Check Out This Are I Made When I Was 8

Everyone has that nice story their parents would tell them of how they were made. Like the stork brought them, or the parents wished with all their hearts to have a child. For the first 6 years of my life, my parents used to tell me that I was a monkey they stole from the zoo whose tail they cut off.

When Stan Lee dies, all the Marvel movie characters should mention they have funerals to attend for their postman/doorman/friend/stripclub DJ and then be very confused when they all show up at the same one.

I'm so proud of myself.

It only took me 20 minutes and a Google search to figure out how to post on mobile

nun: amen

man: not all amen

The only thing worse than puns are knock knock jokes. The second someone says "knock knock" everyone in the room prepares for disappointment.

i hope the ice age series just continues alongside history despite it not being an ice age anymore and we get up to like ice age 67: the great depression, which was also somehow started by that squirrel trying to get the acorn

Okay, so we all know about the soulmate tattoo prompt, where if your soulmate writes something on their hands, arms, etc… you also get it, too, right? But just think about the tattoo having the mind of its own and only appears when it’s the right time to find your soulmate? Like suddenly, out of nowhere, “Get on your bike and go to the park” appears on your arm. And then just imagine the tattoo being piss bc you keep looking for the wrong person, like “OMFG, not him, you dumbass, the one to the left!!” “Wait, no, it’s not him!! Stoppp!!!” And how happy it is when you finally found your them, like “ITS HIM, GET HIM” “Jeez, took you long enough!”

Playing superior music for friends

When you see your friend in public