My First Heartbreak.

My First Heartbreak.

When I was in third grade, my mother decided that I should join ballet as a way to keep me distracted from what was happening with the divorce of my parents. I’m not sure what exactly made her think I would be interested in such a thing, back then I hated looking feminine in any way - and I mean it in a I-would-cry-and-throw-a-tantrum kind of way. But she did, and she dragged me along to every store that sold uniforms and ballet shoes and hair accessories and such, very much to my dismay. 

It was odd though, I frowned and whined throughout the entire process...until I was pushed into the classroom for beginner ballerinas. I don’t know what it was that stunned me into silence, maybe it was the fact that the teacher was so magnificently beautiful and I was too gay to deal with it; perhaps it was the amount of girls thrown in one room, all giggling and chatting away like a group of best friends even though the majority had only just met. All I know is that I loved the athmosphere around me. 

The ballet instructor, Miss Vazquez, was the sweetest woman I had every met, bless her soul. I was socially anxious, clumsy, and all-around awkward, but she didn’t let it stop her from patiently teaching me how to dance. I mean, to this day I have two left feet, but back then I had absolutely no body coordination. Still, each time I came remotely close to doing something right she would cheer and celebrate it like I was showing enough promise to become the next ballet legend. She taught me how to dance to the vibration of the music, since I’m deaf, and would always figure out new ways for me to improve. It came to the point where I convinced myself that I was in love with her, and that one day I would end up marrying her, when I was old enough. 

I became obsessed with ballet. I practiced any time I could; if you’d met me back then, you would have seen me scrambling to finish my classwork or test before anyone else and begging my teachers at school to let me practice in the halls while the rest of the class finished. It was unhealthy, but I wanted to impress Miss Vazquez. She had so much faith in me, she was always reassuring me that I could be as good as any other ballerina if I dedicated myself to it. Miss Vazquez always noticed the improvements, would always praise my efforts. It was like a drug that left me dazed for the rest of the weekend. 

Alas, it couldn’t last. The divorce of my parents were costing my mother a fortune, and she couldn’t afford to continue taking me to the ballet lessons. Not to mention that she needed to find someone to take care of my younger brother, who was a toddler at the time, and my grandmother was too sick to do it like she used to. So I stopped showing up. 

I never got to say goodbye, and I never saw Miss Vazquez again. We never recovered financially, so I was never able to continue dancing. It was the first time I experienced heartbreak, but looking back, it was a beautiful kind of ache. 

More Posts from Thesoftrainbows and Others

3 years ago

What made you guys first read Harry Potter?

I first read it because a girl I liked was a fan and I wanted to impress her 🙃 didn’t work, but now I’m stuck in this fandom heh


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3 years ago

Sirius Black Headcanons.

FAMILY.

Sirius Black is half French and half Japanese.

Walburga Black was the one born and raised in Japan. Orion, is the one that’s French.

The Japanese side of the family is suppressed, to be forgotten, as demanded by the Blacks.

Sirius only knows a little bit of Japanese thanks to the family outcast, Uncle Alphard. Regulus also learned, but he knows a little less.

Sirius and Regulus used to be the same reckless, bold child. They were always standing up for each other no matter the consequences. It was them against the world.

Sirius and Regulus were secretly close up until the winter holidays of Sirius’ fifth year. They were supposed to run away together, but Orion had held Regulus back. Sirius thought that his younger brother had simply changed his mind.

SCHOOL/FRIENDS/ENEMIES.

During his first year, Sirius refused to be associated with his own House. He didn’t want to further disappoint his parents, not to mention that a part of him believed the Black values.

It wasn’t until his second year that Sirius realized that perhaps his family was wrong.

By third year, slurs were eliminated completely from his mind and vocabulary and he was working hard to fully let go of everything he had grown up in.

DISABILITY + MENTAL HEALTH.

Sirius is completely deaf on his left ear. His family was embarrassed to have a son with a disability, so they instilled in his mind that it was something to hide.

During the first few years at Hogwarts, Sirius would exhaust himself while trying to read lips without people noticing.

It was frustrating and humiliating whenever he missed something and he was forced to asked the person to repeat what they’d said.

Even after his friends found out about it, Sirius refused to acknowledge it. He would not be known as a pitiful, disabled kid.

Classes were difficult, especially if the professor had the tendency of walking around the classroom. Sirius would sometimes copy the notes off of James without saying anything.

James always noticed but let him do it.

