People Think Steve Doesn’t Like Mike Because Mike Is Mean To Him But That’s Not True. Steve Loves

You’re half convinced it’s a hallucination, the monster with too many eyes and blue fur standing over you. It doesn’t stop shaking your arm though, insisting you run, telling you to get up and get out. Warning you of danger.

You stumble out of bed, pyjamas crumpled and eyes still heavy with sleep before hacking coughs bring you to the ground. Your lungs burn as you try to gasp in air on your hands and knees, one hand tangling in the nearest thing keeping you stable. When your eyes fill with water and the coughing subsided, the monster is staring at you. Its claws are extended but at a distance, close enough to hold onto, far enough away to not frighten you. It’s scared.

The hand curled in its soft fur is dark with ash. The weight in your throat is smoke. Your nose tingles. Light flickers from behind the entrance of your bedroom door. Monster has noticed it too.

You get out safely that night. Your parents too, and your siblings. The firefighters told you how lucky you were, waking up in time to get everyone to safety. They said other things too, but you weren’t paying attention. You watched the house go up in flames, and a monster that can’t leave its home under the bed wave from what used to be your bedroom window.

Now in your mid teens, you forgot all about the monster under your bed. One night though, it wakes you up saying “You’re not safe. You need to get out of here”

Batfamily and their Types

At first, it’s just Jason laughing at Dick for having a thing for redheads. Conversation turns real quick when Tim says ‘Oh yeah and that thing you’ve got with Roy is casual?’ Jason is flabbergasted. Dick nearly chokes on his cereal laughing.

Tim and Damian poke fun at their older brothers for sharing a type, making snarky remarks on comms and tossing chips at the couples whenever they meet up on patrol (from a safe distance). When Bart dyes Wally’s shampoo as a joke, causing him to go blond for a week, Tim tearfully begs him to reverse it in front of the entire JL, bawling about how Bart will break up the happy couple. Damian pats Red Robin on the back and explains to the assembled heroes it is because Wally is no longer a redhead. Dick has to do damage control for a very confused Wally that might, and replaces all of Tim’s coffee with decaf for the next two weeks and put glitter on Damian’s Robin uniform. They both agree it’s worth it.

This is until one fateful night. Tim is relaxing with Kon in the manor, watching Steph and Jason engage in a deadly round of Mario Kart (it’s banned and they have to finish before Alfred finds them) when Damian and Jonathan walk in. Kon and Jonathan leave to head back to Metropolis together, and Damian’s a little red and smiling. Jason (without looking up from the game): Ooooo, someone had fun.

Damian: Tt. It was just ice cream. (He cannot look anyone in the eyes, still fighting his smile.)

Steph: Ice cream, huh? Weird, you’re making the same face Tim did when he got a crush on…

A moment of realisation. Tim and Damian whip round to face each other.

Jason: Oh my god.

Tim: No.

Jason: Oh my GOD.

Damian: Silence Todd, it is nothing.

Jason: OH MY GOD. DICKHEAD!

Jason runs out the room as Tim and Damian bolt after him, attempting to disrupt this madness before it reaches its conclusion. They are too late.

Across the manor, Steph can hear Dick’s voice shriek: ‘BOTH THEIR TYPE IS WHAT??’ More yelling follows.

When Cass starts dating Steph, they all think she’s bucked the trend. Duke starts dating Izzy, and everyone calms down more. Pattern broken, right? Izzy still leads and takes part in ‘We Are Robin’ when needed, but has far less caped crusades since Batman returned.

It’s Izzy’s involvement in the youth group that leads to the next realisation. The Batfam have finished a tough patrol after a rough attack on Gotham, several rogues uniting to cause more chaos than average, resulting in several fires and buildings destroyed. We Are Robin members are on the scene as emergency relief and volunteers, handing out water, helping organise the injured, making lists of those still missing to coordinate with emergency services and reuniting people lost in the chaos. Izzy goes up to the Batfamily members in attendance, gathered nearby and all taking a breather, Bruce, Tim, Damian, Cass, Steph and Duke all out as dawn breaks. She checks whether they need any assistance or help, passing out food from a Batburgers that survived the trouble, and chats with Duke for a while.

Tim spits out his iced coffee in shock as he gasps, looking between Duke and Izzy staring at him and Cass and Steph eating peacefully.

