Wizardly Witches

Ain’t no party like a speedster party, ‘cause a speedster party is fast.

And for my next trick, I will swallow the universe!

I was talking with a friend about all the absolutely raw quotes on Tumblr and the random places they come from, like that one post with the mushrooms that says “you can’t kill me in any way that matters”. This brought up the philosophical discussions that turn into nonsense and back again yet keep making some semblance of sense the whole time so you love it and you hate it, the silly things that turn deep and philosophical, and the logical/illogical logic chains that refer to or resemble Diogenes’ “behold a man” moment.

Anyway, Tumblr is the lunatic’s philosophy sandbox.

A Clown met a Doctor at the asylum one day, and asked if she wanted to be free. The Doctor replied that it was the Clown who was the prisoner, but alas, she was already intrigued. The Doctor spoke with the Clown again, and again, as he told her of the freedom of the mind, from limits, from morals, from sanity. Carefully the Clown led the Doctor closer and closer to the edge. He told her he loved her, but he laughed as he said it. Down, down, down… The Doctor fell and was reborn, a Jester after his image.

At a gala:

Some Old Lady, pinching Tim’s cheeks: “Aren’t you the sweetest?”

Tim: “No ma’am, I am a horrible little gremlin child.”

Old Lady: “Oh my.”

Bat-family ages in Batman: Wayne Family Adventures

In Batman: Wayne Family adventures, Damian’s age is given as 9 (Ep. 13) and Jason's is given as 19 (Ep. 53).

Bruce’s age is not given, and neither are Steph’s, Tim’s, Cass’s, Alfred’s, Barbara’s, Duke’s, Harper’s, Jim’s, Kate’s, Luke’s, or Selina’s.

According to Ep. 35, Dick became Robin 16 years ago (from current time in WFA), and according to the WFA wiki, Tim figured out Batman and Robin’s IDs at age 9. By adding the typical age Jason dies at (15), Dick’s usual age when Bruce takes him in (8 or 10), and how old Bruce typically is when his parents die (also 8 or 10), along with the typical age ranges of the Bat-family members compared to each other and their apparent ages in the webcomic, we can use some (dubious) math to extrapolate the (at least general) ages of the Bat-family at certain points on the timeline.

Ages of Bat-family members when…

Bruce's parents died: Alfred Pennyworth - late 30's or early 40’s, Jim Gordon - 24 or 26 (figure that looks like Jim seen among background police in Ep. 132 of WFA), Bruce Wayne - 8 or 10 (typically when it happens), Kate Kane - Kid, 13 or under, Selina Kyle - Kid, 13 or under, Barbara Gordon - Infant or 2, Dick Grayson - Not born yet or infant.

16 years ago when Dick became Robin (WFA Ep. 35): Alfred Pennyworth - 40’s, Jim Gordon - 34, Bruce Wayne - at least 18 (would have to be a legal adult to take in a child), Kate Kane - late teens or early 20’s, Selina Kyle - late teens or early 20’s, Barbara Gordon - 10 or 12, Dick Grayson - 8 or 10 (usually how old he is), Luke Fox - at least 4 or 5, Jason Todd - 3, Cassandra Cain - 1 or 2, Harper Row - 1 or 2, Tim Drake - Infant or 1, Steph Brown - Infant or 1, Duke Thomas - Infant or 1.

Damian was born: Alfred Pennyworth - 40's or early 50's, Jim Gordon - 41, Bruce Wayne - at least 25, Kate Kane - mid or late 20’s, Selina Kyle - mid or late 20's, Barbara Gordon - 17 or 19, Dick Grayson - 15 or 17, Luke Fox - at least 11 or 12, Jason Todd - 10, Cassandra Cain - 8 or 9, Harper Row - 8 or 9, Tim Drake - 7 or 8, Steph Brown - 7 or 8, Duke Thomas - 7 or 8, Damian Al Ghul-Wayne - Infant (newborn). 

Jason became Robin: Alfred Pennyworth - 40's or early 50's, Jim Gordon - 41 or 42, Bruce Wayne - at least 25 or 26, Kate Kane - mid or late 20’s, Selina Kyle - mid or late 20's, Barbara Gordon - 19, Dick Grayson - 17 (most likely since he's typically not living at the manor at this point and you can be emancipated at 17), Luke Fox - at least 12 or 13, Jason Todd - 10 or 11, Cassandra Cain - 9 or 10, Harper Row - 9 or 10, Tim Drake - 8 or 9, Steph Brown - 8 or 9, Duke Thomas - 8 or 9, Damian Al Ghul-Wayne - 1 or 2. 

