I’m Splitting On You So Hard My Sebastian Wilder It’s Not Even Funny

i think my tumblr is scientific evidence for bpd mood swings

this.

I really thought I was on a good way to finally be okay, to be better as a person and mentally. But I haven't changed, I never will. This sickness has left my brain absolutely rotten, making me ruin every good thing I have.

I feel so helpless and cannot keep living like this. I know I'm the problem. I'm the sickness. I'm no good. Everyone has left for the same reason.

no because this disorder SUCKS ASS. i read a heartbreaking fanfic and now i’m so fucking sad i want to die so i can stop feeling so fuxking SAD

that writer deserves everything they have ever wanted in life, that was the most beautiful piece of literature i’ve read in a while holy fuck

the things I hate most in this world are myself and the fact that I’m still alive.

venting and oversharing to the void for a sec:

i try my hardest to be like “yay healing!!” but idk trauma work is hard. fanfic and fandom culture got me through the worst of the worst moments of my life. it’s alarming, because this past year i somewhat now have a life that isn’t unbearable to be present in. but today i find my brain needing to be anywhere but in the real world.

i’m 16 again, filling my head with fluffy stories where i’m not this deeply traumatized girl and things all turn out perfectly. being 16 does not feel good.

it’s 5am and i’m listening to the birds chirping, i hear my breath, and the soft indie music that always is coming from my phone. i note that there is pink in the sunrise this morning and that i do not dread the day ahead of me like i have for my entire life.

the work is noticeable sometimes, proper therapy and medication pays off.

a loud playlist to rival the noise in my head

everything about me is dark, but when i color- i always do it in rainbow. maybe there’s light in me somewhere.

Suddenly (M.C.) annotation