Tim: Your type is fucking Robins!

roy calls jason his wife because jason is a clean freak and their shared living spaces WILL be clean on god. jason keeps threatening to become a widow if roy doesn’t stop calling him that. and then also i think roy absentmindedly holds jason's waist sometimes. is this anything

Daycare

It’s not just Batman. All of Gotham hates magicians. Because they pull shit like this.

Some out-of-towner decides the best way to keep the Bats distracted while they kick up trouble would be to turn the family into children, thereby making them harmless without the associated alarms if they were to disappear.

Unfortunately, they’re not very good at this.

Alfred is greeted at the Batcave by the normal Batfamily, plus their pint-sized doubles. Every single person is struggling to handle their younger version.

Dick is frantically trying to keep an eye on the most adventurous nine year old. Jason is freaking out trying to responsible parent his eight year old self who’s screaming his head off about stranger danger. Tim and his eight year old double have not broken eye contact, and Tim is refusing to touch ‘it’ except with a bow staff. Steph is bribing hers with ice cream to keep her quiet and to stop her from attacking the other children again. Cass is attached to hers by child reins. Duke’s mini has already tried to escape explore three times and is over Duke’s shoulder to prevent any further attempts. Damian (in his mid teens) is trying to get his toddler self to stop grabbing everything, and failing.

Bruce had called Zatanna, but she’s on a JL mission at the moment. It’s going to be a long week.

actually no, we're not "dating". we're bound together for infinity. like the stars. so, fuck you, actually.

Dick waking up at 3 a.m. to a phone ringing loudly. The only night off he takes from Nightwing. He couldn't be grumpier.

Dick: What do you want? Money? A check? My soul?

The other end of the line was silent for a few seconds.

Tim: Hiiii to my favorite older brother

Dick: Dfq did you do?

Tim: Ey it's not only me!

Jason: Hi dickie!

Dick remained silent, as he assimilated everything and fought against sleep.

Dick: where do I have to go to look for you?

1 hour later Dick is at the Gotham police station, taking his brothers out while scolding them like never before (mostly for wake him up).

Bruce, high on pain meds: i need to- you all have to listen. you deserve to know. You’re all old enough now.

Dick: this is gonna be good

Tim, grinning: what do we need to know?

Bruce: one of you is adopted,

The kids:

Bruce, tearing up: and im SO sorry, but i just- i can’t remember who-!

Jason, gleefully: I’LL REMIND YOU- *mouth covered by Dick*

Bruce: *sobs and then passes out*

The kids:

Jason, shoving Dick off him: GET- off me! wake him up we have to tell him it’s Damian

Damian: ME!?

Jason, looking for somebody else to fuck with now Bruce is down: you look the least like him- I mean come on, those twig arms,

Jason, pointing at a passed out Bruce: you are NOT the father.

Steph: *chokes on a wheeze*

Damian, incredulous: are you- DUKES BLACK

Duke: what and you’re white? don’t fucking start this shit kid

Damian, drawing his katana: i will not have my inheritence questioned like this-

Duke, warningly: *starts glowing*

Jason: *starts filming*

Dick: oh god… Bruce is gonna wake up to Damian in the hospital. what are we gonna tell him?

Tim, eating popcorn: i dunno about you but i’m gonna tell him he got high and started a race war to see how much he panics.

in the background, Duke: *shoots Damian into the side of the wall*

Damian: *leaps back with a war cry*

Jason, looking at his phone: oh you think telling him is gonna make him panic? i’m saying it on twitter and letting him find out through WE getting boycotted

Dick:

Dick: arguably worse than trying to make him kill the joker but ok

Tim: now hold up man i work there too-

Steve Harrington showing up to Hellfire made sense.

He knew the kids. After The Incident of which they Do Not Speak Of, he knew Eddie. There was a friendship there that was pulling him into Hellfire’s orbit, and the elder members followed their leader's cues when it came to jocks who had decided to redeem themselves and evolve into beloved town hall heroes. 

Showing up to Corroded Coffin’s recently restarted band practice required a bit more adjusting, but it was fine. 

Everything was fine.

Steve showing up in the middle of a heated, completely nonsensical argument with Eddie, was also, unfortunately, growing to be something normal and fine--but arguing over Jeff specifically?

That was a little harder to ignore. 

