“What If I Slept A Little More And Forgot About All This Nonsense.”

my mom: you have to find different coping skills than cutting

me: so how about not eating

Me going about my day normally

My brain: Damn, you should kill yourself

on winter and longing

Sarah Kay, Natalie Diaz, Craig Keenan, Clarice Lispector, Mahmoud Darwish, Brittany Cossette, Franz Kafka, Edvard Munch, Richard Siken, Haruki Murakami, Holly Warburton, Mahmoud Darwish

buy me a coffee

A New Beginning: Rambling #1

16th April 2022, 23:23

I don’t know why I have made this account. I mean, who even uses Tumblr anymore? Twitter is where everybody vents nowadays. I suppose that’s why it’s safer to vent on here; I doubt anybody will find me. Although, it’s not as though anybody is looking for me in the first place. It would be nice, I think, to be seen for once. It’s always the empathetic, pretty, upper middle-class girls that are noticed. What makes them so different to me? I don’t think I’m a bad person. I think of bad things, but I never say them outright. That’s what this account is for. This is where I can say my bad things, or the things I am truly feeling. I wonder how long I will continue this for. I’ve never been good at sticking at something for long.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

Appetite: Rambling #17

19th April 2022, 14:52

My mum said that I’m getting my appetite back because I ate chocolate after dinner. It was Easter chocolate. Easter chocolate that she had bought for me. What do you want me to do? Just leave it until the due by date has gone by? Chocolate lasts for ages. Plus, what’s wrong with me wanting a little chocolate? I’m definitely more of a savoury person, but it’s nice to have chocolate every now and then. Especially during the Easter season. Also, the thing people forget is that I never lost my appetite. I was always hungry. I just never ate. Food is amazing, but it’s also the bane of my existence. I feel as though my entire life is based around my food. Counting calories. Starving myself. Throwing up. Eating too much. Checking my weight. Reading mean-spo. I just want to be able to eat food without feeling like it is going to ruin my appearance.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

currently thinking which part i should cxt of myself

something mildly annoying about someone expressing emotions so much. be hollow.like me . wdym ur happy no ur not

Roleplay: Rambling #20

21st April 2022, 21:46

I think I know why I like roleplaying so much. It’s like I can escape into a different reality and become somebody entirely else. I can make friends and lovers. I can be in a fantasy world with powers and dragons. I can be the centre of attention. When I roleplay, I can switch of this prison of a world and forget all the horrible things that are happening to me. When I roleplay, I don’t feel so alone. I love the people I roleplay with, the ones that are genuinely good at writing, because they create these wonderful worlds and situations for me to be in. They give me an escape, and I’m forever grateful. I have roleplayed for many years and it has never gotten boring to me. I enjoy being loved. I enjoy being beautiful. I simply enjoy being.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

Psalm 58:6