Sedang Asyik Menikmati Keseloan Yogyakarta, Tiba-tiba Dapat Kabar Bendungan Hilir (Benhil) Terkena Banjir.

Semoga kita mencintai dengan berani

Kayaknya aku capek deh... I am feeling overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed karena kok request nggak pernah abis, overthinking, dan nyinggung time managementku :(

Miss you :(

1919

Jadwal nontonku pukul 20:25, tapi aku ingin segera pulang dari kantor.

Aku merasa tidak enak bila harus bertemu teman-teman kerja yang sebagaian besar pria.

Selain tak cantik, aku tak pandai. Aku gemuk dan aku nggak bisa nerima candaan mereka yang kadang vulgar.

Aku tidak nyaman.

Apa jadinya kalau aku lebih kurus dan lebih pintar?

Apa jadinya kalau aku berkontribusi dengan punya bakat yg lebih?

im your emotional sponge

i met a girl from Bandung, named Tami. We had a good convo (i think good here bc she could absorb my feelings)

"you are a very emphatic person. Be cautious it can be your own weakness".

Somehow it's true.

And also I expect a person can respond to me as much as I do to them effortlessly. Her name is Kharis, I owe her an apology. I used her to be my emotional sponge bc she fell in love with me. it never be wise to take her for granted. I was toxic to her. She's a pure soul and deserves love (hopefully she finds someone who treats her right). If we ever meet again in another life, i won't mind being her soulmate.

let's go back to the main topic. being an emotional sponge to others means you have the skill to acknowledge their feelings. im unlearning that everyone's feelings matter since in this cruel world, boundaries should exist. you should be able to distinguish whether things are tolerable.

i am completely done with accepting that being compassionate is not a sin. i have to put in "right" amount, dont I? wont blame my placements (yes, my sun - moon - risings are all water signs), this is something i can manage to.

Here a good tip for an emotional sponge like me:

"Visualize A Glass Wall

There are a number of techniques that you can use to keep other people’s energy separate. One technique includes visualizing a glass wall between yourself and the other person. The glass wall allows you to see the other person’s emotions. However, the emotions are not able to penetrate the wall. When they hit the wall, they bounce back to the other person, not to you. You can see and acknowledge the feelings, but you do not absorb them. This technique can work in large crowds as well. You can picture yourself surrounded by a glass wall as you move through the crowd. Although you may notice their energy, you do not have to take it on as it cannot get through the wall."

Please check here if you need guidance: https://keirbradycounseling.com/empath-and-absorbing-other-peoples-emotions/

Uneasy Sunmor - Fear

Aku selalu ketakutan:

Kalo aku harus stuck di lingkungan kerja yg nggak nyaman

Kalo aku nggak dapat the one karena social pressure dan membuat pikiran kalem di tengah malam tuh susah banget

Aku nggak punya waktu cukup

Aku kekurangan perhatian dari orang2

Aku nggak punya uang

Aku kena kanker dan penyakit serius lainny

Menjadi beban bagi orang lain

Kehilangan orang tua

Sayang, aku hanya ingin menyayangimu secara sederhana. Aku ingin bebas lepas mengungkapkan betapa aku mencintaimu. Tanpa harus takut akan masa depan.

Percayalah sayang aku sedang melawan keraguanku. Aku sedang berusaha untuk lebih percaya diri. Aku yakin pantas mendapatkan ini semua. Tolong tunggu sebentar. Tolong. Aku akan berusaha lebih keras lagi.