I Don't Like Living I Want To Sleep I Want To Be Put Into A Coma Until My Body Eventually Rots And Decays

I really need a fic of this

Aaand number 1 is a sorta crack au post?

Au: Everyone’s a Regressor!

- Just what the title says. Everyone (except the villains ofc) is a regressor. Including Cale. Who just happens to be a regressor, transmigrator, and reincarnator. Basically the same plot of Cale lived his first life in tboah and then reincarnated as krs before regressing and transmigrating into his original body after dying as krs. Plot twist though, most everyone else is also a regressor and he has no idea. He has memories of his first and second lives. Including the novel he read before he died, and doesn’t know why everyone is acting so different from what he knows!

- Why is his family being so nice and talking to him?! Why is Ron giving him so much lemonade?! Why does that Punk Choi Han act like he knows him already?! He and Ron and Beacrox know each other?! When did they meet this early?! Who are all these people in his house?!

- Okay? So his father is reinforcing the walls and they are making a navy in the Ubarr territory??? This is great. The heroes and his family are preparing for the war and he doesn’t even have to lift a finger!

- He does still carry out his plans though. Getting the ancient powers, saving Raon and coincidentally finding On and Hong, and helping Taylor and Cage. Speaking of which, Taylor stops his search for the vitality of the heart and just relaxes in Puzzle city with Cage for a bit before they meet Cale. Of course, the god of death still tells Cage abt the benefactor, who was not present in their past life. Cage is shocked to hear from the one who abandoned them in the last life, but still listens to him for Taylor’s sake.

- Deruth doesn’t want to send either of his sons this time, but he is shocked when Cale offers to go. Despite both his parents and Basen trying to deter him, he convinces them to let him go. They agree, only because Choi Han and the Molan duo will accompany him. Deruth doesn’t like the idea sending the person who beat his son to protect him. Much less the ones who betrayed his son to go off and play hero with the offender; but he knows how strong they are. If anyone can keep Cale safe, it’s them.

- Choi Han doesn’t hate Cale, but he doesn’t really like him either. He’s come to respect the younger during the time they spent as allies during the war, but the Cale right now hasn’t faced his future tragedy yet. He’s still young and immature, and acts like trash….right..? Wait- not right?! What is with this kid? Why does he act so different from before?! By all means, he should still be trash, soo why is he acting completely different from their past life? And why does he know things he shouldn’t know at this point in time? Or any point in time for that matter?

- He doesn’t seem to remember their life before, so why is he acting so strange?

- Cale is just trying to make it seem like he doesn’t know half these people so he won’t look suspicious, but why is everyone acting like they know him? He knows he’s never met the crown prince in this life, so what’s with that melancholy look?

- Meanwhile, Choi Han is just trying to find a way to find Rosalyn and Lock without seeming too suspicious. Luckily, Cale sent him away first.

- The vow of death never happens.

- “ I can’t tell you everything, but I can share two truths.” “Oh, there’s no need Cale-nim. I trust you.”

‘Wha..? How can you trust me? We’ve only known each other for a few weeks.’ “Don’t you want information on that secret organization?”

“It’s alright, Cale-nim. I’m sure we’ll run into them again soon.”

‘This punk…Does he know something?’ “Choi Han, do you know something about them?”

‘That’s not possible. Choi Han should have only encountered them once by this point.’

“No. I. Don’t. Know. What. You. Are. Talking. About.” ….

‘Was Choi Han always such a bad liar..?’

- Cale doesn’t get the annual rings right away. Why? Idk, consistency with Tcf plot?

- Everyone knows that everyone has regressed except Cale. Bc it’s funnier that way.

- So we got all his family members tiptoeing around him, trying to see if he remembers but also trying not to jog his memory if he doesn’t. They know the last life hurt him and they don’t want him to have to carry the burden of their deaths. (He does. And he’s not gonna make the same mistake twice).

- The Radish is still a hassle to deal with. Obviously they didn’t see all his powers from the last life as they were completely overwhelmed by the enemies, but with Cale’s help and their experience from the past, they are much stronger and more prepared. By the time the Indomitable alliance comes to the Henituse territory, there are even more secret weapons coming out of the woodworks. Seriously, the enemies are so confused. So is Cale. So is everyone else. Clopeh never stood a chance. It’s like the pointing Spiderman meme. And the enemies are a bonfire in the middle; being reduced to ashes while everyone else is being stunned by each other’s collective strength.

- The only enemy they have a bit of trouble with is the White Star. Not because he’s too strong, no, he’s already no match for Choi Han, Rosalyn, and Lock fighting against him altogether, but with the aid of Eruhaben, they now know that he’s a reincarnator. They have no idea how to kill him for good.

- So basically, they keep encountering him and injuring him further while trying not to actually kill him. Of course, that’s not to say that the rest of the WS allies are a joke, rather, they are just slightly challenging as literally everyone in the two continents speed runs getting stronger to prepare to combat his forces.

- To make it even more fun, none of the enemies retain their memories. Also, the citizens are random on who has memories of their past. Some do, some don’t. It creates chaos.