Later on, a fully deaf kid arrived at Hogwarts and managed to teach Sirius to somewhat embrace his deafness. (Kinda debating whether this should be a part of my fic or not, please let me know what you think).

Sirius also suffered from childhood PTSD, especially after he ran away.

He would wake up in the middle of the night in pure terror, but he didn’t scream because in his mind, he’s still at Grimmauld Place, and they would have his head if he screamed so late at night. He was all trembles and whimpers and sweat and tears.

Each of the Marauders would take turns consoling him.

When Sirius started dating Remus, it was always him who would come. Eventually, they would just cuddle up together on the same bed.


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3 years ago

This could have been so perfect🥲 Does anyone know what happened to the OP or if they have another account where I can find them?

LOGICAL HOGWARTS - WIP

So I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan. However whilst reading the series, one thing struck me above everything else - the way Hogwarts and the greater Wizarding World is seemingly set up just doesn’t make logical sense! Only one teacher per subject? With JKR telling us that there are approximately 1000 students at Hogwarts at any given time? 493 knuts per galleon? No Wizarding primary schools or higher education? So, me being the autistic Ravenclaw that I am, this took away from my enjoyment of the series. I needed it to make mathematical sense!

So I fixed it.

I have spend two years on and off coming up with a detailed overview of the school, from the number of total students and the male/female ratio, the number of students in every house, in every year, and how many could reasonably fit in one class at a time. Then I started on my class timetables. I had to appropriately plan every student’s schedule to make sure that no one had any overlapping classes, this ended up meaning manually writing down which subjects every student took and then sorting them alphabetically into classes based on the fact that I didn’t want more than 30 kids per class.

That still wasn’t enough though. I then had to figure out how we would get 1000 kids to school safely and efficiently, how we would sort them without making the entire school sit there for 3+ hours, how many professors would have to live at the school in order to provide adequate supervision for 1000 kids, a comprehensive list of school rules, an actual system of how many house points one would gain/lose…… I really dug myself into a hole and I couldn’t stop. In fact I’m still not done and I still can’t stop. There are SO many holes in this world.

Beyond this I have a whole alternate timeline that this whole thing is based on. Long story short, in my headcanon, the war ‘officially’ began with The Battle of the Department of Mysteries (which I have modernised to take place in June 2018) and ended in January 2020 with The Battle of Hogwarts, and then all students were required to repeat whatever year they were in during the war, because holy shit, the fact that they didn’t make any of them repeat a year after that mess is ridiculous. I’m surprised any of them even passed DADA with Umbridge!! Or that anyone accomplished anything the year Voldemort was literally in control of the school. Now I realise that modernising this story is probably an unpopular take - however I must stress how much I’m mainly doing this for myself so I can live out my Harry Potter fantasies in a relatable way lol. Feel free to ignore the modern times and just take my numbers to the original 90’s timeline if you’d rather do that than put yourself into the story like I do.

Also let it be known that I am in my 20’s and a mother of two… but my therapist knows about this and says it’s a HEALTY COPING MECHANISM…. soooooooo, guess I’m gonna just keep writing out this timeline and imaging what life would be like if I was 16 again woo! Anyway… Harry’s year would have to repeat Sixth Year. And believe me when I say the level of intricate detail in my alternate timeline is just wild. If you think I’m crazy for doing just this ‘Logical Hogwarts’ thing….. you don’t even want to see my alternate timeline. It’s wild. I’m way too invested in this. I’ve written over 30k words so far and I’m not stopping.

Also in my headcanon Hogwarts, everyone I like just lives because I’m doing this to escape my depression not to become even more depressed thank you very much! Snape, Lupin and Sirius Black all live and are put in a position where they have to run the DADA department together because, um, IMAGINE THE HILARITY!? Them hating each other, then eventually having to figure out how to work together? Reluctant forgiveness turned sincere apologies turned genuine friendship?? Also Remus and Sirius are so gay and Harry lives with them. Tonks has a different husband, they still both die and Teddy still exists. Harry is still Teddy’s godfather because of the genuine friendship he formed with Tonks. Dumbledore still dies. Originally he wasn’t going to but he just has to, I realised the story doesn’t work if he lives.

So, here we are. The second wave of Logical Hogwarts, re-vamped, rewritten in some parts, lots more added on! Two years and one more kid later! Feel free to take this for personal use or fanfiction or whatever, tag me or message me if you do I want to see your class timetable! Or if you want me to make you a class timetable I’ll do it!

