The ‘Goodness’ Mask Of Controlling Behaviour.

For Victims of Abuse Who Feel Betrayed.

There is no rule that says that anyone has to like or accept cruel people, and personally, I would not even trust those who do so.

There is also no rule that says that anyone has to forgive them, unless some religious or healing aspect comes into it, where people try to win the power struggle in becoming superior to their abuser. That can be helpful, but it is not something that I would personally advocate.

Let’s have some eye opening discussion.

If the need to be liked and accepted in someone is that strong that people who create incessant cruetly are welcome and acceptable, then the person may well be an Apath (sometimes termed as “flying monkey”), a dangerous being who stands by on the fence as abuse continues, and in their own quietly masked way, support them in their endeavours in the hope of never becoming the target to the persons cruelty themselves. 

Abusers wont let apath’s off for it when they need another target, and will happily discard them in the same way as anyone else when they can no longer be used.

There is a high trend for acceptance of cruelty being created by people who think that they are doing the right thing, being all encompassing loving all human beings.

Psychologically that can help them cope if they have been victims of abuse themselves in life, with a situation which I know very well of experience wise, called Stockholm Syndrome being the culprit.

If you have been a victim of abuse and supporters of abusers are hurting you inside, that is completely valid and correct way to feel. I would hug you if I could, and say that you are in a fantastic state of mind, whilst those who are continuing the trail of cruelty are not.

Stay blessed :-)

© Saturday 19th Feb 2022

Discrimination: Traumatic Background Does Not = Automatic Narcissism.

Not always.

It is a mistaken judgement to say that those who came from troubled parentage and backgrounds, where attachment to caregivers and parents might have been lacking, are those who become narcissists.

There are many people around the globe who come from troubled backgrounds yet are the most empathetic, caring, loving people that can be met, and I think that to tarnish everybody from a poor background is a marker of not only extremism, but unprofessional-ism in their field.

Take those growing up in poor circumstances, not every child from the same household will always be produced in the same way. They are each unique individuals who will learn in their own ways within the environment that they find themselves in, they are not one person, and not an extension of the caregivers or parents that they have been landed with.

Some do indeed come out as narcissists, even psychopaths, that is the way of the world, but there are also many vastly empathic, over caring, over responsible people that come from such backgrounds who have been highly tuned and trained to feed narcissistic needs. I am one of them (recovered).

The last thing that people who come from troubled backgrounds need to hear, is that they have been tarnished with the same brush as their abusers, that they are narcissists because of an abusive childhood. The very act of doing this is an abusive one itself, one that I understand is called discrimination.

Evolutionary Learning: PTSD and CPTSD Symptoms.

Events that cause us fear, suffering, and threat to our lives leave a strong, everlasting mark. Either consciously or subconsciously, what is recorded plays back over and over again given the correct environment that makes the connection and presses the play button. We have recorded some information, but not all of it is of happy memories.

I was fascinated with the fact that I could record something on a cassette tape when I was little. I found it amazing, and those in my family did not share the same complete astoundment that I felt when I discovered that I was able to record sound, my voice and the voices in my surroundings on a cassette tape.

Now much older, I have decided that there is a recording nature in literally everything, from various crystals to the tiniest atoms, and the main point that I am getting to, our brains.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the unwanted intrusion of some of the more challenging recordings that we have collected along the way. It isn’t the upsurge of happy memories, but rather the deeply ingrained bad memories and traumas that we might prefer to ignore or forget.

Sometimes in PTSD, emotions become uncontrollable, which is the distinguishing factor that makes it Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. CPTSD makes it even more difficult to navigate the world, let alone face and move on from the memories that keep intruding. 

Every episode pops up like a “surprise motherfucker” moment. Choice in shelving it for later on? forget it. PTSD and CPTSD is instant like that, and there is no going back until some sort of retreat and processing can be taken.

I sometimes like to think of PTSD and CPTSD as an overloaded cassette tape. This idea does not work out in rational reality since you cannot overload recordings on a cassette, it just stops each side, but the recording nature of the human brain is different. It certainly has much more capacity than a cassette tape, and in some ways, it may well be infinite, until physicality for the brain ceases to exist at least.

Studies show that predatory induced fear causes PTSD like changes in the brains and behaviour of wild animals. The article goes on to say that:

“Retaining a powerful enduring memory of a life-threatening predator encounter is thus clearly evolutionarily beneficial if it helps the individual avoid such events in the future3,4,8. Contemplating this, in light of the many PTSD-like changes manifest in laboratory rodents in response to predator-induced fear19, has prompted a growing number of biomedical researchers to propose3,5,6,7,9,10,11 that “PTSD is the cost of inheriting an evolutionarily primitive mechanism that considers survival more important than the quality of one’s life”12. In this view, PTSD-like changes in the brain and behaviour are not unnatural or “maladaptive”, but are rather evolutionary adaptations which entail costs, such as “hypervigilance”12,19,20 and the avoidance of trauma-related cues19, that provide the benefit of increasing the probability of survival, by increasing the likelihood of detecting a life-threatening danger (hypervigilance), and reducing the probability of encountering one (avoidance).”

