Latest Posts by rocketshipinspace024 - Page 4
I love the “Steve has good parents, they’re just not on camera.”
Steve’s dad walks in on Eddie and Steve making out, both shirtless. Eddie freaks the fuck out and Steve just sheepishly smiles at his father.
“I know I told you not to lock your door, but I take that back because I don’t want to see that again.”
“Thanks Dad!”
“Use protection!”
…
He walks into a house full of random children. The kids and Steve’s dad are just staring at each other.
“You’re paying to feed these kids, right?”
“No, you are.”
“Well shit.”
“Language, there are children!”
“Do I get to know these children who I have financially adopted?”
…
Hopper, who is over at the Harrington house to speak to Steve. Mr Harrington walks in to see the chief of police sitting on his couch. He sees Steve in the kitchen and quickly makes his way over.
“Steve! What is the chief of police doing here?”
“He’s a family friend.”
“What family?” Mr Harrington snaps back, gesturing at himself.
“He’s my friend?”
“I don’t see a world where you randomly become friends with the chief of police”
“I got caught with drugs?”
“Then why isn’t he arresting you?” Mr Harrington points to Steve’s cuff-less wrists.
“Can’t tell you?”
“Why?”
“I signed an NDA?”
“Steve, why the fuck would you do that? I’m a lawyer, you don’t just sign NDAs at a whim.”
“To be completely fair, I was concussed every time or they used a friend to threaten me.”
“It shouldn’t stand up in court then. Who did you sign it for?”
“The US government.”
“Fuck.”
fic where steve already knows he's bi but robin keeps trying to tell him. steve's known he's had a crush on eddie for months at this point but today just happens to be the day where eddie walks in during a slow shift at family video and robin looks up at the perfect moment to catch steve's soft, dopey smile.
and in that moment, robin connects the dots. the music in steve's car being just love songs on loop. steve walking into work in a lovesick haze. steve going out of his way to work his schedule so he could always be the one to pick the kids up from hellfire.
oh.
oh.
eddie ducks into the horror section, and robin throws her full body weight towards steve, who yelps not unlike a stray cat.
"you like eddie," robin hisses.
"yeah, no shit!" steve reaches for the collar of his polo like he's clutching imaginary pearls. "jesus christ, robin, what the fuck."
ignoring him, robin continues. "no, steve," she says, soft look on her face, "you like like him."
steve frowns, nodding slowly. "i-i know that, robin. we're not in third grade anymore, you can say 'crush', it's not going to give you cooties," he says, frown falling to reveal a teasing look.
"wait, what?"
"robin, did you...?"
they stare at each other intensely for what could perhaps be aeons.
"YOU NEVER TOLD ME-"
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU-"
big fan of steve calling eddie out for his high school bullshit. all that ranting and raving about forced conformity just to hate all jocks? like, steve, who tries his actual hardest to be better than he was in high school, is going to throw hands if eddie says one more thing that reinforces the dumb jock stereotype in the kids' minds.
like i just imagine eddie stopping someone from joining hellfire because they were on the basketball team or tripping someone in the hallways because they were wearing their letterman.
i need steve to take eddie by the shoulders and tell him that yes, eddie was bullied in high school, but he was also a bully and i think that eddie's prejudice is a topic we need to look more into. like, i have no doubt that eddie would make sure steve knows that he's not dumb, but i need wayne to be watching sports on tv which causes eddie to be like, "I can't believe you watch that shit. just a bunch of dumb jocks tossing balls into laundry baskets." and instead of just leaving, i need to see steve go, hey man, not fucking cool? like let people have their interests.
every time steve calls eddie out in a fic i go nuts for it. do i think that steve would have more emotional responses to some things? absolutely. do i also think that king steve, bitchy steve, would put eddie in his place? yes, yes i do. that is a hill i would die on.
Steve Harrington showing up to Hellfire made sense.
