Lucius, Holding The Door Open: After You.

Stede: Let's talk about some of the emotions you may be feeling right now.

Fang: Stabbing.

Stede: Stabbing is more of an activity.

Stede: That I hope you don't do to me.

Fang: Comin' outta my cage and I been doin' just-

Izzy: FUCK

Oluwande: Tell me your wildest fantasy.

Jim: I'm on Wheel of Fortune and I spin the wheel so hard it lights on fire.

Oluwande: I meant like-

Jim: Everyone claps.

[on the crow's nest]

Stede: This is where I come to cry.

Ed: What?

Stede, sweating: I said this is where I come to be a cool guy.

[first few episodes]

Blackbeard: Any word about Bonnet and his crew?

Izzy: They found a dollar on the ground and almost killed each other because there was a vending machine nearby.

[introduction to the crew]

Stede, to Ed: Basically, the policy here is: if you SEE something, SAY something.

Roach: I saw a frog.

Stede: OUTSTANDING. This is what I'm talking about.

Stede: What's with the napkin on the glass door?

Oluwande: The Swede keeps walking into the door, so I thought this would help.

The Swede, entering the room: Oh, wow! A floating nap-

The Swede: [walks into the glass door]

Stede: Sometimes, people ask me how I manage my crew so easily. The answer is, I don't.

Stede: Yesterday The Swede called me into the kitchen and when I got there, Roach shot me in the throat with a Nerf gun.

Blackbeard: Gotta keep it profesh, you know?

Izzy: Yes, because that's what all professionals do: they call it 'profesh.'

Mary: What do you want to be for Halloween, Stede?

Stede: Loved.

Mary: don't do this