Entry #6

Another one of the songs that I listen to relatively frequently. I find the melody very calming, which is one of the main reasons I am so in love with this masterpiece. The band it’s from, MISSIO, is very good in general... at least I think so. Of course, anyone is allowed to have their own opinion on this blog. Honestly, I just don’t care. I think more people should just mind their own business. For instance, why would you give a single floop if someone is part of the LGBTQ+? Just mind your own business. Why would you judge other people because of their hobbies, interests etc? Just mind your own business. I simply don’t understand why you would make your and someone else’s day worse by complaining about their taste in music, just because they listen to Twenty One Pilots instead of Panic!At The Disco, or like K-Pop more than Rap. I personally don’t like any of the listed genres or bands, but my best friend loves P!atd, and I respect that. Or, more acurately, I don’t give a damn. Wow, this turned from music to a rant about my class. They gossip about everyone and everything. They called me ‘‘EmO’‘ and ‘‘GoTh’‘ because I wore all black one day. To be fair, I also had on my dark blue lipstick. They even talk about each other behind their backs. If they are talking about me, they don’t even bother to hide it. for instance, I’m a slut, because I have more male than female friends. I just get along with guys better. They are funnier to be around, and the girls from my class are literally the ‘‘other girls’‘ that are being described by the r/notlikeothergirls-girls. They only talk about make-up, horses (One has a horse) and when they went shopping where. A girl from my spanish class though (I don’t know if I already talked about her), she’s really cool. We share our love for anime, Hamilton/Musicals in general, drawing, memes, music and a couple more things. I get along with her great, and there are a few more girls from her class that are really laid back and funny. They’re fun to be around, so it’s sad to say I only see them about twice a week... ah, this is already way too long. sorry and thank you for reading. I’ll see you around if you choose to stick with me. Goodbye :)

Entry #7

I started working out yesterday, and I kind of scheduled my days now. Until 5 pm: cleaning and free time, from 5-6 pm: working out, 6-7 (or 7:30) pm: cooking. I like my life more when it follows a schedule, since everything is planned through and nothing new comes my way. I need a structure in life, else I'll feel uncomfortable.

Pesto was just joking. He's not with her yet, but they get along better with every day. I'm really proud of him.

I started watching Boku no hero academia and Death note. They're good animes, I recommend checking them out someday.

I've got nothing left to say. Goodbye!

Entry #27, 12/15/19

Hey there! I’ve decided to make this blog a little more colorful, and be less... monotone, I guess you could say? I’m still the same old me, just with more fun writing and not trying to hold things ‘‘Sterile’‘ and boring. (You gotta be true to yourself! ^^)

Anyways! It’s been way too long since I last updated, and I am really sorry. I’m back home, yay? Nonetheless, I shall inform you about what happened in the last week there. (Luckily, I wrote most of it down in my diary, so it’s easier for me to give you a little summary! ^^) If this post gets too long, I’ll split it in two parts so it’s not as hard to read. :3

So... on the last day I updated, the 30th of november, I actually went swimming with a friend I made there after I finished the post. I went with the girl and her family, just so I didn’t have to go with mine ^^° It was okay, apart from the fact that I can’t really swim... We still had a good time tho, because the water wasn’t even deep enough to properly swim. (It went to maybe my neck, but not higher, soooo...) The day after that, I went into the city. On the way back to my ‘‘room’‘, a couple of younger girls from my group came up to me and asked about Raph. (>>Do you liiiiiikeeee hiiiiimmmm?~<<) I laughed it off, and when I said >>yeah, he’s a cool dude.<< they just skipped/ran away giggling. Isn’t that cute?~ XD

That night, just before I wanted to go to bed, a thought entered my mind. >>Since you hate your school/classmates so much, why don’t you just change schools?<< After I thought about it for a while, I started looking up gymnasium schools (the highest grade of school you can go to for middle and high school here in Germany, for the ‘’smart and talented’‘ kids. I’m still not sure how I was accepted XD) near my hometown. There were actually quite a few, even good ones, but one in particular caught my eye. I just recently found out that it’s a private school, but at the time I was convinced that it was the best choice I had. I didn’t know how to confront my mother about this, tho, so I just waited for the right moment.