He knew the kids. After The Incident of which they Do Not Speak Of, he knew Eddie. There was a friendship there that was pulling him into Hellfire’s orbit, and the elder members followed their leader's cues when it came to jocks who had decided to redeem themselves and evolve into beloved town hall heroes.
Showing up to Corroded Coffin’s recently restarted band practice required a bit more adjusting, but it was fine.
Everything was fine.
Steve showing up in the middle of a heated, completely nonsensical argument with Eddie, was also, unfortunately, growing to be something normal and fine--but arguing over Jeff specifically?
That was a little harder to ignore.
“That’s my Robin.” Eddie had started, pointing sternly towards Jeff as he marched up Gareth’s driveway.
Steve rolled his eyes.
“You already claimed Gareth as your Robin, you can't also claim Jeff.”
Yes I can! Because I have two--no, no, three!” Eddie counted on waiving fingers, “I have three Robin's, Grant’s one too!
Jeff blinked, before turning to his other bandmates. “Any idea about what this is about or…”
Nope.” Gareth refused to even look at the duo arguing. “And I don't want to know.”
“Okay then.”
“They each have different specialties,” Eddie was animatedly arguing, having stopped in the center of the garage to square up to Steve. “So combined they make up one Robin.”
“That's not how that works!” Steve loudly scoffed, arms winging out in a way that disturbingly, looked like a move he had copied from Eddie.
He got a smirk in return. “Don't be mad because I'm more popular than you are these days, Steven.”
Oh now they were approaching dangerous territory-- Eddie was getting smug.
A smug Eddie, Jeff knew, was an obnoxious Eddie. The kind of obnoxious that refused to let things go and claimed victory over random bullshit. The type of obnoxious that would take weeks to kill, with them all suffering through Eddie’s crowing in the meantime.
Given the look on Steve’s face, he knew it too.
There was only one way to prevent the monster known as Smug Eddie, and that was to cut him at the knees before he properly got started.
Something no member of Hellfire had ever before managed to accomplish--on purpose.
Steve, Jeff thought, was not a member of Hellfire.
With a sudden and distrustworthy narrowing of his eyes, the ex-jock asked. “Didn't you say Jeff bakes?”
“No--” Eddie spat instantly but it was too late, Steve was already turning and--oh God, trying to pull Jeff into this shit.
“Yes--hey Jeff, man, do you bake?”
“Uh…”
Grant looked between Steve, Eddie and Jeff, before taking one giant step to the right of them all.
The traitor.
“Don't answer that!” Eddie commanded, stalking around to put himself between Jeff and Steve. “Do not answer that!”
“I--yeah?” Jeff answered anyway, confused to hell but choosing to trust Steve on this one.
Unfortunately for Corroded Coffin as a whole, and Jeff specifically, what they were missing was the fact that Steve could be a downright petty bitch.
“What’s the hardest thing you can reliably bake?”
It took a moment for Jeff to realize Steve was still talking to him, given his eyes were locked onto Eddie’s.
“I like doing those kind complicated swirls with frosting sometimes?” Realizing how that sounded he quickly added; “To make cool patterns and shit!”
Steve nodded once, before boldly declaring: “I'm taking Jeff.”
Eddie sputtered.
“No you are not--”
“That way,” Steve said, steamrolling right over, “you have two and I have two.”
“Were not sharing cookies here, Steve!”
“I know,” Steve retorted and oh God, now he sounded smug, “because Jeff and I haven't baked them yet.
“No--no! Jeff, Jeffery look at me.” The older teen whirled around to face Jeff, face serious. “You are forbidden to bake with this heathen.”
“Wow, controlling much?” Steve drawled, moving fluidly around to stand shoulder to shoulder with Eddie, facing Jeff. With a weighty sincerity, he said, “I would never tell you what to do.”
“Yes he would! Yes He absolutely would!
“What the fuck.” Jeff muttered, as they both continued to stare at him while maintaining their argument with each other.