“That’s my Robin.”  Eddie had started, pointing sternly towards Jeff as he marched up Gareth’s driveway. 

Steve rolled his eyes. 

“You already claimed Gareth as your Robin, you can't also claim Jeff.”

Yes I can! Because I have two--no, no, three!” Eddie counted on waiving fingers, “I have three Robin's, Grant’s one too!

Jeff blinked, before turning to his other bandmates. “Any idea about what this is about or…”

Nope.” Gareth refused to even look at the duo arguing. “And I don't want to know.”

“Okay then.” 

“They each have different specialties,” Eddie was animatedly arguing, having stopped in the center of the garage to square up to Steve. “So combined they make up one Robin.” 

“That's not how that works!” Steve loudly scoffed, arms winging out in a way that disturbingly, looked like a move he had copied from Eddie. 

He got a smirk in return. “Don't  be mad because I'm more popular than you are these days, Steven.” 

Oh now they were approaching dangerous territory-- Eddie was getting smug.

A smug Eddie, Jeff knew, was an obnoxious Eddie. The kind of obnoxious that refused to let things go and claimed victory over random bullshit. The type of obnoxious that would take weeks to kill, with them all suffering through Eddie’s crowing in the meantime.

Given the look on Steve’s face, he knew it too.

There was only one way to prevent the monster known as Smug Eddie, and that was to cut him at the knees before he properly got started. 

Something no member of Hellfire had ever before managed to accomplish--on purpose.

Steve, Jeff thought, was not a member of Hellfire. 

With a sudden and distrustworthy narrowing of his eyes, the ex-jock asked. “Didn't you say Jeff bakes?”

“No--” Eddie spat instantly but it was too late, Steve was already turning and--oh God, trying to pull Jeff into this shit. 

“Yes--hey Jeff, man, do you bake?”

“Uh…”

Grant looked between Steve, Eddie and Jeff, before taking one giant step to the right of them all.

The traitor. 

“Don't answer that!” Eddie commanded, stalking around to put himself between Jeff and Steve. “Do not answer that!” 

“I--yeah?” Jeff answered anyway, confused to hell but choosing to trust Steve on this one.   

Unfortunately for Corroded Coffin as a whole, and Jeff specifically, what they were missing was the fact that Steve could be a downright petty bitch. 

“What’s the hardest thing you can reliably bake?” 

It took a moment for Jeff to realize Steve was still talking to him, given his eyes were locked onto Eddie’s. 

“I like doing those kind complicated swirls with frosting sometimes?” Realizing how that sounded he quickly added; “To make cool patterns and shit!”

Steve nodded once, before boldly declaring: “I'm taking Jeff.” 

Eddie sputtered. 

“No you are not--” 

“That way,” Steve said, steamrolling right over, “you have two and I have two.”  

“Were not sharing cookies here, Steve!” 

“I know,” Steve retorted and oh God, now he sounded smug, “because Jeff and I haven't baked them yet.

“No--no! Jeff, Jeffery look at me.” The older teen whirled around to face Jeff, face serious. “You are forbidden to bake with this heathen.” 

“Wow, controlling much?” Steve drawled, moving fluidly around to stand shoulder to shoulder with Eddie, facing Jeff. With a weighty sincerity, he said, “I would never tell you what to do.”

“Yes he would! Yes He absolutely would! 

“What the fuck.” Jeff muttered, as they both continued to stare at him while maintaining their argument with each other. 

“You made eye contact, this is on you.” Grant told him. 

20 minutes later and Jeff would finally announce he was not going to do anything with anyone until after band practice. 

20 hours later, Steve would invite himself into Jeff’s house with a bag full of baking ingredients and a look in his eye that terrified Jeff more than Jason ever had. 

2 days later, Eddie would loudly declare Jeff’s status as a traitor, only to renounce it five seconds later after Gareth shoved one of the cookies they baked in his mouth mid rant. Only then would he agree that Steve could have Jeff as “his second Robin.” 

Unfortunately, he did this in front of the real Robin, who, as it turns out, can give one hell of a rant. 

(Later, Jeff, Grant and Gareth would loudly declare Robin their Queen and expert in all things Steve and Eddie, going so far as to present her with a Burger King crown to seal the deal. 

She would proudly wear it, despite all the bitching it caused from Steve and Eddie.) 

i love these normal teens

I'm actually happy with how this turned out hehe