The day after, everything was going like normal, until the ‘‘therapy’‘-thingy started. The theme of the day was ‘‘partner massage’‘, and guess who my partner was? That’s right, the one and only Raph. He was first to massage me (under the guidance of Yuri, the caretaker that always did the ‘‘relaxing therapy’‘), and BOY does he know how to use his hands properly! so there I was, laying in heaven, not wanting that moment to ever end... but unfortunately everything has to end someday. So it was my turn to massage him, and with my baby hands and shyness I barely pressed down on him. He told me to be more aggressive a couple of times, trying to make me feel confident.

He didn’t succeed. XD

I went on, trying not to hurt him or press the wrong spots, until... ah, I need to cut this off here. I’ll be back in a bit, seeya!

Entry #20, 2/10/19

Greetings. Today is the last day of school, now I have two and a half weeks for myself~ I can finally really start to draw way more, continue on chapter 3 and practice playing the keyboard! It'll be so cool... I already finished a drawing now. I've sat on it for about an hour, that's the most time I've spent on a single drawing so far. And yes, I was using a nude reference. Purely to practice anatomy, of course. (Imagine a smirk here)

I have downloaded Pinterest and Deviantart. I won't upload anything myself there, I'm only there for the fanart.

And that's about it. My life's pretty boring, I know, but something's bound to happen someday, right? Goodbye!

I decided to actually do publish it, because why not?

Entry #21, 22/10/19

Apologies for my inactivity. I was at my big sister's place, and for obvious reasons I had no time to keep you updated.

Now that that's all cleared up... I have news. I got alcohol markers today! (From Touch, if anyone's wondering.) They're my first ones, and I of course already tried them out. I'll show you the result in the following post, maybe I'll publish all the pictures I took (from sketch to shading). Depends on if I want to or not. I personally think it turned out alright for my first attempt, and the fact that I was kinda experimenting with the thickness of the fineliner and the darkness of the shadows. I'm actually surprised I got the sketch not to look like absolute garbage, unlike normally.

I've decided to question my friendship with Pesto. He made fun of my interests (especially watching Anime and reading Warrior Cats), always tries to make me stay in a call with him by saying

You're just going because you don't like me.

Even after I said I'm tired. I immediately thought of it as toxic behavior, but ignored it, not noticing how much I wanted to avoid any conversation.

Yep, that's pretty much everything that has happened.

I'll see you around!

-Mary

Entry #12, 9/1/19

Ah, if I'm here, I might as well... nothing has really happened. I've been at my therapist's. He told me to look around for some activities that include talking to people, since I don't really know anyone near me that I can talk to on a daily basis. I just don't trust my family members, or classmates. Nobody around me is to be trusted, they'll turn against me. I know that as a fact. They won't listen properly, and if they do they either make fun of me, or they don't try to help. They are not to be trusted.

Anyways. He (my therapist) told me, that I needed some human contact. In person. I don't know anyone around that likes me or that I like though,so that could get hard. I've decided I just take the compliments people give me. By that I mean I'll listen to my two best friends, I don't get compliments from anyone else.

Did I already let you know that I'd be getting away from my class, my problems, and almost everyone I know for a while? Just for about 3 or 4 weeks, but I'll be somewhere far away from my worries. I'll go to an island on the east coast, alongside my mother and sister. Fortunately, there'll be a psychologist, too, so I'll have someobe to turn to. I'm already saving up so I can give myself a bit of a luxury treatment, and I trust that it'll calm my nerves and make me stronger, at least for some time. My birthday is also in that time where I am gone, so I

Firstly won't have to worry about a party (even though I wasn't planning on celebrating in the first place), and

Secondly will be able to be all on my own that day. Sitting on the beach, watching the waves, listening to the calming sound of the sea... what an amazing picture. But of course, there could be rain on that exact day, or the beach is crowded, or, or, or. But I still hope it won't be that bad a day.

So, that's all I have to say. Goodbye, my friends, readers, and fellow humans. I'll see you around.