“You made eye contact, this is on you.” Grant told him.
20 minutes later and Jeff would finally announce he was not going to do anything with anyone until after band practice.
20 hours later, Steve would invite himself into Jeff’s house with a bag full of baking ingredients and a look in his eye that terrified Jeff more than Jason ever had.
2 days later, Eddie would loudly declare Jeff’s status as a traitor, only to renounce it five seconds later after Gareth shoved one of the cookies they baked in his mouth mid rant. Only then would he agree that Steve could have Jeff as “his second Robin.”
Unfortunately, he did this in front of the real Robin, who, as it turns out, can give one hell of a rant.
(Later, Jeff, Grant and Gareth would loudly declare Robin their Queen and expert in all things Steve and Eddie, going so far as to present her with a Burger King crown to seal the deal.
She would proudly wear it, despite all the bitching it caused from Steve and Eddie.)
Robin is freaking out about how she hasn’t had her first kiss yet and Steve’s like, “Hey, I’ll help you.”
She raised an eyebrow at him and he rolls his eyes, “Not with me, obviously. I will find you someone.”
This leads to a whole month where they’ll go to a party/bar/club and Steve will bring over a random man and just leave him there.
Robin is just ?????????
She feels like she’s reading this wrong because to her, it seems like Steve is implying that she should make out with these objectively good looking guy and - and - finally she explodes, “Do you know what a lesbian is?”
“Yeah?”
“Okay, then why do you keep bringing guys over to me??!!”
Steve gives her a baffled look, says like it’s obvious, “So you can have your first kiss.”
“Why?” She asks through the insanity. “Would. I. Want. To. Do. That?????! I’m. A. Lesbian.”
“…oh, Robs,” Steve says like he gets it but proves that he really doesn’t when he adds, “A first kiss feels like it’s really important but it’s not. So you just do it with anyone to get it over with.”
“I’m a lesbian.”
“So?? My first kiss was with Tommy,” Steve shrugs. “Why would you want your first kiss to be with someone you like? The first kiss is always bad.”
Robin just stares at that revelation and then looks at the clock. It’s getting late but they can be tired for work tomorrow. This is a conversation she needs to have now.”
Part 3 to this
Eddie was completely willing to let bygones be what they were.
He did a shitty thing unintentionally. Steve has been doing shitty things for years with zero consequences. They’re even, right?
It’s not like he’s ever going to see Steve again anyways. He doesn’t throw parties anymore and Eddie doesn’t even have a VCR to warrant going into Family Videos.
So, bygones. As in, bye, gone to the stabbing feeling in his chest when he thinks about what happened for too long.
“Robin Buckley’s being weird.”
Eddie blinks back into the chaotic mess of the art room, “Isn’t she always weird?”
“I mean,” Jeff shrugs. “She been glaring at you the entire class. Did the same thing yesterday, too. I don’t even think she’s blinking.”
Eddie looked over his canvas and, yeah. She’s glaring at him. He turns his frown upside down and gives her a little wave which - “Oh. Oh no.”
“Dude,” Jeff hisses. “She’s coming over here.”
The nervous energy that typically hovers around a Robin is strangely absent when she stops next to his table. It’s a little intimidating. As is her cryptic ass greeting, “It’s been four days. You need to apologize.”
“For what?” He asks and then realizes what this is. “Did Steve Harrington really send his coworker to bully me?”
“I’m more than his coworker,” She scoffs. “And that’s not the point. You need to apologize to him. For-.”
“Apologize for what, not watering my club down to make him comfortable?”
Thats not what happened and Eddie knows it. He knows he crossed a line but he doesn’t understand it and it makes him defensive. He can’t make himself shut up, “You can tell him I’m sorry he can’t take a joke.”
Robin’s eyes narrow and then she turns around, calling across the room, “Mrs Keller, does this paint stain?”
“It’s washable.”