- Adventurer Bob remembers his past life where he died on his first adventure. He doesn’t know how he came back to the past, but he’s determined to use his knowledge of the future to his advantage! (What knowledge? Bro literally died on his first expedition).

- A middle aged baker in Rain City vows to live his life to the fullest this time! He’s going to build a Wyvern bunker! He’s going to save up funds! And he’s going to make up with his daughter who ran away to become a sword master! He’ll support her all the way this time. They may not be enough, but even if she doesn’t reach that level, who is he to stunt her only chance at survival in the upcoming war?

- Rookie Knight Jeffron has had quite a strange day. He woke up only to hear three of his comrades spouting nonsense about wars and fire and wyverns..? Just what is a wyvern? Must have been quite the nightmare. Psssh! As if! The Henituse territory would never fall to enemy soldiers! And attacking from the sky? Yeah right! What’s next? The Sun god accepts the darkness attribute? Hah! Jokes these days…

- Really, half the city seems to have had too much to drink. Or too little…? What has happened to Young Master Cale?! Some citizens could have sworn he had still been trash in the past. So what has happened to make their young master change so much? He doesn’t seem like he remembers? He doesn’t…right?

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' wants to be invited to the party!]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' says that they will make a cake!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is looking at you!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist has something to announce!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is with child!]

I- Huh??

(He looks super confused.)

He's so cute little rat 🥺

Since you all loved my pigeon Nikolai art so much, here's rat Fyodor :)

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is thinking]

[you could cut one of my avatars up and turn that into the filling? (・・)σ]

[don't worry even though the avatars have blood, bones, organs and flesh they can't really feel pain! (⁠ ^▽^ ⁠)]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' greets you]

[I saw an anon get turned into a dumpling! can you turn me into a dumpling as well? I'll pay you! ₍ ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ ₎]

[also hi! (๑╹ヮ╹๑)ﾉ”]

...

I did not turn anon into a dumpling.

I sold anon the dumpling.

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is thinking]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' says that they have a footage of Constellation 'Lord Of Eternal Rest' getting beat up with a broom by Wanderer 'Choi Jung Gun' that they can use as payment if you want!]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' says hi!]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' says that they might have changed their mind about not bothering you]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is asking if they could ask for your brother's kimchi recipe]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is looking at you with pleading puppy dog eyes]

//is krs named roku henituse here?

Yeah no.

You ain't getting near that loser.

//yes

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' pouts and disagrees]

[of course I can! You just have to slice them up and bash them up real good ( っ`-´c)]

[but well I don't really like the skin of tomatoes so I'd probably skin it first before that (⁠´⁠ー⁠｀⁠)]

[then I'll put the tomato in a big pot! And add water and salt and some more stuff to make soup! ˶╹ꇴ╹˶ ]

[then I'd make scrambled eggs with the extra tomato bits! It's very tasty! ✧ (◍˃̶ᗜ˂̶◍)✩]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' sponsored 200 coins]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is cackling at the scene of Incarnation 'Kim Dokja' being scared of the eldritch tomato]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is taking photos]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' thinks this is hilarious]

(He just shakes his head, sighing in exasperation.)

Why don't you try being chased by an eldritch tomato??-

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' sweatdrops]

[it won't fight back if that's what you're asking? (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)ゞ]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' greets you]

[I saw an anon get turned into a dumpling! can you turn me into a dumpling as well? I'll pay you! ₍ ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ ₎]

[also hi! (๑╹ヮ╹๑)ﾉ”]

...

I did not turn anon into a dumpling.

I sold anon the dumpling.

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is offended]

[if you're average then what am I? a cockroach? (￣■￣;)!?]

[also your K-pop Idol pretty at worst! And God level pretty at best! ٩( 💢•̀ з•́)و]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' sponsored 200 coins]

[I just heard about the kiss and eeeeeek- it's sooo cute! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is squealing and kicking their feet like a schoolgirl]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is excitedly asking when will the wedding be]

(His face goes bright red.)

Wedding?? There will be no wedding-

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' nods]

[I guess that's true (⁠٥⁠↼⁠_⁠↼⁠)]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' tilted their head]

[you think we should end the date here? (?・・)σ]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' sponsored 200 coins]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' heard that you went on a cafe date with another constellation]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' wants you to go on a date with them too!]

(He blinks before shrugging.)

Sure, I guess everyone's going out with me.. Where did you want to go?

[you're very mean]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' doubts you're very well liked with how mean you are]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is waving hello to Constellation Foolish Lurker!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is grinning and insists that they will do as best as they can as a parent, and that it will be difficult, but worth the struggle if it means the egg can grow up happy and healthy!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is asking if Constellation Foolish Lurker is willing to be their coparent, if they are so obivously worried about the egg!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is looking at Constalation Observer of Lifetimes!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is looking at a particular eye with curiosity!]

Observer, how is it that your little eyes seem to have no mouths and yet still find the capacity to talk sh--

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is being dragged away!]

You constellations never stop fighting, do you..