“I’m As Straight As This Ruler!”

He ate his friend. He ate his fucking friend

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse…

M: …

B: …

M: …

B: We skinned him.

M: …

B: We needed the leather!

How did he die?

Death.

"I'm not gonna finish that sentence for legal reasons."

"I got so distracted by lesbians I forgot the point of the story!"

"God is a pop culture icon."

"Daffodils; they're hiding something..."

“It’s not porn, one of them is on fire!”

“Zounds, ye whore!”

-Literally William Shakespeare

“He’s not Year 7 stupid, he’s Year 9 stupid.”

-My friend, describing her brother in Year 7

“Smells like science...”

-A girl, with a great sense of smell, literally walking into the science lab