Robin nods once to the teacher and then immediately turns around and flips Eddie’s paint tray into his lap. She grabs the bottle of paint he was using and coats him in blue paint before dropping the bottle on the floor.
Her voice is low and unapologetic even as she grabs a handful of napkins for him, “He doesn’t even want an apology. Do it anyways.”
Eddie is left stunned, as is their deathly quiet class, but Robin just turns to the teacher and declares, “I will accept my detention now.”
Tim who is scarily good at the Hitman games.
Everyone is good with it mostly, excluding Cass who won’t play it, with everyone having completed the first few missions at least during a training exercise made by Jason who was hiding an injury and came up with the idea on the spot.
This is how they find out that not only does Tim already have all the games, he’s finished them all, got all the achievements and has over 2,000+ hours.
Turns out it’s what he plays when he feels his mind is running too rampant and needs reigning in. He knows all the secrets and has a spreadsheet made up of all the ways you can complete a mission per chapter. He has a strategy for each type of assassination from getting someone else to do it, killing everyone, making it look like an accident, ect. He’s even managed to kill every soldier in some chapters without getting caught and somehow managed to save Diana from being shot by 47?
It’s kind of scary watching him seamlessly navigate around any new map that comes out and complete all missions under a self imposed time limit.
(His record is 1 minute and 27 seconds)
Bruce is naturally worried and it isn’t helped when the response to these concerns is, “would you rather I do it in real life?”
Tim can do it in real life, came closest with Captain Boomerang, and he has at least thirty ideas of how to kill everyone in his life subconsciously. He doesn’t want to, nor will he ever act on it, but it’s sort of… fun.
It’s like puzzle solving but with higher stakes and Hitman is a good way to test his theories without actually killing anyone.
If playing Hitman made him test how sneakily he could drug people by putting sugar in peoples drinks at Galas when he was nine, that’s just childish curiosity. Plus, it made him put out a campaign when he was older to prevent drugging because he himself knows how easy it is, so win win.
At least he didn’t shave his head like he thought about, though that was only because a certain acrobat did it and made Tim realise how unstylish it was if it wasn’t natural.
At the end of the day playing Hitman made him a better Robin and helped him sneak around the League of Assassin’s base that was filled with people even 47 would struggle against.
And he won the training exercise.
do you guys think considering the relatively small age gap between Damian and Tim (depending on the author) that they would have been in school together? because coming from a youngest sibling who went to school with older siblings, that would be really interesting to look into.
i’m imagining Tim getting pulled out of class because Damian’s thrown a tantrum and refuses to listen to any of the teachers and they need his brother to convince him to calm down, and it actually working because Tim is the only person Damian is familiar with and so will ever listen to. Damian having no interest in making friends with civilians so he ends up sat on the end of Tim’s lunch table while Tim eats with his friends. Tim getting bullies in Damian’s class to back off, and Damian scuffing his foot on the tiles of the school halls as he waits for Tim to get out of detention so they can walk home together like usual.
considering how strained their relationship was when Damian first arrived in Gotham, putting him in an environment five days a week where suddenly Tim is his only true familiar ally and he has no choice but to accept being on friendlier terms would be really fucking interesting. suddenly Tim is his protector, and although he refuses to let that effect their home dynamic, he does have to accept that at school at least, he needs Tim to be his older brother.
Some more Billy Batson as a normal Justice League member as a kid HCs, mostly school related stuff hehe.
Billy frequently gets assigned Watchtower duties. And by that, I mean routing calls, managing the space station, and being the alarm in case things go wrong. This means a lot of being alone in space in a mostly empty floating hunk of metal doing nothing but telling heros they have backup coming or redirecting them to Batman because their problem is out of his pay grade. While doing all of this, I can imagine him sitting cross-legged in a giant chair doing online classes. (Bruce signed him up. He can accept his adoptive son risking his life, but he refuses to raise another drop out).
