Blackbeard: I Thought I Was Meowing Back And Forth At The Cats For The Last Hour.

[on a deserted island]

Izzy, in his journal: Day 1. Alone. Mentally sound, doing well. Met a crab.

Izzy: Day 2. I have married the crab.

Izzy: Day 3. I have eaten my wife.

Oluwande: Ah, yeah, the five love languages.

Oluwande: [points to Stede] My parents never told me they were proud of me.

Oluwande: [points to Lucius] I'm so fucking tired, let me rest for five minutes.

Oluwande: [points to Roach] I love stuff.

Oluwande: [points to Frenchie] Please pay attention to me.

Oluwande: [points to Stede] Touch starved.

Stede: Come on, Oluwande-

Stede: Why did I get two?

[planning to attack another ship]

Stede: So what's the name of the target?

Frenchie: The cat's name is Oreo.

Stede: That's not what I asked.

Frenchie: That's what I know.

Stede, after 3 minutes of silence: You don't have to use the chopsticks just to impress me.

Ed, trying to pick up his soda with chopsticks: I told you I got this.

[first day as a pilot]

Control Tower: What are your coordinates?

Ed: I'm by a cloud that's shaped like a lion.

Control Tower: Can you be more specific?

Ed: simba

Wee John: Roach just said 'I have an appetite for destruction' then leaned down and untied my shoe.

Stede: Okay, let's all actually sleep now.

The crew:

The crew:

Roach, softly: The snack that smiles back-

The crew: GOLDFISH

Stede: goddamnit

Oluwande: Frenchie offered me his drink because I mentioned I was thirsty.

Oluwande: I was not fucking expecting to take a sip of Baja Blast Mountain Dew at 7 in the morning.

[on the crow's nest]

Stede: This is where I come to cry.

Ed: What?

Stede, sweating: I said this is where I come to be a cool guy.

Roach: That's one of my biggest fears.

Lucius: What is?

Roach: If I ever, like, woke up as a donut...

Lucius: You'd eat yourself?

Roach: i wouldn't even question it