Maybe I’m Supposed To Be Alone. But It Hurts.

I want to destroy everything. I want to ruin my life, smash glass bottles agaisnt walls, run away into the night and get in trouble, scream and yell at the top of my lungs, get into fist fights, and stand up for myself. I want to be so so angry and loud about how awful I feel that everyone realizes that I was never okay, and I was never going to be okay, and that they left me behind to suffer. But I'm too tired. I'm too tired to move, to think. I just want to lay in bed all day and ignore the world. I just slap on a neutral face and do as I'm told. I wish I could be so angry about how sick I've become, but instead I keep quietly to myself, and live another miserable tired day.

Slowly coming to the conclusion that no amount of love or reassurance can heal what has already been done to me. I seriously think I have met too many people in my life that fucked me up so bad, I simply will never be able to trust anyone anymore.

I may not be the prettiest or the smartest girl in the room, but I’m definitely the most mentally ill.

god complex? what's so complex about it. i'm a god, simple.

Energy: Rambling #11

18th April 2022, 02:12

Do you know what is really annoying? The random surges of energy that I can get. But, do you know when it is? It is always during the middle of the fucking night when I can’t do anything. Bake food? I don’t know how to work the new oven. Clean? The hoover would be too loud. Dance? My footsteps are heavy. Try on new clothes? My wardrobe door sounds like I’m dropping a nuclear bomb. I wish I had this kind of energy when I woke up and throughout the day, but when I wake up, I feel like I have been beaten up and had my head held underwater.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

It’s wild to me that I can get so overwhelmed that I can’t feel a literal knife cutting into my flesh

DEAD DOVE RP FINDER

Hello, as you can probably tell by the title, I am depraved and need my writing to reflect this.

CCXCC MXM ONLY

DISCORD ONLY

I would like to do something where our characters are extremely toxic for one another, but cannot stand to be away from each other. I’m talking real dead dove tropes here; think grape, kidnapping, stalking, non-con, dub-con, sewerslide attempts, self-knife (or mutual self-knife), age gaps, underage, illegal, drugs, drink, ABO, forced Mpreg, 1nc3st, everything bad you can possibly think of. If we do go down the underage/ABO route, I would prefer to be the underage/O character, however I would still prefer that both of our characters are switches as I believe this makes the plot more dynamic and interesting.

I’m currently interested in writing dead dove for these fandoms. The character I would like to write will be in bold:

Genshin Impact:

Kazuha x Scaramouche

Razor x Bennett (or anyone to be honest)

Xingqiu x Chongyun

Gorou x Heizou (or anyone)

Tighnari x Cyno

Yuri on Ice:

Yuri P x Otabek

Overwatch:

Hanzo x Cassidy

Hanzo x Genji

Like this post or send me a message and we can get to plotting something together!

When did "Suicide is still an option" become a comforting thought ?

Things that don’t make you a bad person:

Displaying “scary” symptoms of mental illness

Being diagnosed with multiple disorders

Having one or various personality disorders

Being diagnosed with NPD, BPD, or ASPD

Having very low empathy, or no empathy

Having symptoms that cause anger, emptiness, or paranoia

Having triggers or “strange” personal boundaries

Needing extra help or accommodations

Having intrusive thoughts about upsetting or scary topics