Billy, on Zoom with his teacher: No, Mr Smith, I am not in a space station. I swear.
Hal: *floats by outside the window, doing repairs on the Watchtower*
Billy:...its a green screen...
*the Watchtower suddenly lurches to the side as Hals distant yelling about "STUPID FUCKING SPACE JUNK" is heard*
Billy: a very realistic green screen...
Billy actually really enjoys being able to do online classes in space. His favorite spots to work in the Watchtower change every few weeks, but most of them have gained a few chairs/tables/blankets once other heros notice. His top 3 would be the main control room, one of the smaller meeting rooms, and the observation deck. On multiple occasions, heros have walked into a completely dark meeting room to find Billys face lit up by a screen as he shushes them (he's in the middle of testing).
Billy, groaning: Gosh dang it... my counselor wants a parent teacher conference...
Bruce, brow furrowed: Why? You have high grades.
Billy: Apparently, leaving mid exam to save the southern hemisphere from an alien invasion doesn't count as an excused absence...
Danny, working as a cashier: Can I help you?
Tim half-deranged: Please I just want a cup of coffee
Danny squinted, then pulled out a binder: I'm sorry, sir, but you are on the Don't Serve Coffee list. I can offer you some tea instead-
Tim: NO. THIS IS THE FIFTH PLACE. BRUCE CAN'T OWN YOU ALL!
Danny leaning in to whisper: Look, man, I can't give you coffee under the cameras. Meet me in the back alley in twenty minutes and I'll get you a coffee. Bring Cash.
Tim: how much? Five hundred, six hundred or hell even a thousand? I'll bring whatever you want.
Danny: Chill dude, it's a cup of coffee. Three dollars is fine.
Tim: It's not just any coffee! It's my favorite brand and Bruce bought them out just to make sure they wouldn't sell to me anymore!
Danny: okay okay, this coffee means a lot to you. I get it. Twenty minutes alright?
Jason three weeks later in Bat cave: Tim's on drugs! I've caught him trading cash for small containers in a shady alley six times. We need an intervention.
Dick: What?! I thought that was his boyfriend!
Bruce: I also thought that was Tim boyfriend but if it's a drug dealer we have to help him.
Tim hiding in the shadows: shit.
Tim texting Danny: If anyone asks your my secret boyfriend who been making me teas in allies
Danny: who the hell would believe that? But I've had a boring week, so yeah, I'm down to be a pretend boyfriend.
Superman is left in the batcave on Robin-sitting duty for the day.
The batkids, (Let's say they're all fairly young and close to age for the sake of this) start to get restless pretty quickly so Clark proposes playing a game.
Hide and seek seem harmless enough. Not too physical, they can't get out of the batcave unauthorized and Clark can just locate them with his super powers if needed.
The first problem is that Cass and Damian don't know how to play. Clark tries to answer their questions 'Is it like a tressure hunt?' 'What are we hiding?' but the other kids start trying to explain and soon everyone is just shouting. Clark raises his voice and goes "Listen! The only rule is you hide and don't let me find you, okay?"
The kids all turn to look at Superman with huge glinting eyes. He ask if there's any questions and they all shake their heads no, and so Clark finally turns around and starts counting down from 100...
The first thing the kids do is grab some Kryptonite along with lead reinforced clothes. Hacking the doors and getting out of the cave is child's play. By the time Clark gets to "Cero! Ready or not here I come!" half of them already left the manor.
Tim and Cass decide to stay close to the enemy, hiding in the air conducts and old passages of the manor. They get to watch the exact moment Clark realizes, 30 minutes in, that he can't find them.
Jason and Stephanie go the disguises route. They stay in Gotham where they're already familiar with life in the streets, blending in and disappearing.
Duke and Damian take Goliath and fly to Dinosaur Island. Mostly because Duke has never been and is exited about the dinosaurs, and Damian likes animals. Also the dinosaurs will distract Superman if he comes too close.