Powerful memories that do not let us forget are the one’s that will help keep us safe in future times. Sometimes PTSD and CPTSD is making a faulty connection, because the situation that we are in can replay events so vividly where there really is no harm to come, but in the event of future run in’s with exceptionally predatory people, of which there are many + more growing with the generational learning created through the use of social media, PTSD and CPTSD serve as an evolutionary stage in learning that will absolutely help me in moving onward in my life at least.

The ability to record things is amazing, in whatever medium. I now have a new understanding of PTSD and CPTSD and how we learn by what we live. There is  cost, but I am more than happy to pay for what I need.

Be happy :-)

Dreamwork, the Beauty and the Boundary Violation

Dreamwork is an interesting area of human life that easily gets caught up in a nightmare, so I wanted to write a short bit about that today and define what dreams (and nightmares) are, which can sometimes help stop the fall.

Dreams (and nightmares) are the brains way of resolving things that have not been processed in waking time. It is a bit like doing a format or defragging of a hard drive, sorting out the bits and pieces that either didn’t make a connection, or were just not sorted into the correct place so that they could be moved on from. In machines, that is processing. We are not machines, but as humans, it is pretty much the same processing story for us, with the exception that we are feeling beings, and that we get mystified by things sometimes.

Working out our dreams is something that we can all learn to do, and for those who can look objectively, whilst utilising empathy and an understanding of psychology, Dreamwork with others can be really eye opening for the receiver. The best part however, is that once you have started to work with someone else on Dreamwork, it becomes impossible to not then go forward in being able to realise the individual meaning of dreams for one’s self.

There is another side to the coin though. Dreamwork is a largely overlooked area for potential abuse that is worth remembering, in case it starts happening to ourselves or someone else that we love or care about deeply. Such an open, repeated vision into the boundaries of the personal psyche should only be shared with those that we undoubtedly know that we can trust.

Narcissistic Traits: When is it Fucked Up?

... when it is to do with somebodies eyebrows.

I came across a study that studied what people thought, and I’ll add, based on appearances over behaviour, when people perceive the eyebrows of another person. No, I am not joking and yes, this is one of those things that I could only dream was fake news. 

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/324971942_Eyebrows_Cue_Grandiose_Narcissism

The study revealed that thick, well groomed eyebrows were a narcissistic trait by viewers standards, and going on the trends of increasingly large eyebrows in the last five years, I’d say that this was well dangerous to put out publicly and only highlights to me just how dangerous narcissistic trait lists online can be for a person.

With these trait lists we are leading ourselves into an era where people feel that they are entitled enough to call others narcissists, and a lot of the time quite publicly. The problem with that is, that unless the person doing it is a registered psychiatrist or related health professional with the full, educated understanding of the disorder, people who shout out narcissist are making a slur. A self entitled slur that only shows the speaker of such words for who they truly are.

Quietly, we can decide for ourselves that someone has traits that we would rather not have in our lives and move on swiftly, but where there is a need to openly and directly name someone a narcissist and holding no qualification to do so, we have to look at the motive behind that need, for that is where the real problem lies.

Something a former care taker would often say to me as a teenager being a teenager: it’s not big and it’s not clever. 

Don’t worry eyebrow groomers, I’m not blanketing you with this one. 

Covid, Hormones, Fungus, and Food.

Covid-19 is something that I have experienced multiple times over the years, and along the way all I could really do is observe myself and make adjustments. I could not get any answers at the doctors or specialists that I saw, other than that everything was okay. It is welcome news that there is nothing to report, but not when you know that things are not completely okay.

Covid-19 tipped up my hormones. It was really disturbing because my emotions were everywhere and I felt so different in one moment from the next, all thanks to the tip in balance.

I then, unknowingly at the time, and unknowingly to the doctors that I had seen, began to have problems with fungus circulating around my body, which caused plenty of issues. I could not work out what I had done for this to happen, when really I had done nothing, Covid-19 had just come along, weakened my immune system and liberated the existing Candida in my gut.

I also began to have a problem with eating a specific food that I did not have a problem with before, and that was soy. Within a few hours of eating soy of any kind, even in very small, if not tiny amount, my hormone issues would become worse, so I began to eliminate it from my diet.

Unfortunately, soy appears to be something that mimics various oestrogen hormones, and as mentioned in one study that I had read, a high oestrogen environment is what fungus wants, and what it flourishes in.

