Oluwande: Almost Hit Buttons With My Car Today. I Was Pulling Up To The House And Apparently He Didn't

Black Pete, standing on the dinner table: This place has gone to HELL!

Stede, to Ed: He does this once a week.

[group chat]

Black Pete: I'm tired of all you fake Ratatouille fans thinking the rat's name is Ratatouille.

Frenchie: Please, I only said that once.

Jim: It's 3AM. Fuck OFF.

Lucius: Pete with the right opinions as always.

Stede: THE RAT'S NAME ISN'T RATATOUILLE?!

[Stede has been removed from the chat]

Black Pete: I've had it.

Stede: Oh, the sweet irony of his death. He was designed for this life- yet never meant to endure it.

Ed: What happened?

Stede: i dropped a goldfish cracker in the bathtub

Stede: And now it's time for some witty back and forth banter!

Izzy: [screams with rage]

Stede: I don't know where to go with that.

Stede: Let's talk about some of the emotions you may be feeling right now.

Fang: Stabbing.

Stede: Stabbing is more of an activity.

Stede: That I hope you don't do to me.

Izzy, Fang, and Ivan: [arguing]

Blackbeard: [slaps arm on the table] WE ARE IN A GODDAMN IHOP. ACT LIKE IT.

Lucius, describing Stede to a store clerk: He's about this tall, blonde hair, dark eyes.... [raises voice] and he looks horrible in teal!

Stede, from the wine aisle: NO I DON'T

Stede: I think you're still suffering from the effects of the party last night.

Ed: All I drank was Redbull!

Stede: How many?

Ed:

Ed: Eighteen.

Stede: What are you doing?

Frenchie, taking a Buzzfeed quiz to see what kind of Poptart he is: work

[first day as a pilot]

Control Tower: What are your coordinates?

Ed: I'm by a cloud that's shaped like a lion.

Control Tower: Can you be more specific?

Ed: simba