Dick goes... Well he doesn't know where to go. Honestly, after the first 3 hours of walking around he gets pretty bored. Clark has been flying from one side of the country to the other for ages and hasn't even come close to finding him once.
So Dick goes looking for Bruce instead. He's not doing anything, he might as well help Batman kick some.
That's how Batman turns around mid-fight expecting to find another goon only to see his 9 year old son who was supposed to be at the other side of the planet with his siblings. As an explanation Dick says "Superman is Superbad at hide and seek".
Clark never babysits again.
Dick waking up at 3 a.m. to a phone ringing loudly. The only night off he takes from Nightwing. He couldn't be grumpier.
Dick: What do you want? Money? A check? My soul?
The other end of the line was silent for a few seconds.
Tim: Hiiii to my favorite older brother
Dick: Dfq did you do?
Tim: Ey it's not only me!
Jason: Hi dickie!
Dick remained silent, as he assimilated everything and fought against sleep.
Dick: where do I have to go to look for you?
1 hour later Dick is at the Gotham police station, taking his brothers out while scolding them like never before (mostly for wake him up).
Bruce: Okay, let me get this straight-
Tim: More like let me get this bi you.
Jason: Let us ace-ess the situation.
Dick: Let’s see how this pans out.
Damian: I’m gay.
Bruce:
Bruce: That’s all great and all, but WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KITCHEN FIRE?!
More brutalia fam content! Headcanon Talia uses ig occasionally 😆
Bruce Wayne could probably not care any less for social media but is willing to pose for her stories.
Talia and Bruce looking spectacular at a gala event but Damian just wants Titus to be known.
Thank you to the amazing @ube-kun for these pieces :)) saw them post another fanart on tw about Talia and Damian and I found it so cute, had to commission too
It's a pretty sweet headcanon that Bruce has photos of his kids that he keeps with him at all times, in his trusty bat-wallet in the trusty bat-utility belt, but the story of how he got those photos is probably even better
Like, baby robin Dick was swinging around one day, and flipped right into Bruce's arms who was anxiously waiting to catch him(new parents smh). Alfred took the picture sneakily, because it's hard getting the hyperactive child acrobat to ever stay still
Jason's photo is the one that they took at the courthouse when Jason was officially adopted. He has a gap tooth and is smiling widely at the camera, adoption certificate proudly displayed in his hands
Tim's photo is one that Bruce found in tim's old camera while going through it, and one rare Tim selfie popped up, bowl cut and all. He's holding up a victory sign while discreetly trying to pose in front of Batman and Robin
Cass' photo is one that Alfred clicked, she's fast asleep next to Bruce on the sofa, tired after patrol, their expressions and postures identical, biological child both in and out of the costume
Duke's photo is one that he had before being adopted into the Waynes, when his parents had taken a photo of him shaking hands with Bruce Wayne, for a fundraiser photo-op that Bruce was doing. Duke looked so excited and happy in it, that Bruce demanded a copy for himself
Damian's photo is the one which him and Bruce took for a 'Bring your kid to work day' very soon after Talia dropped him off at Gotham. His and Bruce's relationship is still a little rocky, but the way Damian was subtly trying his best to copy Bruce's stance in the photo made it's place in Bruce's wallet permanent
Batfam as things me and my friends have said
Steph: Fucked up I probably could have worn a crop top today 😔
Jason: Yeah well crop top fucked up is trop cop
Jason: and ACAB
Tim: You would baffle the psych department at any university.
-
Damian: You will never guess who just learned there are different breeds of horses.
[Simultaneously]
Tim: Is it Dick?
Babs: Is it Dick?
(is was)
-
Damian: DICK WOKE HIM (the cat) UP!
Damian: SO FUCKED UP!
Jason: Kill hi-
Dick: I'm sticking a fork into a power outlet.
Jason: Okay he's on it
-
Tim: I'm not autistic, probably, I'm the other one.
