Repeat After Me: Cass Is NOT A Lamp Standing In The Corner Watching The Other Bats Do Funnies, She IS

everyone in the jla is shocked when a group of aliens bow down to billy as he's the champion of magic and they also use magic

When I got my appendix taken out: I was nine years old, in a foreign country and had to leave the hospital early in order to get on a plane even though I really shouldn’t be flying yet. It’s was fine, cannon event, it was character development.

What I’m trying to say is that Billy Batson does not deserve an appendix and should have it ripped out immediately

I spent two weeks wasting away on a couch watching glee. I remember none of it.

I want him to experience the superhero equivalent of that. Like, yeah when he’s powered up he’s fine, but will he remember to power up? Like, he shows up to a meeting two days late because he’s been delirious all week and doesn’t remember waking up.

I know we're all caught up in the euphoria of Tate Brombal's Batgirl run but I unfortunately have to remind you that at this very moment Tom King is giving us some of the most dogshit Lady Shiva writing ever.

Seriously, what is this? She wouldn't say that. You can tell this man has no respect for her characterisation in The Question (1987).

hey girl awesome pussy. it looks like it was expensive

Idea: Captain Marvel (Shazam) gets knocked so hard by magic that it sends his conscience spiralling into one of the past champions.

Captain Marvel just lying down in a massive crater: ow

Superman, rushing over to Marvel: Captain! Are you alright?!

Captain Marvel: *stands up and stares at this random blue man*

Superman, getting increasingly worried: What happened?

Marvel, looking down at himself and talking in a dead language: Yo, why am I a man????

Superman, looking rightfully confused at him not speaking english anymore: Captain?

Marvel, looking at his hands in increasing confusion: …why am I WHITE????

why would THE ra's al ghul care about that mediocre white boy

I think this perfectly shows what two thirds of Billy Batson-centric fanfics are

Gibving Billy a tummy ache because I have one and it’s lonely in ouchie tummy ville

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Billly: ouwch I have a tummy ache

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Tgis conclides my wonderful fanfiction, I hope you enjoured

I need a fic where Captain Marvel’s identity is found out and after a lot of arguing and debating, the Justice League is like “okay fine, you can be a hero as long as you have your parents’ permission”

And Billy homeless-orphan Batson, has to jump through hoops to convince all the adults that he has parents and they are fine with him being a hero

Fanfic writers PLEASE!!! I need Billy to have a situation like Tim drake when he had a fake uncle!

Mute billy

Wizard: “Say my name!” *closes eyes and raises hands*

Billy: *stares*

Wizard: *cracks one eye open* “Billy, say my name.”

Billy: *continues staring*

Wizard: “Billy??”

Somehow, The Wizard didn’t realize that throughout his entire speech about Billy becoming the Champion, Billy hadn’t said a word and just stared.

Wizard: “Billy… if you can speak, say my name-” *gets crushed by the stone thing*

And that’s how Billy went like a solid two weeks without transforming. By the end, he was teaming with magical energy so much so that he thought if he just moved to the wrong way, he’d explode. He knew you were supposed to say something, but since he couldn’t say anything, he had to find a way around it.

Billy: *walks into an alley and finds a piece of cardboard and scribbles the word Shazam on it*

Now, he was about to go back to the cave and see if he could just thrust the cardboard at the Wizard’s corpse and pray it will work. Unfortunately, it started raining halfway there.

Billy: *ducks into a different alley for a shortcut, and holds the cardboard above his head to block the rain*

Billy heard thunder, and then he was a grown ass man.

Zeus: ‘FINALLY! Sorry, kiddo, but I just took what I could get.’

Marvel: *confusion*

Solomon: ‘Billy, because you cannot speak, please just hold the cardboard above your head, so our friend- eh… colleague Zeus can see.’

And that’s how Billy gained the ability to transform. He went around being a hero and all that, he got to meet the Fawcett heroes and befriend them still.

Minute-Man: “Yeah, so I’ll take two scoops of chocolate.” *look to Marvel* “What do you want, big man?”

Marvel: *silence*

Minute-Man: *somehow understood his silence* “Right, and he’ll take a scoop of Rocky Road.”

They all developed a wordless understanding of the Cheese.

Then the bubble popped and Billy got to interact with people outside of the Fawcett heroes and Fawcitizens who were used to him being the big silent sunshine.

Marvel: *standing menacingly behind a Gothamite*

Gothamite: *slowly turns around, thinking they’re about to be bludgeoned to death by the next Bizarro*

Marvel: *points to their dog*

Gothamite: *now thinks their dog is about to be bludgeoned to death by the next Bizarro*

Marvel: *inches closer to the doggy*

Dog: *can sense its about to get pets and just loves it*

Gothamite: *confused as to why their dog isn’t literally whimpering in fear*

Marvel: *pets the doggy*

Gothamite: *confusion*

Marvel: *finishes, waves, and leaves*

or

JL: “Tell us who you are!”

Marvel: *just stares*

Spy Smasher: “His name is Captain Marvel, or Cap.”

Supes: “He couldn’t answer himself?”

Bulletman: “He can’t talk.”

Supes: “Oh.”

Batman: “That doesn’t answer who you all are. It’s not everyday a group of heroes just pops up-”

Spy Smasher: “SHUT THE HELL UP. We came before you kiddies!”

Marvel: *pats his shoulder looking at him like he’s crazy*

That was Billy’s way of saying “dude calm the hell down. Please.” Also, because Billy is mute, his face is extremely expressive. Marvel stared him into apologizing.

Spy Smasher: “I apologize for my outburst.”

in honor of valentine’s day, the best couple ever