodiment of joy,

true divine happiness,

radiant positivity,

You- who is the one i desperately aspire to be

beauty driven of only good will,

the eternal light.

Lady Euphrosyne I devote myself wholeheartedly to working towards my goal of positivity. May every workbook entry i have written/will write, every affirmation i read, and every kind act i commit be a testament to my will. I ask that you bless me on this journey and may guide me to become more like yourself in any way possible.

Blessed be, Kind Lady Euphrosyne.

i just wish to be perceived as gentle and kind. that’s it, that is truly all i want.

it hurts to know this will never be.

feeling lots of feelings this morning. been running as fast as possible away from them through stupid literature and escapist fantasies. i miss the people i used to have. idk why they all left after i became a better person. why like me back when i was cruel and mean?

it doesn’t make sense. my life doesn’t make sense. it never does and it’s so fucking frustrating.