Tim figured out Batman and Robin’s IDs: Alfred Pennyworth - early or mid 50's, Jim Gordon - 42 or 43, Bruce Wayne - at least 27 or 29, Kate Kane - late 20's or early 30's, Selina Kyle - late 20's or early 30's, Barbara Gordon - 19 or 21, Dick Grayson - 17 or 19, Luke Fox - at least 13 or 14, Jason Todd - 12 or 13, Cassandra Cain - 10 or 11, Harper Row - 10 or 11, Tim Drake - 9 (according to WFA wiki), Steph Brown - 9 or 10, Duke Thomas - 9 or 10, Damian Al Ghul-Wayne - 2 or 3. 

Jason Died: Alfred Pennyworth - 50's or early 60's, Jim Gordon - 45 or 47, Bruce Wayne - at least 30 or 32, Kate Kane - 30's, Selina Kyle - 30's, Barbara Gordon - 22 or 24, Dick Grayson - 20 or 22, Luke Fox - at least 16, Jason Todd - 15 (typical age he dies), Cassandra Cain - 13 or 14, Harper Row - 13 or 14, Tim Drake - 12 or 13, Steph Brown - 12 or 13, Duke Thomas - 12 or 13, Damian Al Ghul-Wayne - 5. 

Currently in WFA: Alfred Pennyworth - early or mid 60's, Jim Gordon - at least 40's but probably 50 (going off of when he's present in GCPD, and his greying hair), Bruce Wayne - at least 34 but likely early 40's, Kate Kane - 30's or 40's, Selina Kyle - 30's or 40's, Barbara Gordon - 26 or 28 (a few, probably 2, years older than Dick), Dick Grayson - 24 or 26, Luke Fox - at least in his 20's (MMA Fighter, definitely an adult compared to the other kids), Jason Todd - 19 (given in Ep. 53 of WFA), Cassandra Cain - 17 or 18, Harper Row - 17 or 18, Tim Drake - 16 or 17, Steph Brown - 16 or 17, Duke Thomas - 16 or 17, Damian Al Ghul-Wayne - 9 (given in Ep. 13 of WFA). 

The potential for angst with this is off the charts, but what I’m really thinking of is the potential for friendship and understanding between Jason and Mary Dahl, aka Babydoll. Both of them trapped in a body they should have outgrown, never fitting quite right in their own skin, adults (or teen/young adult in Jason’s case) that still have the appearance of children.

There’s just so much potential for a deep talk about the realities of an unaging, childlike appearance, understanding coming from an unexpected source, and eventual friendship, even a sort of rehabilitation or at least acceptance for Mary, with a new support system and friends.

Honestly, Babydoll being sympathetic and giving advice, while finding a friend in turn, is way underutilized in Batman and Batman adjacent fics where a character is eternally young in Peter Pan fashion.

DC PROMPT

Jason Todd doesn't grow old. Not because he dies. Well, technically, because he did die. When he was 14. And the Lazarus pit stopped him from aging. Forever.

When he becomes Red Hood, he's not seen as a threat at first. Some scrawny, 4'7, barely weighs 60 pounds soaking wet kid with a dumbass mask? Pssh, Crime Alley deals with Batman on the daily, that kid ain't nothing.

Until said kid begins beating their asses. Horrifically. So now, Red Hood is known as the first ever child crime lord.

And the angst? Oh, there's angst. Because rather than dealing with the knowledge that Jason grew up when he was gone, they have to deal with the fact that Jason looks the exact same as the night he died.

Jason is still that scrawny, malnourished 14-year-old, with a smile that could light up the room despite him never showing it now.

Jason can still fit in his old robin costume. He could still. Fit. In. His. Robin. Costume.

That mere realization startled Bruce so badly.

DCXDP or regular DC writing prompt!

Cross country road trip with (a very reluctant) John Constantine.

Constantine didn’t want to pick up a hitchhiker, but they were very persistent, and he could tell something was up with either them or the situation, his ‘occult senses’ were tingling.