Dick: Artistic
Steph: A Cancer
-
Jason: Get me, uhh, a crapple juice
Duke: And if they don't have that?
Jason: A bullet to the head.
-
Bruce: Tim what do you do when you have a fever?
Tim: Sleep???
[several people are typing]
-
Tim: Who wants to play a little game?
Cass: What is the little game?
Tim: How long do you think it's been since I last slept?
Cass: 39 hours.
Tim: What the fuck
Tim: How did you do that what the fuck?
-
Tim: Wait wait wait, I thought energy drinks were good for when you're dehydrated?
Bruce: You.
Bruce: You're thinking of sports drinks.
Tim: What's the difference?
-
Dick: You don't ever talk about your parents.
Tim: I don't ever talk about my parents because... *shrugs* they're fine.
-
Duke: You all need to go to bed or I'm calling the cops
Tim: LOL call GCPD and see what happens (nothing)
Duke: Ok
Duke: Called. I don't think they're allowed to say that word but whatever.
The rocky relationship of Dick and Jay is just so interesting to me — so many mixed feelings, yet they’re the only ones that can really understand each other
Sorta just a pose study but I also love them
bruce letting duke learn how to drive on the way to school:
bruce: signal.
duke: hm?
bruce: duke, signal.
duke: uh… yeah?
bruce (raising his voice): signal!
duke (gripping the steering wheel): WHAT??
bruce (bracing himself): SIGNAL!!
damian (triple buckled in the backseat): your TURN SIGNAL, imbecile!
later, bruce: i need to start calling it a blinker.
My favorite fics go something like
Jason: the Joker killed me, and you refuse to kill him! You should love me enough to do that!
Bruce: I can't kill! Batman can't kill!
Jason: If you don't, he'll kill again and again, and that's on you!
Tim w/ a gun, who formed an intense parasocial relationship with Robin and Batman as a small child, super smart, with zero adult supervision, about to explain the Joker isn't just "missing in action": well this is awkward
Bruce, at a neighborhood gathering, talking to Jack Drake: Where's Janet?
Jack: Oh, she's sitting down. Carrying a baby all day really tires you out. Speaking of which, you haven't met Timothy yet!
Jack, stealing Tim from Janet to show him to Bruce: Look at this piece of heaven that came down just for us!
Baby Tim: bah •_-
Bruce: ...
Bruce, mentally: Yeah, I need to take him home. I need to raise that thing. He's perfect.
- years later-
Bruce, at Jack’s funeral with Tim at his side: I was playing the long game, idiot.
Tim, through tears: What..?
Bruce, putting an arm around him: Nothing, sweetheart.
Jason: Hey Dick. Wanna see a butterfly?
Dick: Yes.
Barbara: No!
Jason: *throws a stick of butter across the table*
Tim: Fucking majestic!
The Batkids definitely forget that their comms are on and linked up to each other's, which is what leads to instances such as:
Cass humming some song for our twenty minutes, nobody has even thought about interrupting and several Batkids have taken to texting each other
Bruce flirting with Clark
Barbara doing asmr as she works and hacks. It gets slightly more concerning when she starts talking to her dolls.
Sound effects related to devastating injury and then that Batkid furiously huffing and puffing and trying to play it cool (Dami, while everyone grimaces)
Bruce flirting with Selina
Dick bitching about something stupid a JLA member did and then going quiet, and threatening everyone listening in
Duke making sound effects under his breath and catchphrase-celebrating unseen feats of heroism and/or parkour
Steph making grim but cheerful comments about near misses while driving, and then going "Haha just kidding. Got you guys good."
Bruce flirting with Khoa
Jason panting heavily, and clearly running for his life, before profusely thanking a bus driver
Tim making mission impossible sounds very quietly as he walked after bad guys at the edge of some rafters. Followed by him falling through them
Bruce being awkwardly flirted at by Riddler, followed by an ew straight from someone's soul
Alfred's random commentary
Tim seems like the type to have a Snapchat story dedicated to his crashouts
He frequently posts videos of himself yelling about the idiots he encounters in his daily life, and people live for it.
