Therapy Not Working. Need To Kill Someone.

carlton lassiter definitely has a sign at his house that says “trespassers will be shot. survivors will be shot again.”

it is also specifically addressed to a certain psychic detective who keeps showing up uninvited, bearing gifts of pineapples, despite the increasingly growing number of signs which don’t seem to do anything.

Planets according to Stargate:

Desert

Vancouver

Inside

i screamed loudly inside the theater

are we still going insane about thunderbolts bc I don’t wanna seem crazy

Shawn: Okay, maybe I messed that up

Henry: Uh, yeah, that’s apparent

Shawn: Actually, you’re a parent

Henry:

Shawn: Mine, specifically

New mood just dropped: Gus standing uncomfortably in the background while Shawn and Lassiter… manhandle each other?

don’t you just hate it when you’re looking up a character you love and all of a sudden google autofills “death” after their name? how about all those people that don’t tag their posts as spoilers? what about when you’re looking for good fics on a series you haven’t yet finished and are suddenly assaulted by “no beta we die like charlie bradbury”

i would like to propose a solution. let’s all collectively start googling “death” for characters that never died. let’s gaslight google into thinking percy jackson got hit by a bus. lets tag our fanfiction “alec hardison you live on in my heart.” let’s call our cousins and cry about shawn spencer’s tragic passing for forty minutes. let’s make posts about how mad at marvel we are for blowing up miles morales. let’s complain about how pointless and ridiculous it was for samantha carter to just randomly die in an explosion.

let’s confuse everyone so much that no one will ever know whether kaylee frye drowned in quicksand or whether ron weasley got tuberculosis or if luke strangled leia or molly hooper was burned alive or whether foggy nelson got shot in front of a bar

a meme

bonus:

Psych (2006) really is just "Hi, we're detectives with the police department, and here's this weird guy who follows us around. No we can't stop him. We like him. Also here's his best friend. We can't stop him either. We tried."

They really put the ha into hanging on by a thread

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I know Lassiter would like to think he’s reasonable, serious, and normal but his life to anyone else’s ears sounds so wacky and full of hijinks

We can bring up the small things like the fact he reenacts war battles, has mommy and daddy issues, or had a fling with a colleague, but there is also the facts that he works with a psychic, has so many guns in his house the police couldn’t find them all, had gotten in a relationship with a woman who is in jail after her brother tried to steal his blood, tap dances to relax and solve murders, set up a bomb on a car as a distraction for the mentioned psychic, has a murder- I mean suspect board in his own home, would plant evidence on his ex-wife’s new boyfriend, is pansexual, has encouraged his colleague to breakup with the twice previously mentioned psychic, has offered to set up that colleague with another woman in prison, refused to tell anyone about extreme amounts of blood loss, went fishing with Henry Spencer, has shot at a donut mascot after being drugged, gave colleague and psychic knives (not of the kitchen variety) as a housewarming gift, threw himself a party (banner included) for solving a case, cut the umbilical cord off of his boss’s baby, has chased previously mentioned psychic’s best friend through his apartment building with a sword after once again being drugged, immediately assumed he slept with the coroner, psychic, and psychic’s best friend after waking up from a night of drinking spooning the coroner, has gotten the nickname detective dipstick, is definitely a conspiracy theorist in a government cover up and apocalyptic kind of way, has the most glorious chest hair (not really relevant but I just want to bring it up), and is weird about his car.