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I LOVE IT 🥰😭🥹

This man 😭😭😭😭

Don't worry, you'll be fine, I'm only 500 pages into a fanfic on my third read of the series and I'm completely and totally normal and fine, so you should be too

Just started Thousand Autumns, should I be concerned for my mental health?

Ahhhh it's so pretty tho

mdzs jp audio drama x MEDICOS + MDZS characters (幻鏡🪞 ver)

I've tried to post this like three times but Tumblr mobile app didn't like me and just threw away all my witty commentary the moment I hit "Post", so I juggled my video and photos to my computer just for that sweet desktop experience!

But like can we all acknowledge that Xie Lian ascended into a god the third time through junk collecting? He just collected scraps SO HARD that he ascended. Like did he plan that? Or was he just minding his own business one day and then a Heavenly Tribulation rained down on him and he was like "Whoops, guess this is what I'll be known for forever let's gooooo!" It sounds like him, honestly.

Everyone knows Xie Lian as that one god involved with a plague and whose martial skills are second to none - to the point that he's stronger than Hua Cheng by the time his curse shackles are removed. But let's all remember the REAL reason he's a god at the start of TGCF. Our boy is just that good that he junk-collected his way into heaven, and I think we should be praying to our scrap immortals more often.

Okay we're adding one to the list!

DarkHorse - Barnabas and Sleipnir (Odin and...his horse egi)

(Also a decent Katy Perry song)

I need to mini-rant tho:

When Sleipnir revealed his name I was laughing like "HE'S THE HORSE HOLY SHIT" and it was so appropriate in so many ways. The greatest thing about Sleipnir is that he never has a third-act breakdown when he gets beat, he's just happy to be defeated, never loses his swagger that guy.

However, considering the fact that Barnabas considered defeating Sleipnir an impressive feat, it's implied that that version of Sleipnir never died before, and when the Sleipnir army comes to fight the gang I don't think any of them speak! I think that means that the original Sleipnir had evolved a personality and individuality from experience living so long, something Barnabas wasn't able replicate in the other egi who were silent and just there to be mass-produced in a fight.

This suggests Barnabas didn't even care for the best version of Sleipnir when he died, a version he could never replace even with all the clones. Meanwhile that original Sleipnir isn't afraid of death for his master's sake and was built to be utterly loyal to Barnabas and he doesn't feel bad about it in the slightest and this is such a fucked up relationship and yet I wouldn't want to change it in any context because it works???

Sleipnir is completely unfazed by anything, both as an overpowered non-human badass but also as an evolved egi, plus I love his voice and his character design (don't put on a helmet! I wanna see your fabulous hair while we beat the crap out of each other!) and sorta falling in love with him. Dion still my favorite but man Bahamut gets his emotions wrecked and here's just Sleipnir living his best life and death with not a care in the world.

Okay everybody listen up! I haven't found most of the official ship names and I'm too lazy to continue scouring Tumblr, so I need to compile a list myself! Reblog with your preferred ship name for any given ship not listed and/or challenge one another to single combat until we come to a consensus on conflicting names for the same ship!

My contribution:

PhoenixFlare - Joshua x Dion (Phoenix x Bahamut)

FlareKnight - Dion x Terence

PhoenixFlareKnight - Joshua x Dion x Terence

FrostFire - Jill x Clive (Shiva x Ifrit)

FireBolt - Clive x Cid (Ifrit x Ramuh)

StoneStorm - Hugo x Benedicta (Titan/Garuda)

I have no other ships off the top of my head but Barnabas/Odin should probably be Dark-something.

I'll honestly also accept Flame for Clive, but is it too close to Flare? Idk. Opinions?

I'd argue that Jiang Cheng doesn't care much for his reputation after all these years, or at the very least he hasn't been afraid to have a hardass, why-are-you-LIKE-this-you-asshole reputation if it puts on a front of being uncaring, spiteful, and someone not to be messed with. Jiang Cheng has always put on confrontational facades, but he cares about his family at heart. He pretended to abandon Wei Wuxian during his defection to the Wens, but still considered Wei Wuxian part of his family in secret until things went south in a confrontation reveled to be complete happenstance. He loves and hates Wei Wuxian for different reasons but with equal ferocity and has a genuine right to both - he has the right to hate Wei Wuxian, but he also has the right to love him without needing to owe him or having peer pressure force him into it.

