“It’s Not Porn, One Of Them Is On Fire!”

“What a great six! Very sixy!”

-Me, not intentionally making a pun

I... I just saw a kid with a jar of Nutella. He just brought Nutella to school in his backpack and took it out in maths.

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse...

M: ...

B: ...

M: ...

B: We skinned him.

M: ...

B: We needed the leather!

“Vinegar and FUCK.”

“Nothing is ever romantic if one person involved is dead!”

“I would make a better Hitler than Hitler!”

-My brother

“Stop sending me memes!”

-My very frustrated computing teacher, who was definitely regretting telling us we were allowed to make memes

“Physically I’m here, but spiritually I’m in 15th century France being a lesbian.”

"Like, which part of this clusterfuck specifically?"

"Thank you for defending my honour, I'm the Loch Ness Monster."