Blackbeard: Gotta Keep It Profesh, You Know?

Lucius: I have an empty notebook and no idea what to put in it. Any suggestions?

The Swede: Put spaghetti in it.

Lucius: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone except you.

Roach: Put spaghetti in it.

Lucius: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone except-

Frenchie: Put spaghetti in it.

Lucius: I am current-

Wee John: Put spaghetti in it.

Lucius: i am not longer taking suggestions

Lucius, describing Stede to a store clerk: He's about this tall, blonde hair, dark eyes.... [raises voice] and he looks horrible in teal!

Stede, from the wine aisle: NO I DON'T

[first day as a pilot]

Control Tower: What are your coordinates?

Ed: I'm by a cloud that's shaped like a lion.

Control Tower: Can you be more specific?

Ed: simba

Jim: I'm not a bad guy!

Jim: It's me! [rips off disguise]

Oluwande, who helped them into the disguise: [gasps in shock]

Oluwande: Oh, right, I forgot for a second.

[playing Among Us]

Frenchie, the Imposter: It's Pete!

Pete: What?! I was with Lucius the whole time!

Lucius: It's Pete.

[introduction to the crew]

Stede, to Ed: Basically, the policy here is: if you SEE something, SAY something.

Roach: I saw a frog.

Stede: OUTSTANDING. This is what I'm talking about.

[group chat]

Black Pete: I'm tired of all you fake Ratatouille fans thinking the rat's name is Ratatouille.

Frenchie: Please, I only said that once.

Jim: It's 3AM. Fuck OFF.

Lucius: Pete with the right opinions as always.

Stede: THE RAT'S NAME ISN'T RATATOUILLE?!

[Stede has been removed from the chat]

Black Pete: I've had it.

Blackbeard: I thought I was meowing back and forth at the cats for the last hour.

Blackbeard: Turns out, it was just me and Stede meowing at each other back and forth from different parts of the ship.

[planning to attack another ship]

Stede: So what's the name of the target?

Frenchie: The cat's name is Oreo.

Stede: That's not what I asked.

Frenchie: That's what I know.

Ivan: We gotta distract these guys.

Izzy: Leave it to me.

Izzy, to the Revenge Crew: Centaurs have 6 limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

The crew: [immediately starts arguing]