Dear Vicky,

Good morning, Vicky.. It's already a month you've been here. Here are things you accomplished:

☑️ Your nose "treatment"

☑️ Submitted articles, even though all of them rejected

☑️ Succeeded on time blocking, and now you are maintaining the habit

☑️ Applied for jobs, but you decide to keep going. Nice. Do not give up. Do your best.

☑️ Became a less jerk person.

After all, you've learned that:

Keep going!

“Aku memilih untuk bertanggung jawab yang sudah aku mulai.”

— Moi

Aku bisa jadi tim account kalo aku pede dan punya pengetahuan cukup.. aku ingin berubah

Impianku

Kerja di luar negeri masih menjadi career woman

Berpakaian chic atau business woman dan memakai tas bermerek, namun bila itu bukan brand terkenal aku gak masalah

Memancarkan energi yang intimidatif namun bersahabat

Heading to 30 #1

Semoga aku bisa jalan2 ke luar negeri

Bisa ngasih duit lebih banyak ke Bapak Mama

Punya sumber penghasilan lebih dari 1

70 kg

Punya badan sexy sampe memuja diri sendiri

Punya keluarga sendiri :) Suami aja cukup

Rambut tebel!

Childhood Memories

Dulu aku pernah ikutan lomba Bahasa Inggris pas SMP, terus aku nanya2 ke temenku gitu kan. Lalu dia bilang,

"Vic, kamu nanya ke aku yg mana sainganmu lho?"

Aku merasa naif.

Sekarang aku merasakan hal sama. Aku nggak suka ketika aku harus berbagi dokumen yang sebenarnya klien kita sama. Aku nggak mau dokumen itu digandakan sama orang-orang yang gak berkepentingan

im your emotional sponge

i met a girl from Bandung, named Tami. We had a good convo (i think good here bc she could absorb my feelings)

"you are a very emphatic person. Be cautious it can be your own weakness".

Somehow it's true.

And also I expect a person can respond to me as much as I do to them effortlessly. Her name is Kharis, I owe her an apology. I used her to be my emotional sponge bc she fell in love with me. it never be wise to take her for granted. I was toxic to her. She's a pure soul and deserves love (hopefully she finds someone who treats her right). If we ever meet again in another life, i won't mind being her soulmate.

let's go back to the main topic. being an emotional sponge to others means you have the skill to acknowledge their feelings. im unlearning that everyone's feelings matter since in this cruel world, boundaries should exist. you should be able to distinguish whether things are tolerable.

i am completely done with accepting that being compassionate is not a sin. i have to put in "right" amount, dont I? wont blame my placements (yes, my sun - moon - risings are all water signs), this is something i can manage to.

Here a good tip for an emotional sponge like me:

"Visualize A Glass Wall

There are a number of techniques that you can use to keep other people’s energy separate. One technique includes visualizing a glass wall between yourself and the other person. The glass wall allows you to see the other person’s emotions. However, the emotions are not able to penetrate the wall. When they hit the wall, they bounce back to the other person, not to you. You can see and acknowledge the feelings, but you do not absorb them. This technique can work in large crowds as well. You can picture yourself surrounded by a glass wall as you move through the crowd. Although you may notice their energy, you do not have to take it on as it cannot get through the wall."

Please check here if you need guidance: https://keirbradycounseling.com/empath-and-absorbing-other-peoples-emotions/

Let’s lead with kindness, Vic

Subuh2 overthinking

the problem is I'm craving for men's attention... I always see myself as a whore.

Being surrounded by men makes me feel secure and...wanted

Alongside, people who do not reciprocate my feelings are more attractive than those who do otherwise.

I'm that ungrateful girl as I'm still seeking other men (or women) while I have one who is willing to accept my true self.

the issue here lies between I need external validation and i love being the center of attention

I love it when ppl say I'm pretty, a good kisser, the goddess on the sheet, a motherly figure, smart or independent. they define my self-worth. however, it comes to my subconscious mind that - sadly - I'm attempting to fit men's conventional standards. You can guess where I lead to be? yes, that pick-me-girl type

Been aware that my childhood has shaped me into what I am today and fixing is a loooooong journey. i dont make any improvement yet. it's so fckin hard to be consistent and disciplined. see? im still struggling.

in reality, I really understand the reason why I was cheating or seeking other opportunities is to find security. my birth chart said that I can grow if I have been in a stable environment. stable here means in a secure place literally - figuratively. yet, i can confirm this is 100% accurate.

how can I create this safe place on my own? everyday, i have battles to win for

how can i be independent?

how can I stand up for myself?

how can i stay loyal and be grateful for what I have now?

do I feel enough?

ARIES SEASON 2023

From https://www.instagram.com/bernadettebijou/