Thisfeelswrong - This Feels Wrong

when you finally reach that numb after the breakdown >>>

what sucks is knowing that even if you ditched all your social media and fell off the face of the planet, no one would really care. it wouldn't get you the attention you desperately crave.

no one's gonna ask where you went or if you're gonna come back. no one's gonna ask if you're okay

they probably wouldn't even notice you left.

There will always be someone prettier, wittier, skinnier, funnier, smarter, happier, easier to love;

and I cannot help but feel as though I will never be enough.

therapists saying you're surprisingly self aware is like being called a pleasure to have in class for adults

i feel like a doll sitting on a shelf waiting until someone wants to play with me in order to feel alive again

I've never been good with reaching out to people but I finally had my group and I thought that I had found my people

But then time after time as soon as there were other people there it was like I didn't exist anymore and I'm so fucking tired

Is it really so selfish of me to want to feel important for once

Like damn I do everything I can for these people and when I haven't reached out in over a week nobody cares

Nothing changes and they move on without me and then when I finally suck it up and go back because I'm a whore for any sort of attention no matter how fleeting they will act like it's just a silly little thing that I did

I can't stand being alone I can't be alone with myself anymore

But they make me feel so goddamn pathetic

i hate that BPD gives me such a lack of emotional permanence.

you can spend hours describing the ways in which you care about me, yet the moment you stop my brain will immediately decide you hate me and are destined to leave me.

Maybe what you need isn't someone to love. Maybe what you need is to feel wanted. Maybe what you need is purpose, because loving them makes you feel like your life is finally worth something. At the end of the day, maybe it isn't really about them after all.

I ⠀ want ⠀ to ⠀ be ⠀ loved ⠀ more ⠀ than ⠀ I want ⠀ to ⠀ be ⠀ alive ⠀ .

Once I learn how to stop being me it’s over for y’all