Jin Guangyao got under his skin by making the rightful assumption that Jiang Cheng was willing to abandon Wei Wuxian when things got hard and his reputation was at risk, because Jiang Cheng IS the person who will put up a front of abandoning, swearing revenge, hating people. But he was also the one INSISTING that Wei Wuxian HAD to be back at some point, a twisted mass of his desire to hate Wei Wuxian mixing with his real desire to have him back. He wants his brother back, he wants his family back, but Wei Wuxian is the only one he KNOWS can return, however tragic that is. He's the first to accuse Jin Guangyao of intentionally setting up Wei Wuxian during the ambush and getting Jin Ling's parents killed as a result - if he has someone else to blame other than Wei Wuxian, he's now ferociously defending his brother. Even Wei Wuxian admits that it really was just an accident; sure, Jin Guangyao pulled some strings, but he would have gotten into trouble eventually. But now Jiang Cheng NEEDS someone else to be at fault, because he doesn't want to hate Wei Wuxian anymore. He CAN'T hate Wei Wuxian, for all he wants to.

Not just because of the golden core revelation, but because he's finally maturing as a person and understanding why Wei Wuxian did what he did. He hates it, but now he understands Wei Wuxian a little better.

The book even compares his refusal to confess why he lost his golden core to why Wei Wuxian never told him about the transfer. In just a tiny little way, Jiang Cheng has become more like Wei Wuxian. In the end, he makes a very similar choice and will likely never admit what happened. This time, there's no third party who can force a confession of this tiny little incident. Wei Wuxian can live freely without the weight of that guilt still haunting their relationship, and for once Jiang Cheng's willing to sacrifice any self-satisfaction of saying "well ha actually I deserve this golden core after all I've done for you" to put the tragedy of the past in the past.

Imagine the teenage Jiang Cheng, or the one who was just rebuilding the Jiang Clan after the Sunshot Campaign. Would he have been able to let something like that go? If he and Wei Wuxian got into an argument about what was right and wrong, who owed who, would he have really been able to let it go? He'd already stomached Wei Wuxian’s legitimate, heartbreaking betrayal of his vow to stand with the Jiang Clan and Jiang Cheng no matter what. He was unwilling to see how his own pride had corrupted their relationship and was willing to sacrifice innocent Wens at first. It was Wei Wuxian who convinced him that doing the right thing was better than any reputation, and Jiang Cheng was the fool for abandoning HIM. While his pride couldn't stand it, he at least TRIED to make it work, for a period. Because his love for Wei Wuxian marginally outweighed his hatred.

He's spent all this time hating Wei Wuxian and clinging to the past betrayal and subsequent misfortunes rather than moving forward and trying to make the best of his life - more importantly, to teach Jin Ling to be better. In his own, prideful and stubborn way, letting go of the incident was his first step into changing and trying to forget the past and actually move on. Wei Wuxian doesn't want any trouble, and now neither does Jiang Cheng.

To be clear, this isn't to say Jiang Cheng has magically fixed as a person. He's still a stubborn hardass brandishing his whip whenever he gets pissed off, and Wei Wuxian will likely still never consider Lotus Pier his home - even if he now manages to visit with only a mild complaint from Jiang Cheng every five steps he takes. But it's progress. It's him saying "fine, we can stop bringing up past grudges and get along - only when we have to! You walk your damn path, I'll walk mine."

And maybe, one day, now that they aren't worried about pleasing or betraying the other, they can make steps to becoming friends again, and even becoming family.

For Jin Ling's sake, of course, why would he LIKE Wei Wuxian or anything, he's just that annoying guy clinging to Hanguang-jun I think.

Y'all wanna know also why JC can't tell WWX about distracting the Wens back then?