Bonus points if it’s Danny or Dani/Ellie that hitches a ride!

Betcha the ghost-beeswax candles let you see spirits within their range of illumination. Very handy for a seance.

DP x DC prompt: Beekeeper Danny

Ooookay, Danny has moved to Gotham for <insert reason here> and is faced with a problem. Yes, Gotham has higher levels of ambient ectoplasm than your average city, but it's nowhere near those of Amity Park who has a goddamn artificial hell mouth smack in the center of it. Also, the ectoplasm which IS there is contaminated with some nasty shit that makes Danny feel ill when he takes too much of it in. Having his friends back in Amity Park ship him flasks of pure ecto on the sly is difficult to say the least, so he starts thinking about ways to both concentrate and purify Gotham's ecto so he's not one shipment interruption from being in really bad shape.

He get's his solution from Sam. On his bi-weekly video call with her and Tucker, she gets to ranting about bee conservation. Tucker makes a joking comment about honey being basically bee vomit, and Sam tears into him saying "That is a gross oversimplification at best and outright bee-slander at worst!" This perks Danny's curiosity, so he looks up the biological process by which bees turn nectar into honey...and he's found his answer. Blob ghosts are basically the filter feeders of the Ghost Zone/Infinite Realms. If he can get a bunch of them to behave kinda like honey bees, his ecto supply should be assured.

It works...a bit too well...

Now Danny has a swarm of glowing green honey bees that are roughly the size of carpenter bees buzzing happily about him. Their queen is roughly the size of a large hummingbird. He heaves a weary sigh and starts looking up how to ACTUALLY keep bees and making skips out of ghost-friendly material for them to build their hive in on top of his apartment building.

But, won't Danny get complaints from his neighbors? Here's the kicker. Unless you are a 1) ghost, 2) halfa, 3) wearing specialized Fenton Ecto-Visual Goggles or 4) a mage, you cannot see, hear or feel the bees! They're buzzing around Gotham happily, slurping up the ecto to take back to the hive for processing. And they slurp it up from EVERYWHERE...including certain people.

Jason Todd is slightly confused but not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Over the last few months, the Pit Rage has been decreasing gradually. He doesn't think much about it until he shows up at the BatCave for an all hands meeting that has been called because John Constantine needed to brief them on something...only for Con-job to take one look at Red Hood and shout that he's "COVERED IN FUCKING BEES!!!"

Danny Phantom Head Canon - Dani’s Shadow

A ghost’s trauma tends to stick around in one form or another, and reminders are never pleasant.

TL;DR:

Regardless of her physical appearance, current health, and stability, Dani/Ellie’s shadow always appears to be slightly dripping or melting, and more so in ghost form. It’s not overly obvious in human form, and people who notice tend to dismiss it as a trick of the eye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ellie can’t escape her shadow. It catches the corner of her eye when she’s least expecting it, and her smile wavers. The dripping edges, that half melted arm… Dani looks away. She was never meant to survive.

Danny asks if she’s alright when she doesn’t respond as he’s telling her about his latest scuffle with Skulker, and Dani pastes on a grin, laughing and giving some inane excuse. Of course she’s alright. She’s fine, just fine.

Danielle Dani Ellie it’s Ellie, she’s her own person isn’t she? cracks a joke about the sequel being better than the original, and she’s more than just a failed copy, right? She doesn’t even have her own name.

Danny smiles and laughs, but if his eyes are concerned as he meets hers, carefully avoiding looking at her shadow, neither of them says anything.

He’s just a kid, he doesn’t know how to handle any of this, let alone raise the clone/cousin/sister/daughter he never asked for, and she won’t make him.

She leaves again, and she enjoys traveling, really, she does, but… does she really want to do it alone?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ellie eventually gains confidence in herself, both as her own person, and as Danny’s clone. Just like any kid taking after their parent, sharing his DNA doesn’t change the fact that she’s still her own unique person.

Eventually even the clone jokes are less of a nervous traumatic response and more because she finds them genuinely funny. (Her sense of humor and coping mechanisms definitely take after Danny. Death jokes anyone?)

One day, the dripping, melting form of her shadow will no longer haunt her, but for now… she’s taking it one day at a time.