In 2020 I started to notice just how many foods contain soy. It is included as a lecithin in many processed foods and probably the worst news (the worst news to me at least) was that it was in many of my favourite chocolates, it never used to be in them at least, but now it is almost everywhere.

On further research I found soy is even fed to cattle and other animals that are then sold as food to humans, so soy goes as far as possible in the food chain, until we get to the organic foods section, where soy cannot be included.

If soy is mostly everywhere as it is now, and the fruit and vegetable crops destined for peoples tummies are sprayed with fungicidal pesticides across the globe, then I can kind of start to comprehend why fungus is able to take such a hold all of a sudden.

Our guts do not get to filter out pesticides, they get shaped by them with our hormones negatively affected in the process. This is why I decided to take the soy free and organic diet as much as it is possible, to keep fungus in check and to look after my hormones, both of which have been shown to affect mental health directly when overgrown or out of balance.

Stay well :)

note; this is nothing but my own personal experience, in a lay persons perspective

Controlling Behaviour: The Internet, Personal Boundaries and Self Development.

Spotting controlling behaviour in people has never been as transparent to the general public as it is at the moment. 

At the risk of sounding like one of those dodgy one tip to lose tummy fat web ad’s, the one big sign that gives people away is this: if a person has any thing to say about another person having had a Covid-19 vaccine or not.

Anyone (other than authorities such as the government, scientists, etc) that has an opinion about another persons vaccination status is openly displaying some fairly controlling behaviour.

Another persons vaccine status and decision on their body is really nobody else’s business but the individuals, and when I see people coming out with terms like “un-vaccinated people are selfish”, “un-vaccinated people should lose their right to healthcare”, I realise that I feel so uncomfortable about it due to how dreadful pushing an opinion on others really is. It is akin to extremism, but has another air to it that I cannot quite pin down yet. 

Questioning helped get me through.

Did we have this sort of attitude with other vaccinations?

In the unfortunate divide that has been created, what is different?

I’ll tell ya what I think at least. The difference is, social media / internet use.

People do not seem to understand how the information that we take in, scrolling through feeds and streams of it, shapes our own realities drastically more than the every day user would like to think. Yes we can curate things but we only have to take a quick glance at how politics and even BTS seeped into the lives of those who otherwise would not be interested.

Many people also do not have knowledge of things like Social Contagion, Collective Behaviour and the quietly insidious effects that these can wield on our own free agency.

Boundary busting, isn't it?

Plenty of us either mindful of, just learning, or adept at keeping personal boundaries intact can remain oblivious to those boundaries that we allow to be crossed online. Just by logging into an open text messaging service to the entire globe, such as Twitter, we gladly expose ourselves to the world of almost everything, trolling, hate crime, and other shitty stuff included. Many of us are already angry about being burned by companies like Facebook, a place where almost the entire content of lives and families were uploaded without question.

They were trusted. None of us knew.

Luckily, boundaries can be reinstated, but that almost always takes a bit of a shock to the system in realising that very quietly, without our realising, our boundaries were being crossed, and we may have been taking that into our everyday lives, with some being taught that boundary evasion is okay on both sides of the coin, being the crosser or the crossed.

The question we all have to ask ourselves is exactly that, is it ever okay to cross boundaries either way, both offline and online?. Asking ourselves this question can help us see where we are in terms of personal growth and whether we really are working towards a better society all round for humanity.

Keep being amazing :-)

Covid Findings, a Lay Person’s Account.

Hello,

I have popped back to share my own personal experience, and to help heal myself after watching a snippet of a recent BBC Question Time television programme, which I felt only served to try to shame people who were making their own free choices as a human being.

Just a small snippet, where there first guest did not appear to be able to articulate well what he was saying, and had made an unfortunate mistake in a fact (perhaps a victim of actual disinformation), and a second guest who got all of her valid points across, only to be shamed for it on national television in front of a panel of professionals? I thought that the days of barbarianism were over in the UK at least, yet here they are still today only in a different format on television.

I felt like I had just watched a small snippet of abuse, unfortunately this is spread over an entire length of a program involving many more guests than the ones that I have mentioned. It was painful to watch, and I felt that it was aiming to get the monetary audiences in, not just those present to discuss.

I have never spoken about my own experiences with Covid-19, I wanted to ensure that I was not influencing anyone else’s freedoms, but since the BBC are okay to try and shape peoples opinions that I at least should be permitted to write what I am about to write.

At this point, which is Friday 4th of February, 2022, and after hearing many different peoples experiences as well as re-experiencing the same, slight differing problem over the years myself, I can feel safe in the knowledge that I first came across Covid-19 in whatever form that it was in, in November / December 2015.

