Thesemidnightthoughtss - Midnight Thoughts

I can’t do this anymore. I hate myself so much, it’s suffocating me. It’s getting closer and closer to swallowing me and I just let it come.

I'm strongly starting to believe that life isn't meant for me.

Mental illness took so much away from me, sometimes I wish it would have taken my life as well

The worst feeling is having to hide your true feelings for someone because you know it’s better off that way

my entire life is just about trying to survive my mind but then again there are moments where i ask myself why i’m even trying so hard. there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is nothing worth staying for. why am i still doing this then? why am i still trying

I’m so sensitive and I feel things on such an intense level. I can’t do moderation. Pain and happiness is something we all experience, it’s a part of life . But there is so much more pain than the happiness. And that little happiness is no where near enough to mitigate the pain. And thinking that I have to fight this battle everyday for the rest of me life is exhausting. I can’t do it. I feel tired down to my bones. Talking myself out of killing myself everyday. Scared of triggers. Struggling to do basic things. Feeling hideous and unworthy of love. So much self hate. How can anyone do this for their entire life.

Can you please end this if you don’t want me? Because I can’t. I can’t do it. I won’t be able to forgive myself for ending it if we had a chance. And some part of me desperately clings to that tiny chance. Maybe it’s all in my head. I don’t know which it is. So please just do it. Because I can’t make sense of what you want anymore. It’s an earnest request, leave me if you want to.

Just put me out of my misery.

it’s scary how when i think of the future my mind immediately jumps to “youre gonna kill yourself soon anyways so you dont have to worry about it”