the tragedy of tumblr is you will inevitably meet people who you should be having a sleepover with. you should be rolling around on their floor and rummaging through their fridge and watching shitty movies with. you should be shopping with should be going out to a cafe with should be wandering through the aquarium with. people who you should be experiencing quotidian joys with... and you cannot! because they live one million miles away
Living with bpd means feeling like someone thrust their hand into your chest and ripped out your heart just because they looked at you wrong.
The sexual tension between my skull and the wall is absolutely insane.
i feel like a doll sitting on a shelf waiting until someone wants to play with me in order to feel alive again
please im so tired im just so fucking tired please just stop can everything stop im so tired im begging can it all stop
When you reach the point where your planning your suicide but still no one even noticed you were struggling in the first place <<
i hardly have any pictures of myself after the age of like 6 because nobody around me paid attention to me and when i became a teen i hated myself too much to take pictures, and i don’t even take them now as an adult. it makes me sad when i see pictures on social media of my friends hanging out and doing things, having photographed memories they can look back on.
me? i sit and rot in my bedroom, not going out and unable to look at myself without feeling disgusting.
Having bpd is literally the worst thing ever. A mood swing can hit you literally anytime any second of the day. You’re literally at the mercy of this fucking illness. Does it care that two seconds ago you were having an amazing time with your friends? No. Does it care that no will understand why you’re frowning and sitting in a corner when you were literally laughing two seconds ago? No. It doesn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone. Not one thing. It just consumes you. And makes you hate yourself for being like this because there’s nothing you can do about it. Nothing.
I'm literally in an abusive relationship with myself, I constantly belittle myself, and put myself in situations intentionally to be harmed.
TW: lots of dark and uncomfy topics but if you're here that's probably what you're looking for ... I hope that someday we can both find a way to be ok.... I don't care what that way is.... whatever finally brings peace 20 years old
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