I ⠀ Want ⠀ To ⠀ Be ⠀ Loved ⠀ More ⠀ Than ⠀ I Want ⠀ To ⠀ Be ⠀ Alive ⠀ .

what sucks is knowing that even if you ditched all your social media and fell off the face of the planet, no one would really care. it wouldn't get you the attention you desperately crave.

no one's gonna ask where you went or if you're gonna come back. no one's gonna ask if you're okay

they probably wouldn't even notice you left.

I just want to be important, too.

Just saying

pls don’t flirt with me i want to be nonchalant so bad but i unfortunately crave connection so intensely that i will give you my entire soul and forgive you over and over until i’ve lost myself completely and feel like i’m drowning

Always end up back here when I need to feel something

Knowing I’ll never have healthy, sweet, happy, long lasting love with someone is so painful.

I’m not worth it and you’ll figure it out.

You’ll realise it when I split, when I become distant and difficult, when I say I’m done then cry until I can’t breathe because you’ve actually left.

You’ll leave me for someone ‘normal’, someone easier to love and care for. Someone easier to be around. Not someone perfect, such a thing doesn’t exist, but someone that isn’t too far gone.

I’ll be too much and not enough for you in all the worst ways and I hate it. I hate that I can’t be loved. Worst of all I hate you for it and I don’t even know you yet.

Neglected children will sometimes go ‘okay time to dangerously deteriorate to see if anyone cares about me’ and then if nobody does, they don’t know how to stop deteriorating on their own, they’ll need help to pick themselves back up.

 And if that help doesn’t arrive, they’ll conclude ‘I was right to destroy myself in a world where nobody cares for me anyway, why should I live at all’ and it sets them on a miserable life path where all they see is chances for self destruction and proof of nobody caring, and from the very start it’s not their fault at all.

Because someone should notice when a kid starts losing themselves and step up and help. Children are not meant to know how to take care of themselves in an environment where they’re neglected, ignored and uncared for. Putting them in such an environment then blaming them for deteriorating is absolutely ridiculous. It takes paying attention and realizing when something is wrong and pulling a kid out of the black hole they’re falling into, before they can no longer crawl their way out on their own. 

It’s not acceptable to let children deal with abandonment and neglect all on their own, and expect them to not grow up miserable, resentful, struggling, and doing harm to themselves. It’s the same harm we never stopped them from doing when they were kids, when they needed to know that someone would care if they’re hurt. If we want functional and healthy adults in the society, we have to notice what is going on with the kids and make sure they’re helped in time. 

I never think it’s paranoia.

Bpd is not being able to love yourself unless someone else loves you, but never fully believing that they could actually love someone like you.