Because it means jackshit when later he leads a siege on him in an attempt to kill him and WWX ultimately dies as result (yknow we cant say 'kill' because see he just helped JGS....just brought the most resources...just helped them plan but since he failed in landing the final strike it cant be called 'killed')

Like if at that point in guanyin temple, if he were to even begin saying 'I saved you back then' whats that gonna do? because nice? Good job? He also participated in killing him afterwards?

Whatever weight that sacrifice had, was nullified by his every action afterwards.

There's a reason that him keeping quiet about is considered an indication of his character growth, because he had the clarity.

Crisis Core (2008) | Platform: PlayStation Portable

This realization does happen early enough between the second and third book and thus gives us time to watch Damen react to his own changing perspective as well.

You can watch when Damen witnesses the scheming that Laurent's had to put up with, being framed for attacking a village, prompting retaliation, and even his efforts to find the real culprits being turned against him too. Damen is still a prince; he's not naive enough to not recognize that Laurent is facing opposition from almost every direction and has been forced to become a stone-cold bitch because everyone he's ever been kind to or relied upon has been threatened, killed, or systematically turned against him.

Damen sees the horrors of the border, where the people in Delpha are still Veretian at heart, no matter what someone drawing borders on a map says. He is heartbroken to see his own people happy to slaughter innocents just because of the feud between the kingdoms. Damen doesn't just become forced to rethink Laurent, he's forced to rethink Vere as a whole as well as his own ignorance of the things Laurent has been embroiled within for years now.

Damen is smart enough to comprehend what it all means, and he's strong enough to go through the existential crisis of admitting to himself that maybe he, and the way his father raised him, were WRONG. Damen is strong enough to let go of his pride and LEARN, and that's what makes him a worthy prince - as well as someone who is capable of falling in love with Laurent and having Laurent fall in love with him, despite Laurent's best efforts to hate him.

~Rant incoming as always~

And because I'm a Laurent lover myself:

When they are forced to get along in Prince's Gambit, you can see all the moments Laurent is shocked how hard Damen fights for him, how he doesn't escape or betray Laurent the moment he has the chance, and how Laurent really is weak to not just loyalty but competence. Damen absolutely can defeat him through sheer strength, even though Laurent has spent the last six years trying to prepare himself to kill Damen, and he doubts his own ability to outmaneuver Damen in a fight because he's blinded by his own inferiority complex that the Regent has instilled into him by force and that Laurent has to systematically unlearn.

Now, Laurent has to come to terms with the fact that if Damen's loyalties turn against him as well, Laurent's heart might not be able to take it either. Laurent is literally vulnerable to Damen in every way imaginable, and he's pissed. He covers it through sarcasm and banter, like when Damen admits he could grab Laurent and turn him over to Makedon's passing troops, but then is honestly relieved when Damen DOESN'T BETRAY HIM, AGAIN. Damen actually kills one of his own people by throwing a sword in a completely irrational maneuver, and you know Laurent is going through shit when you consider that he must think Damen only supports him because Laurent is just better than the Regent, the lesser of two evils, the spare prince that's only worthy because Auguste is dead...but maybe Damen also is just that good of a person.

Remember that Laurent isn't fooled by Damen's "undercover" identity for a second, so he's seething at the idea that Damen is the only one he can be honest with, if only because it's in Damen's best interests to not betray Laurent. He's coping with the idea that he and Damen would have absolutely gotten along if there wasn't this massive gap of them being from opposing kingdoms but also the matter of Auguste.

Once Damen's identity gets exposed and Laurent is like "Yes, I know, asshole, you're not exactly subtle", Laurent becomes a defensive bitch again for the first half of Kings Rising because the two of them really do have to confront that Damen killed Auguste and incidentally ruined Laurent's life. It wasn't personal, Damen had no idea any of that would lead to the other things - he had no control over the Regent's actions, and killing Auguste was just killing the enemy in wars they didn't start and didn't have the option to just sit down and talk about.