Entry #28, 19/12/19

Hello!~

So, how has your week been? I hope it was better than mine! I had to (re-)take three exams! One in English, one in biology and another in math today! I am allowed to retake the math one, because I wasn’t there when they started the new subject, and I am really glad my teacher understands that I need more time to study. (Especially cuz I’m stupid---) Anyways, enough from school. Let’s get to the school changing part instead~ So, I basically had to choose a new school to change to, because the other’s a private school, and that would miss the whole point of changing schools. Instead of a private school, I picked a public school near the other I chose before.

OH. MY. CHINCHILLA. Peeps, I just remembered that MCR will start their reunion tour tomorrow! I am absolutely THRILLED to hear the new album they’re definitely gonna drop soon, right? Of course they would. They’d give us all the best gift for Christmas that one could ask for. Right?

Ah floop, I just realized I still have stuff to do. I’ll see you soon!

The edgy emeow~

Entry #17, 9/15/19

Ah, my big sis just asked if we were home. I don't know why, I just kind of... get uncomfortable talking to her. It's more of a forced niceness, I don't really trust her... she's asking a lot of questions, too. I mean yes, it's okay to ask, but she's just so... blunt about it. And she wants to know everything. Not just some things, no, every information there might be. And I can't tell anyone near me about this because they'll judge me. ''She just cares about you'' ''stop being so sensitive'' ''she just wants to be up to date'', heard it all before. On other occasions, that is, since I never told anyone about this. And I feel way better now I got this off my chest... emotions are such a weird thing, aren't they?

I don't get the whole point of emotions. They say ''the positive emotions you feel make life worth living''. Does that mean my life isn't worth living? I mean, they don't bring anything but pain and suffering, right? Ugh, I'm such an uneducated potato when it comes to things like this... I just don't get the whole point. Think about it, then tell me what you came up with. I'm curious to hear what others think.

Anyways, to the events of the past few days. Yesterday and the day before that I was outside, for at least three hours each day. It was fun being outside, away from everyone. I went to the fields nearby, watched the sun slowly but surely set over the woods, it was just so... beautiful... I love that place, and I'll definitely go again some time soon!

That was all. Goodbye!

Entry #24, 11/20/19

Greetings. I am currently on the ‘vacation’ I told you about in the last entry. The journey yesterday was beyond burdensome. My sister didn’t want to help move the luggage and basically just pouted the whole time, because ‘‘It’S tOo HeAvY’‘, and my mother (whom I will refer to as Voldemort from now on) was just there, not doing anything about my little sister’s laziness. Apparently (according what she said) I was a lazy piece of sh- when I watched over the remaining luggage instead of helping moving it around. Most likely because she had to help Voldemort.

After our arrival, though, things have been pretty great. I/We have a ‘‘flat’‘ in the second house; it has a small bathroom (but still big enough to fit a shower, toilet and sink), a bedroom with two beds and a table, and a ‘‘main area’‘, where there is another bed, two cupboards and a table. All in all, it would be pretty cozy and great... if there wasn’t my mother packing it with tons and tons of stuff. She has a cupboard full of food, even though we get served breakfast, lunch and dinner, and has packed 3, I repeat, 3 suitcases for her alone.

>>one is for arts and crafts, one is my luggage and one is for your very thick clothing.<<, she said. I think now might be the appropriate time to inform you that I packed my own suitcase with everything I need. After all, I am old enough to pack my own clothes etc.

Moving on to today: I woke up at 6.30, went to have breakfast, then straight to the ‘‘school’‘, only to be greeted by about 15 kids under the age of 11. I did the only thing I could think of, and sat down at a lonely table in the corner of the room. Only a few minutes later, a kid sat down next to me and we just kinda started to play a random game. Soon after, another boy (about 9) sat down with us and just joined the game. The entire group then sat in a circle, and we started telling each other our names. I don’t remember many of them, but there was one boy that stood out. After saying his name, he stated that he would turn 14 in three days (just like me), and just said that he hates people. It was too relatable to actually be true. And as if that wasn’t enough, he also has a little sibling of his own gender (just like me #2). I don’t know his brothers name, though. Nor his last name. But I will hopefully find out soon. Why not stalk him a little, eh?~

Ah, it’s getting late. I will go to bed now, goodbye and goodnight you beautiful people~

Mary out~