Tim, in his car: I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF BAD DRIVERS! IF YOU WANT TO DRIVE LIKE A PRE-SCHOOLER, THEN PULL UP IN THE LITTLE TYKES COZY COUPE, MOTHERFUCKER. I AM TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM REAR-ENDING YOU! AT LEAST THEN YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GO THE FUCKING SPEED LIMIT
Tim, barely visible and whisper-shouting in a dark closet: If I have to deal with Lex Motherfucking Luthor one more time I might just have to commit a felony about it. Because what do you mean you "aren't familiar" with our DEI policy outline???? We've been doing business for years????? We've had this EXACT CONVERSATION, like, TEN TIMES--
Tim, not even bothering to find an empty room: I should have stayed an only child.
Dick’s voice offscreen: Huh?
Tim, deadpan: The only good outcome of having siblings is that if they threaten to kill me, I might actually get a fucking break —— assuming they can grow a spine long enough to actually make good on their threats, that is.
Dick, in the background: C’mon, Tim you guys just quit fighting— Damian, stop- DAMIAN
Damian, now in frame, making a spirited attempt to free himself from the upside-down hold he has been wrangled into by attacking Dick’s ankles: I only wish to give him what he wants, Richard!
Dick: No, Dami, what did we say about- STOP BITING ME
Tim, staring deadpan at the camera while the others fight behind him: I have never envied Jason Todd more in my life
Bruce is working at the McDonalds in the Wayne Enterprises cafeteria as he’s trying to uncover corruption.
Tim is working at the Taco Bell because the show Undercover Boss sounded fun
Jason is working at the Starbucks because he’s trying to poach employees from Bruce, but doesnt want to do any actual business stuff.
Duke is working at the Burger King because this is literally just his job.
Damian (and Jon stacked on top of Damian to make them seem like adults) is working in the Popeyes as Dick hopes this will make him connect with people more (it will not).
Dick is working at the Smoothie King because he honestly just got lost and this is more fun than his real job.
None of them have noticed.
I love-love AUs, where Jason adopts a kid and conventionally forgets to mention it to others, but I think it would be funnier, if he adopted an animal, but his family instantly started to think that he hides a child, because, honestly, it is obvious that he will end up with one anytime soon—
Jason, snoozing on his alarm: Hey, sorry, I gotta go. Dick: It is okay. See you around! Jason: *leaves* Tim, whispering: So, I don't want to start a panic, but his alarm name was "feeding time". Bruce, slamming his hands against the table: Finally! This had happened! Jason adopted someone! Dick, no less excited: We won. I am an uncle!
Jason, while scrolling the kangaroo ass carriers on the internet: Hm-m. Alfred, creeping on from behind, very enthusiastic: I would recommend you this one, lad. Jason, shuddering: Jesus— Jason: Uhh. Jason, thinking that Alfred probably knows, so there is no need to over-explain: Hey, thanks, Alfie. Alfred: Anytime.
Bruce, feigning nonchalance: So, how is the baby? Jason, thinking that Alfred just told Bruce about the whole thing: Well, better than ever. Bruce: Good. Where had you found him, by the way? Jason: Her. It is a baby girl, Matilda... And, well, in Crime Alley. Bruce, sniffling, because a) Jason is so him; b) he is such a girl dad himself by the nature: That's beautiful, lad. Jason: Uh, yeah?
Tim: Come on, when are you going to bring Matilda to introduce us? Dick is not getting younger. Dick: Hey— Dick: But also, yeah! I am not getting any younger. Jason, confused: You all are kinda obsessed. Jason: Like, there is literally nothing special. If you want to pat a dog, go and pat Titus. Don't bother my girl. Everyone, dropping whatever they were doing: A DOG?!