(Disclaimer; I still look after my kids I promise. I just don’t sleep which is how I have time for this ;))

I’ve tried to make this as easy to read and navigate as I possibly can, so I’ve created a seperate page for every different aspect of this world. I didn’t like the look of the master post and scrolling for so long was overwhelming. So, here it goes…

Hogwarts student body (the numbers)

Hogwarts student body (the names) Hogwarts dormitories

Hogwarts prefects and head boy & girl Hogwarts staff & faculty Hogwarts School Rules (this was THE MOST fun to write) The Hogwarts Express (but it makes sense now)

The Sorting Ceremony (but it doesn’t suck now)


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3 years ago

You're one of the first people I've seen who write a HP rewrite with an Indian James Potter and specify where he's from in India. You said you headcanon him from Gujarat. I'm Gujarati and am interested in knowing why you headcanon him as so and if you have any specific headcanons

Hi Anon,

It’s such a shame that there’s not many people writing James Potter as Indian, I believe it opens the door to so many wholesome opportunities. However, I’m happy to be one of the few.

There’s no real reason why I headcanon him as Gujarati. I was sleep-deprived and already overwhelmed because I was studying like 5 different cultures, disabilities, and religions when I decided that I wanted James to be Indian. I think I just googled a map of Indian and blindly picked a place — which was Gujarat — and decided to do research on it to see if it fit my metal image of him. As I learned more and more about Gujarat, though, I fell in love and made it a permanent fact for my James.

I can’t, for the life of me, find the document on the Potter history I know I made. It’s been a while since I last touched it because I’ve been focusing a lot of disabilities as of late. But here are some headcanons I’ve developed, they might be vague or not specific to Gujarat. I’ll make another post once I find my doc.

JAMES POTTER HEADCANONS.

Fleamont Potter’s birth name was Pavalan Kashyap.

Euphemia Potter’s birth name was Thanya Gill.

They moved to England when Thanya was around six months pregnant due to a dangerous war happening all over India where hybrids (such as werewolves, harpies, fauns, centaurs, etc.) rebel against the Ministry as an attempt to get equal rights. Pavalan was afraid that the stress as well as the physical danger of the war would cause another miscarriage, so he contacted a former mentor (Giri Amin) to help him leave the country with his wife.

It was through Giri that they met Albus Dumbledore, who provided them with new identities (Fleamont and Euphemia Potter) as well as money and a home where they could live. They were now forever indebted to Dumbledore.

Their son was born, and they named him James Pavalan Potter — his official birth name — but they called him Jigishu (which was the name they had originally wanted to give him) at home because they wanted to raised their son to be in touch with his roots.

That didn’t go as planned, though. The racism against Indian people in England was strong. And poor James grew up surrounded by white kids who made fun of him for the way he smelled, his food, his skin color, etc. It grew to the point where James rejected his Indian side. It broke his parents’ hearts.

Throughout James’s school years at Hogwarts, James was always dealing with the constant need for approval. He needed to prove that he was equal to his white classmates.

It’s not until his 6th or 7th year that he finally accepts himself completely, and attempts to learn as much as he can about his culture and about his parents’ lives back home and such.

The rest of the Marauders & Co. were also thrilled to be included in the journey of learning about Gujarat, India.

When Lily and James marry, they have a big wedding, highly influenced by Gujarati traditions.

When Lily and James have their child, they name him Hari Pavalan Potter.

Hari, because it’s one of the names Vishnu used when he came to earth to restore the balance of the world. Pavalan, to keep his own father’s name in the family.

Those are the headcanons that come to mind at the moment. I apologize if it’s messy, it’s super late here and I’ve got a long day tomorrow. I’m gonna make a better post with my headcanons more organized and detailed.

Either way, thank you, Anon, for the message. If you’d like to help me out a bit, I’d really appreciate it!


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3 years ago

Harry Potter Rewrite: Religion.

The original Harry Potter series was heavily influenced by the Christian religion. I never thought it made much sense, so I decided to make it so that the majority (especially purebloods and half-bloods) practice paganism. They’ll have their own traditions and festivals and holidays.

There will be other students who don’t practice paganism, but that enjoy some of their holidays. So far, some of the students (in the Marauders’ Era, since that’s what I’m working on at the moment) who aren’t Pagans are:

1. James Potter—Hinduism

2. Peter Pettigrew—Atheist

3. Severus Snape—Atheist, but has Catholic leanings due to his muggle father

4. Lily Evans—Atheist, family is Catholic

Of course, other religions such as Judaism, Islam, and many more, will be included. I’m just currently doing my research on these religions so that I can portray them well. Any help or suggestion is welcomed.