I then picked up the same thing in February 2016, and lasted a bit longer until I got it again in February 2020, March 2020, October 2020, June 2021, and January 2022 - the recent episodes in January lasted me two days at most, and was not as rough terrain like previous experiences.

Throughout that time I had no help or understanding as to what was going on, until 2021 when I began to wonder if what I had been troubled with all this time was in fact Covid-19, so I started listening to others experiences and keeping up with what was happening for people globally in the news.

There were a few things that stood out to me along that journey;

* the affect that Covid-19 was having on peoples gut

* the re-circulation of old or dormant virus and associated symptoms 

* the ability of Covid-19 to cross the brain barrier

Having plenty of time on my hands during lock down, I certainly kept my eye on the world news for updates and noticed more and more that symptoms of things like long Covid fatigue, matched with those of the known Epstein Barr virus, which is common and can lay harmlessly dormant in the guts of anyone.

I also noticed that fungus was a big player in Covid-19 mortality, as fungus is one of the causes of pneumonia. Various fungus can also be the cause of many rash like symptoms that people experience.

In looking at my own experience at least, fungus and bacteria are not just big players in Covid-19 symptoms, but the main ones, leading me to personally (as a lay person) come to understand that Covid-19 is likely a liberator of whatever lays dormant, and perhaps not so dormant, in the guts of the host that it comes to exploit. This includes the transportation and crossing of some of those things over the brain barrier, which explains why so many accounts of Covid-19 experiences include those of neurological symptoms.

Like any public transport service, Covid-19 is nothing without it’s passengers. Taking care of our general health and reducing susceptibility to the overgrowth, overexposure, and resistance to overcoming various fungus and bacteria that are naturally occurring in ourselves and in the environment, may well help in promoting the permanent closure of Covid-19′s business.

The experiences of people matter, as does the free choice for people to have a vaccine, or to not have a vaccine.

Stay well :)

Radicalisation, Hate, and the Great Die Out.

I didn’t write for a while, it is hard work using my brain to the extent that I do so time off is necessary, as any hyper vigilant person may already know... and for the record, I am playing with this “great die out” in the title. You should know that I classify those using phrases like “the great reset, the great bla bla, etc” as radicalised people.

I want to write about our ongoing, and in my view, dangerous journey that is deepening into the world of single mindedness.

By single mindedness, what I mean is the one track, intolerant, anti diversity that our brains appear to be being trained into, by what often traces back to source as social media.

It doesn't only track back to social media, it also tracks back to certain public speakers, those of which who rightly so, hold their own beliefs and value set in the world, but instead of keeping those various laundries at home on the drying rail amongst friends and family sharing a cup of tea and a biscuit, they are taken out in front of great audiences both in person and online, with the intention of letting people know that their view is the only one that matters.

The problem with that is where some people in the audience have a tendency towards hate, and in many ways would like to act out that hate as a form of completion in their lives to please a specific person, being, or god. They really just want to please themselves.

Beliefs of people are one thing, but when they are pushed upon others as the “right” way above others personal will, then what we are dealing with is a person who wants to radicalise others into their own ideas about how life is to be lived.

Most of the obvious people who do this in the public eye are acting under the guise of religion. They are permitted to be there because they tout the religion as the reasoning behind their thinking, but looking at them all it is easy to see they are simply incredibly old fashioned. They, powerless in a rapidly changed, and still changing world, are struggling to grasp with the realities that they now find themselves in and perhaps have deep, survival based needs to make the modern world that they now find themselves in even more evil than it ever has been.. even though we come from a time where the iron age was probably as gruesome as it gets, and open incest is catalogued in their written histories.

Despite all of our efforts to be beautiful in the world, inclusive and if we like, engaging in of all of our individual, creative worlds, hate will preside both in the overground and the underground, but at least in one projection I can see high potential for the old fashioned overground to simply die out as the arrow of time continues to direct us all ever onward, and onward’s :)

Public speakers who preach hate trickle down their one track ideas to the next generations, but the beauty is that each generation waters it down before the hate it becomes nothing, non existent.

May you all be beautifully blessed, and sending extra massive love to the trans community and all those creating with genders, non genders, roles, and identities right now.

Predatory Gazes: Black Footed Wildcat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6d9rqhivQY

If you can spot the Black Footed Wildcat’s amazing facial expression on landing her prey in this clip (around 1:32), then you’l be seeing a big similarity in the reptilian brained, predatory nature of some human beings in action. 

My sons father matches the expression entirely in a photograph that I have where he was on a drunken, drug fuelled Christmas Day hatred rampage. I have decided that I cannot post his picture here for privacy reasons, but if you have seen this face in someone already, then you will know when you see it in this sweet clip of the the Black Footed Wildcat hunting. 

The human version is not so cute.