Stede: I Think You're Still Suffering From The Effects Of The Party Last Night.

[Izzy and Lucius reaching for a burger at the same time, their hands touch, their eyes meet]

Lucius: Hey, this is kinda gay-

Izzy: Get the fuck off my McDonald's.

[at the store]

Ed, getting ready to pay: Is it a swipey swipe?

Stede: No, it's a chippy chip.

Izzy, behind them: UGH

Izzy, Fang, and Ivan: [arguing]

Blackbeard: [slaps arm on the table] WE ARE IN A GODDAMN IHOP. ACT LIKE IT.

[first day as a pilot]

Control Tower: What are your coordinates?

Ed: I'm by a cloud that's shaped like a lion.

Control Tower: Can you be more specific?

Ed: simba

Izzy: Edward, we've been looking all over for you. You can't just leave a sign on your desk that says "gone leavin'".

[introduction to the crew]

Stede, to Ed: Basically, the policy here is: if you SEE something, SAY something.

Roach: I saw a frog.

Stede: OUTSTANDING. This is what I'm talking about.

Stede: What's with the napkin on the glass door?

Oluwande: The Swede keeps walking into the door, so I thought this would help.

The Swede, entering the room: Oh, wow! A floating nap-

The Swede: [walks into the glass door]

Black Pete: If you ever see me re-parking 500 times, mind your own business.

[on the crow's nest]

Stede: This is where I come to cry.

Ed: What?

Stede, sweating: I said this is where I come to be a cool guy.

Oluwande: Frenchie offered me his drink because I mentioned I was thirsty.

Oluwande: I was not fucking expecting to take a sip of Baja Blast Mountain Dew at 7 in the morning.