I Don’t Understand, What Do You Mean This Wasn’t The Scene???

drunk he tian: *crying*

mo guan shan: hey, asshole, why do you look so fucked up?

he tian: you know, little mo, i have a dream, and so often it seems to me that it will never come true.

mo guan shan: what kind of dream is this if you can't make it happen?

he tian: i want you to wanna kiss me so bad that you don't even ask. or ask. it doesn't really matter. i just want you to wanna kiss me. i want you to love me. i want to be with you. but... you don't want to. so now i'm drunk and crying.

mo guan shan: i can't fucking believe it. did you ask me, huh? maybe... maybe i want to, too.

he tian: well... no? do you wanna kiss me?

mo guan shan: fuck yeah.

he tian: *crying even more while they're kissing*

I posted 76 times in 2021

58 posts created (76%)

18 posts reblogged (24%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.3 posts.

I added 391 tags in 2021

#19 days - 61 posts

#19days - 59 posts

#19天 - 54 posts

#mo guan shan - 48 posts

#he tian - 48 posts

#tianshan - 46 posts

#he tian x mo guan shan - 38 posts

#jian yi - 16 posts

#zhan zheng xi - 12 posts

#zhanyi - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 84 characters

#i have a feeling that someone has already joked this very joke in the 19 days fandom

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

he tian: do you have two tongues in your mouth? mo guan shan: no. he tian: do you want to?

218 notes • Posted 2021-10-31 22:57:40 GMT

#4

guan shan fell asleep thinking about tian's words.

246 notes • Posted 2021-11-30 17:15:23 GMT

#3

did I understand correctly that the whole 19 days fandom quietly agrees that future-mo guan shan usually sleeps on he tian's chest? and when tian has nightmares, he buries himself in the redhead's neck, and redhead hugs him and kisses the top of his head? and little mo loves when tian sneaks up and unexpectedly embraces and pecks him while he cooks, but still feigns annoyance? and that they can't watch a movie properly because they're always distracted by each other?

i like that.

279 notes • Posted 2021-11-20 20:40:46 GMT

#2

little mo is little indeed~

See the full post

361 notes • Posted 2021-12-05 13:28:47 GMT

#1

mo guan shan: *chops vegetables*

he tian: *puts a dirty plate in the sink and leaves*

mo guan shan: *chops two times faster and louder*

he tian: *comes back in a hurry and starts washing all the dishes*

mo guan shan: *chops vegetables at a normal pace again*

421 notes • Posted 2021-12-08 17:59:04 GMT

i guess tianshan has completely engulfed me

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

mo guan shan: i hate seeing you like this.

he tian: like what?

mo guan shan: in person.

after the fight

he tian: just be yourself! say something nice

mo guan shan: which one? i cant do both.

he tian: you can become a millionaire in no time.

mo guan shan: yeah? and how?

he tian: marry me.

You want Venom to be rated r so he can graphically kill people on screen, I want Venom to be rated r so he and Eddie can fuck. We are not the same

So this might be kind of random but I was just thinking about the duality of Guanshan's character and about the differences between how he usually presents himself and how he really is on the inside. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who perceives it that way or not but well, you know how most of the time we see Guanshan as this smoll, angry beast and ball of fluff, who doesn't allow anyone to get too close to him. I'm fairly convinced that this is just a mask or a persona he was forced to create just so he could survive the constant bullying and protect himself from those who're trying to break him and bring him down. For some people who tend to isolate themselves, one of the reasons leading to that kind of behaviour is the fact that at some point they begin to wallow in self-hatered, because they feel like they don't belong in any social group and everyone else around hates them anyway. And that's exactly how people made him feel - like there's no point in trying because he will never be worthy of anyone's attention nor will he become the object of admiration.

(Also I'm listening to "Adam's Song" by Blink-182 while I'm typing this and I'm starting to get emotional, send help)

He knows that if he'll be any other way, he's only going to get hurt more, convinced that no one will ever care to help nor take pity on someone like him. Not that he even wants them to but the thing is, that it's not always easy having the whole world turned against you, looking down as if you had nothing going for yourself. All he ever wanted was some peace - not kindness, not charity - just people minding their business and leaving him to his own. And maybe the bare minimum of fucking human decency. Too bad they weren't willing to give it to him.

And that brings us to the other side of his personality that is currently buried 6 feet underground, hidden completely from the world, stuffed far back on the shelves. I believe that beneath that rough, angry and aggressive persona he puts on, Guanshan is a very gentle and calm soul. He never wanted to be this punkish kid who had to prove he isn't a weak and pathetic crybaby each step of the way. And if people wanted to see a son of a criminal and a freak in him, he'd rather be that way to keep people at the distance. It's better to be feared instead of staying an easy target. Even if it's at the cost of losing touch with your inner self.