Any thoughts?

3 years ago

Like if you don't remember something someone else might remember that sane exact thing very clearly

Also here's a random shower thought

"It won't be long before people use 'the '20s, the '30s, and the '40s' to describe the 2020s, the 2030s, and the 2040s."

Yeah. You’re right. I’ve thought about that a lot, actually. I have such bad memory, so it’s probable that a lot of people remember more things I’ve forgotten. There’s something so eerie about that, too.

As for your shower thought, shut up. I don’t wanna get that stab in my pride yet. I’ll leave that for the mean middle schoolers when I’m grey and old. For now, let’s pretend we never age and remain young and beautiful forever.

3 years ago

with the tags and search officially being completely broken on all platforms (no new posts are showing up in them anymore), now feels like a good time to remind everyone that the only way to help creators is to reblog their stuff. even before the tags were busted most people found new creators through their content being rebloged onto their dash, and now, at least for the time being, that will be the Only way to find and spread things.

Fast reblog is a thing, you dont have to leave comments, you dont have to leave tags, just reblog stuff if you want to keep seeing new content being posted to this site.

and as a final note, with this change likes are officially completely pointless for content creators. up till now they served to boost a posts placement in the tag searches (a post tagged #girl with 40 likes would show up higher in the search than a post tagged #girl with only 10 likes,)

[outdated. the glitch was fixed a few hours after this post was made ^^ still reblog stuff tho]

3 years ago
Introduction.

Introduction.

Hello, my name is Rio. I go by they/them, and am pan. I’m deaf, have been my entire life.

I write purely for fun, and I hope that one day I can share some of my original works. For now, though, I’ll be focusing on several projects I’ve been working on for some time within the Harry Potter universe.

NOTE: I do not, in any way, support JKRoach. I am a part of the fandom, anything that TERF says has no importance in my blog. Fuck her.

Introduction.

Harry Potter Rewrite.

I decided to rewrite the entire Harry Potter series. I’ll be fixing plot holes, diversifying, and overall bettering the story as I see fit.

I would love and appreciate it if you guys could help me out! Have any specific headcanon for any character? Let me know! Have ideas for an Era? Comment, Ask, or PM me!

I want to hear about any and all suggestions you may have.

NOTE #1: I used to identify as Anti-Snape, but I no longer do. I decided to interact with some Snape stans with an open mind when I made the choice of humanizing Snape. Now, I’m very neutral about young Snape, however, I won’t defend him as an adult. Hope that’s understandable. If you’ve got any headcanons on Snape as a young boy/teenager, feel free to send them over.

NOTE #2: Due to my personal headcanon that the Potters are Indian, I will be referring to Harry as Hari (I can elaborate on this, if you’d like).

Introduction.

Social Media.

I’ll be posting the rewrite (and maybe some other works) on Ao3 and Wattpad. You can subscribe and follow in the meantime.

You can follow my progress with the rewrite on my Twitter. I will be interacting with everyone there, and will be holding votes on different matters every Friday (ish).

If you’re looking to befriend me, you can follow me on Instagram and TikTok.

Introduction.

Progress on Writing.

Marauders’ Era: Rewrite.

Were the Marauders Really That Popular?

Humanized Severus Snape.

Sirius Black Headcanons.

Remus Lupin Headcanons.

Marauders Headcanons.

Introduction.

Lightning Era: Rewrite.

Harry Potter Rewrite: Help!

My Opinion on Percy Weasley.

Draco Malfoy, What Do I Think?

Introduction.

Next Gen Era: Rewrite.

Grandpa Arthur.

Introduction.

Overall Rewrite.

Harry Potter Rewrite: Religion.

Harry Potter Rewrite: Disabilities.

Harry Potter Rewrite: Google Form.

Harry Potter Rewrite: Is It Okay To Include Muslims?

Introduction.

Published.

Reasons to Stay: Book One.

Someone to Stay: Epilogue. (Wattpad || Ao3)

Someone to Stay: Chapter One. (Watt. || Ao3)

Someone to Stay: Chapter Two. (Watt. || Ao3)

Introduction.

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    cheezbot liked this · 3 years ago
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    thesoftrainbows reblogged this · 3 years ago

they/them | Anti JKR | Anti-Dumbledore | Gryffindor | HP Rewriter | Main Blog𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 ༉‧₊˚

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