"Can You Build Me Hands?" The Robot Said.

Jason: “I’m NOTHING like Bruce, okay? We’re not even that similar. That’s all in your head.”

Dick, perched on Jason’s couch watching him gear up, sipping a Batburger shake: “so you’re NOT about to go deal with your emotions by going out on patrol and beating people up?”

Jason: *sets down the brass knuckles he was just holding* *stares off into the distance*

Jason: “These are just…for my — look, I don’t like your fucking tone, Richard.”

aromanticism is everywhere if you're brave enough to see it

Robin is freaking out about how she hasn’t had her first kiss yet and Steve’s like, “Hey, I’ll help you.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and he rolls his eyes, “Not with me, obviously. I will find you someone.”

This leads to a whole month where they’ll go to a party/bar/club and Steve will bring over a random man and just leave him there.

Robin is just ?????????

She feels like she’s reading this wrong because to her, it seems like Steve is implying that she should make out with these objectively good looking guy and - and - finally she explodes, “Do you know what a lesbian is?”

“Yeah?”

“Okay, then why do you keep bringing guys over to me??!!”

Steve gives her a baffled look, says like it’s obvious, “So you can have your first kiss.”

“Why?” She asks through the insanity. “Would. I. Want. To. Do. That?????! I’m. A. Lesbian.”

“…oh, Robs,” Steve says like he gets it but proves that he really doesn’t when he adds, “A first kiss feels like it’s really important but it’s not. So you just do it with anyone to get it over with.”

“I’m a lesbian.”

“So?? My first kiss was with Tommy,” Steve shrugs. “Why would you want your first kiss to be with someone you like? The first kiss is always bad.”

Robin just stares at that revelation and then looks at the clock. It’s getting late but they can be tired for work tomorrow. This is a conversation she needs to have now.”

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

Batman: Remember, we’re on Justice League business. Be on your best behavior

Robin!Dick: Watch yourselves, everyone! Batman: This applies mostly to you

Robin!Dick: Oh- You bite ONE guy and suddenly no one trusts you! Batman: You bit his finger off.

Robin!Dick: I SPIT IT BACK OUT-

Justice League: *stare in concerned silence*

Another picture of the BAT-family!!! Bruce will make them all fit under his wings if it’s the last thing he does.

I can't unsee this

The biggest confidence boost is knowing that even my shittiest fanfic will be 10,000% better than any AI generated bullshit

Another reason why I’m a firm believer in letting Bruce get old is because the idea of him looking and his dark haired children without his glasses on and genuinely not being able to tell them apart is unparalleled

Batfamily and their Types

At first, it’s just Jason laughing at Dick for having a thing for redheads. Conversation turns real quick when Tim says ‘Oh yeah and that thing you’ve got with Roy is casual?’ Jason is flabbergasted. Dick nearly chokes on his cereal laughing.

Tim and Damian poke fun at their older brothers for sharing a type, making snarky remarks on comms and tossing chips at the couples whenever they meet up on patrol (from a safe distance). When Bart dyes Wally’s shampoo as a joke, causing him to go blond for a week, Tim tearfully begs him to reverse it in front of the entire JL, bawling about how Bart will break up the happy couple. Damian pats Red Robin on the back and explains to the assembled heroes it is because Wally is no longer a redhead. Dick has to do damage control for a very confused Wally that might, and replaces all of Tim’s coffee with decaf for the next two weeks and put glitter on Damian’s Robin uniform. They both agree it’s worth it.

This is until one fateful night. Tim is relaxing with Kon in the manor, watching Steph and Jason engage in a deadly round of Mario Kart (it’s banned and they have to finish before Alfred finds them) when Damian and Jonathan walk in. Kon and Jonathan leave to head back to Metropolis together, and Damian’s a little red and smiling. Jason (without looking up from the game): Ooooo, someone had fun.

Damian: Tt. It was just ice cream. (He cannot look anyone in the eyes, still fighting his smile.)

Steph: Ice cream, huh? Weird, you’re making the same face Tim did when he got a crush on…

A moment of realisation. Tim and Damian whip round to face each other.

Jason: Oh my god.

Tim: No.

Jason: Oh my GOD.

Damian: Silence Todd, it is nothing.

Jason: OH MY GOD. DICKHEAD!

Jason runs out the room as Tim and Damian bolt after him, attempting to disrupt this madness before it reaches its conclusion. They are too late.

Across the manor, Steph can hear Dick’s voice shriek: ‘BOTH THEIR TYPE IS WHAT??’ More yelling follows.

When Cass starts dating Steph, they all think she’s bucked the trend. Duke starts dating Izzy, and everyone calms down more. Pattern broken, right? Izzy still leads and takes part in ‘We Are Robin’ when needed, but has far less caped crusades since Batman returned.

It’s Izzy’s involvement in the youth group that leads to the next realisation. The Batfam have finished a tough patrol after a rough attack on Gotham, several rogues uniting to cause more chaos than average, resulting in several fires and buildings destroyed. We Are Robin members are on the scene as emergency relief and volunteers, handing out water, helping organise the injured, making lists of those still missing to coordinate with emergency services and reuniting people lost in the chaos. Izzy goes up to the Batfamily members in attendance, gathered nearby and all taking a breather, Bruce, Tim, Damian, Cass, Steph and Duke all out as dawn breaks. She checks whether they need any assistance or help, passing out food from a Batburgers that survived the trouble, and chats with Duke for a while.

Tim spits out his iced coffee in shock as he gasps, looking between Duke and Izzy staring at him and Cass and Steph eating peacefully.

Tim: Your type is fucking Robins!