If none of the bullshit and bullying happened to him, he would be a genuinely kind and helpful kid who isn't afraid of taking the intiative. Maybe if people didn't put him in a certain box from a young age he wouldn't lose the will and the courage to aim higher and believe in things he could be capable of achieving. Maybe he wouldn't have given up on dreaming. Of course, he still would be a very introverted and private person, enjoying his own company the most, but he wouldn't be haunted by this constant sense of dread, telling him that if he doesn't put up the walls to protect himself, someone's going to hurt him one way or another. For example, if we think about Guanshan as a kid, he was an absolutely sweet and gentle child. He wasn't angry nor was he spiteful. On the contrary - he seemed to be much more mature than other kids and tried to solve issues with them peacefully. He was brave enough to stand up to She Li when others took part in bullying, playing into the fantasy of some kindergarden childlish mafia. Guanshan - even though he gets easily impressed by "cool" and "manly" stuff - can as easily differ right from wrong and what kind of behaviour is truly respect-worthy. The way he approached the situation with She Li and Buzzcut was done in the most mature way possible for an elementary/middle school kid, without him trying to prove that he was the cooler, the stronger or the wittier one. He also didn't care that he might end up getting hurt, considering She Li's not so stable behaviour. To him, the safety of his friend and the urge to speak up his mind was more important. Unfortunately, too many times he's been proven that speaking up his mind didn't do him any good. It always ended up with people beating him up or belittling him, whether those were the kids, the teachers or other irresponsible adults.

That's why I believe that all this anger and frustration is an armor he was forced to wear because no one ever tried to see past the flaws that weren't even his own. Flaws that were nothing but a projection of pejudiced adults. Even though he grew up with a loving mother, that kind of an unconditional love - although beautiful - can be easily overlooked and discounted when everyone else seems to think you're unlovable and unworthy of such love. And that kind of treatment makes it even harder to learn and understand the importance of loving yourself.

Now, what impresses me the most is the fact that we can finally see that Mo is slowly beginning to act like his younger self around He Tian. He's calm, he doesn't get angry as much as before, because he doesn't feel the need to protect himself around He Tian anymore. He's feeling safe enough to let that armor/persona/mask or whatever you call it lower down and reveal parts of him that he's been keeping hidden from others for so long. He still feels uncertain, not sure how to navigate this strange and unexpected direction they've taken but he wants to do better regardless - both for He Tian and for himself - which to me, ironically - is to learn how to accept and love your inner, vulnerable self. The one that others made you feel like you should be ashamed of and pretend it doesn't exist. All it took was He Tian lightning up a spark within him and making him feel like there was something going for him after all. Like he might be worth the time and the attention and suddenly Guanshan wants to prove to He Tian that he is. He's willing to change for the better, not only because he's seen He Tian trying as well but he's began to realise that he cares for the other boy and he isn't willing to just let go of him. He came to realise that he doesn't want their ways to part one day just because he lacked the courage to change. To be removed from He Tian's orbit because he wasn't good enough. Because he's chosen to play the part others told him to. Through the care, warmth, patience and understanding He Tian has offered to him, the spark that was once lit in Guanshan's heart was slowly begining to grow, forming into a beautiful and passionate flame. Similar to the one Guanshan has lit a long time ago in He Tian's own, hollow heart.

I like the idea of Guanshans's attitude shifting bit by bit, depending on how he feels around certain people because I get so excited just thinking about him and Tian discovering new sides of each other - sides they weren't expecting at all. When Guanshan finally trusts He Tian entirely, the other would begin to notice that most of the time Guanshan's a very chill, sweet and gentle soul, even if he can't express his feelings and affection very well. He prefers to avoid unessesary conflicts and tries to talk things through, instead of attacking the other or sulking over his bruised ego. Sometimes Guanshan would feel guilty after his arguments with He Tian, no matter who's at fault and would be a lot more affected by them than he'd let it show. He would hate being cross with the person he cares about the most and his affection for the other would often end up being bigger than his ego. He Tian would also be in awe at how adorable Guanshan could become at times when there was no one else around to judge him. Maybe there would even be a whole new playful side to Guanshan, where he allows himself to let loose and joke around a little, like that one time when he smirked at He Tian who confessed he's afraid of the dark and He Tian was like "STFU or I'm gonna punch your teeth out".

Anyway, that's something I've been noticing for some time already and I just wanted to put it out there because I find it absolutely beautiful to see how Guanshan is finally starting to feel comfortable and safe enough to let those more vulnerable parts of him show. He's slowly realising that there are people who wants him for who he truly is and won't judge him based on his family name, baseless rumors or old wounds without giving him a proper chance to prove himself first ❤

mo guan shan: *crying*

he tian: what happaned!? did somebody hurt you? tell me, i swear i'm gonna kill them-

mo guan shan: i'm just cutting onions.

he tian, at night: listen here, you stupid onion-

if it was tian instead of jian yi, guan shan would really mean it.

Jian, reading a romance novel: Do you believe in true love?

Mo: I believe you’re a true pain in my ass.