Damen trying to say, "He died quickly," and Laurent's immediate defensive reply, "Like gutting a pig?" OOOOOFF FUCK LAURENT THAT WAS MY HEART

Damen and Laurent beating the shit out of each other as Laurent tries to kill him, but he has to yield and admit he would have died if Damen wanted him dead, but Laurent saying he'd rather have just died never getting to know Damen as a person because Auguste was everything to him and dying would be easier than seeing how he and Damen could have gotten along only to be denied it. Then Damen ending the confrontation with, "I wish..." AND HE CAN'T FINISH BECAUSE HE KNOWS WISHING WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING

Damen KNOWS he ruined Laurent's life by killing Auguste but he also knows it wasn't personal to him, but it became MASSIVELY personal to Laurent. He regrets it, he knows he regrets it, but regretting won't bring Auguste or Laurent's childhood back.

The cherry on top comes as Laurent fights Kastor and Damen realizes that Laurent absolutely IS AND WAS skilled enough to beat Damen in a fight, he was just being held back by his own emotions (and maybe a knife wound to the shoulder) making him desperate and sloppy. Laurent killing Kastor essentially makes them even as they each took a brother from one another; on the one hand their fates were *necessary* to make Damen and Laurent who they are today, but on the other hand - at what cost?

Laurent being told by Damen that he's a worthy prince by the one person he thinks he can't overcome, in contrast to the Regent telling him he isn't worthy and trying to force him to admit that he can't overcome his uncle - when in reality Laurent IS able to overcome them both.

Ugh, the extras when we finally get to see Laurent acting like a young man who can let his walls down and grieve, who can mess around with flowers and put himself beneath someone he loves without fear, who can just start throwing olives into a barfight for the miniscule layer of chaos. I love him. Damen loves him.

Anyway so I have a fanfic that's half complete where I ramble like this throughout:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52964602/chapters/133982485

Thinking about how Damen does not even begin to comprehend the absolute life-altering trauma he caused Laurent by killing Auguste until like halfway through Prince's Gambit. Thinking about how their mutual dehumanization of each other led Damen to see Laurent as incapable of love or affection for anyone, he never even considers that Laurent loved his brother and was shattered by his death, never shows a shred of sympathy, his first assumption was that Laurent resented Auguste for being the golden child/crowned prince, and it's only when Paschal looks at him like he's crazy and says "no, he loved him." that he begins to realize the Laurent he's been experiencing is one that in many ways *he helped create* and that the purest form of Laurent was a sweet, shy little boy who loved his brother without a cruel bone in his body, he never wanted power or glory or anything, all he wanted was his big brother, and Damen killed that version of Laurent when he killed Auguste.

I think that is in part how Damen begins to come to forgive Laurent, or at the very least to begin to sympathize with him, realizing that in a fucked up kind of way, everything Laurent does to him, while still totally being first and foremost Laurent's responsibility and moral failures to atone for, is partially a consequence of his own actions, that he helped turn Laurent into the tangled ball of pulsating yearning in the shape of a man that he is.

I think realizing how wrong he'd been about the kind of man Laurent was, was what began his journey to coming to terms with the kind of man he, Damen, was at the beginning of the story. When he first meets Laurent he thinks he has him pinned and describes him as arrogant, self-absorbed, self-serving, spoilt, and "raised to overestimate his own worth", which in hindsight is definitely meant to be projection because those are all ways that Damen himself could be described at the beginning of the story, something he basically admits to at the end of Kings Rising when he reflects on the version of himself that existed before he was imprisoned.

"Even if it was a lie. I wanted Qianqiu to remember that his benevolence toward Xianle was reciprocated. To believe that doing the right thing will open endless paths. Not like now, where he thinks everything I told him and everything he believed in was all false, lies, and deception. That everything was fucking nonsense! I just...I don't want to see anyone go through what I've already had enough of."

But in the end, who was killed was killed, who was murdered was murdered. However just the reason, however compelling the reason, the truth was that he'd killed, with his own hands, an honorable king who had truly wanted to eradicate discrimination, as well as the last blood descendant of his clan in this world.

xie lian's breakdown in all its fucking glory